Have you ever felt frustrated and couldn't pinpoint the exact reason?
Aside from being unemployed, which is a frustration in itself, I knew that something else was causing this feeling. So, I brought out a 1000 piece puzzle and sat and quietly fitting in pieces. Boo came past and said, "Whatcha doing?" My reply, "I'm thinking." And I was.
It was like a light came on after awhile. I thought about how in the past, creating was my joy! I lived and loved to create...new recipes, new drawings, new poems, new songs...anything I could create, I did.
That's when I discovered that I'm not frustrated, I'm bursting! Bursting is when the creativity is trying to come through but is being kept still and quiet instead. Sometimes, my thoughts are swirling like 110 mph and all I can do is push them back until I "make time" for them.
At the time when I was at my most creative points was when I had a successful daycare and pre-preschool program. I was able to spend family time with my daughters AND create. That sense of completion of a project was a glorious feeling.
In realizing this, I now have a new outlook on creating. No more pushing it aside...I'm giving in to the feelings of bursting. It is in that place where I now know that He speaks to me. I am alive again.
PS--Thank you all for your comments yesterday on the post about reading Black children's books. I read them all and was encouraged.