The S Word - Giveaway

As promised, today, I had the privilege of interviewing my daughter, Ev'Yan, author of a newly released digital book, Sex Love Liberation. Her book is one of the most intriguing, honest looks at the beauty of sex, and most of all, loving ourselves.

In celebrating the release of her book, she is giving away the digital book (+ the worksheet & 30 Days of Sensuality prompts) to one of my readers. To enter, please leave a comment answering this question, "What is one part of your body that you love?" On Tuesday, October 11, I'll be randomly selecting from the entries and contacting the winner of the prize package.

******Disclaimer*******The content of this blog post is for mature readers only. Discretion is advised. If you feel that any portion of this post is inappropriate for you to read, please exit the blog now. Thanks.

Hi Ev'Yan! Thank you for spending time with me, talking about a subject that isn't openly discussed.

1) What prompted you to write your book?

I wrote Sex, Love, Liberation: A Manifesto for the Bold at Heart because it was something *I* needed, not just as a goal I wanted to accomplish, but to enrich my own life with beliefs & mantras that I personally need to be reminded of.

A lot of the advice I've received on sex or self-love were often too convoluted to implement. I had never seen a "self-help" book written with very poetic, powerful, & to-the-point idioms that can be easily latched onto or remembered throughout the day. Mantras just work for me & I wanted to compile a collection of the ones that would make an impact on my mindset.

2) What areas do you find couples struggle with the most in a sexual relationship?

It's impossible to answer this question, since I don't know the inner workings of the relationships of even my own friends. This is just something people don't talk about. If I had to guess, though, I would imagine that couples tend to struggle with differences in preference & libido -- as in, their partner might have a very high sex drive, while the other is more vanilla & prefers cuddles over intercourse. I myself have struggled with these kind of differences in my own marriage, particularly in the libido department.

One thing that I'd like to mention, though, is that there is no right or wrong libido, nor is there a right or wrong way to express one's sexual desires. I think a lot of people are often made to feel guilty about their libidos by their partner, for instance, because it's so different from their own. They might indirectly hint at it being abnormal if their partner has a low (or high) sex drive. When really... sexuality is so, so fluid; it's not black or white. It is constantly evolving & it varies based on the person, the body, the relationship, & the preference.

3) If your spouse isn't fulfilling you sexually, what would you recommend?

A good, old-fashioned heartfelt chat. In doing the work that I do, I get this sense that something as intimate & exploratory as sex is often perceived as very hush-hush & closed for discussion, even with their partners! A lot of women think that a man is born knowing how to touch & make love to a woman. This is so far from the truth. Our partners need to be taught ("shown" is a better word), & who better to teach them than ourselves, the masters of our bodies?

Sex (& a sexual relationship) is not as simple as an erect penis & the permission to enter. It's learning together. It's compromising. It's getting into the nitty-gritty of what you like/don't like. It's experimentation.

4) What's the perfect recipe for rekindling your sex life?

Dedication to keeping that fire alive. Both people have to be on board to keeping that pilot for their love life lit. No one person should carry more of the load than the other. It's give & take (but mainly giving, with lots of love and respect).

5) Is there really a G spot? What secret hiding places can be turn ons?

I am conflicted about the G Spot.Too much emphasis is put on the "G Spot" & many women feel broken if they haven't experienced pleasure from it before (this is the same with vaginal orgasms). I don't like the pressure that is put on women to react from this deep, internal zone that may or may not be present.

In the same breath, I can admit to having had experience with the "G Spot" or something of that nature. Basically, an area in my body that feels really, really good when it gets stimulated. But my response to this likely doesn't feel like yours, or the next person's.

Again, it's important to stay connected to & explore our own bodies & not let the findings of some doctor dictate our personal responses & pleasure.

As for secret hiding places... I give you permission to go on your own treasure hunt & find them. ;]

6) How do you get past the insecurities of discussing sex with one another?

Much like you would if you were holding a scalding hot coal in your hand -- you would drop it, or, in this case, just do it.

Acknowledge the discomfort, & then acknowledge the importance of having such a discussion. You'll never get what you want (the sex life you deserve) unless you ask for it.

7) He likes the lights on, she likes the lights off - what do you recommend for the couple that has different sexual needs?

Compromise (which I kind of alluded to in question #2). In this case, candlelight. It's enough dimness to not leave you feeling like you're performing underneath a stage light, but just enough illumination so that you're not fumbling in the dark.

Not to mention, candlelight is the most flattering light there is. It makes your body appear especially supple & sultry, & it accentuates the color of your skin, making it milky, smooth, & almost effervescent.

8) Are toys enhancements or distractions in the bedroom?

I believe that toys can be a tool used to enhance your sexual experiences or to make you more aroused as you're preparing for a sack session with your lover.

9) What's a way to boost confidence when making love?

Summon your sex kitten alter ego (we all have one dying to come out). What would she do? What would she say? How would she move? Sometimes faking it 'til you feel it (or taking on the identity of someone else for the time being) can get us past our comfort zones & into a space where we are fully in the moment.

I call this mental role playing.

10) Once the kids are asleep and the house is quiet, what is the recipe for setting the mood?

Music (or just the sweet, sweet sound of silence). Candles (that kind of lighting is so sensual). Sexy bedside reads (easy-on-the-ears erotica). Erotic films (the French make the best ones). Shared showers (baths are even better). Sleeping nude (you'll have a hard time keeping your hands to yourself). Sharing fantasies (adult bedtime stories, as I like to call them).

Take time to prep your outside surroundings; that will immediately get your mind & emotions in the right, sexy place.

xx,

female liberation artist

Blog | Twitter | Google+

Thank you again, Ev'Yan. To find out more about Ev'Yan's book and read along on her blog:

The book: http://sexloveliberation.com

My blog: http://sexloveliberation.com