Cherish list

"No one has ever loved me the way that you love me. With you by my side, my whole world is complete."

I listened as J spoke those words to me, tears filling my eyes. I understood what he was saying because I FELT it too.

The last few months have been hard to put into words. Yet, he's been by my side, every step of the way. With every test and doctor's appointment, he's been there to hold my hand and whisper words of reassurance.

Although I feel his love, I feel a sense of guilt to be so very blessed. You see, two weeks ago, two people close to us, lost their spouses. The thought that resonated in my head as I wrapped my mind around their loss was that here I am feeling, "lost" while they are living it out loud. My "lost" is temporary, yet their "loss" is so much more.

As articulate as I can often be, I couldn't find the right words to bring them comfort. So, I decided to focus on their lives while they lived and not their death. I wanted to know more about their passions and courage, how they met challenges in their lives, their gifts and things that brought them joy. As I listened to some of the memories retold, I was reminded how important it is to cherish every moment, big or small.

Today, I began to make a list of things I cherish:

1) My puppy Mooshu and his love for his hotwheel car.

2) Hearing my stepson say that he's glad that I'm here and that I'm like a mother figure to him.

3) Listening to J and J Jr. downstairs, yellling at the tv, while watching the Blazers basketball game.

4) Having my father in law and sister in law over for St. Patty's day and rejoicing when my father in law called me Simone instead of Ramone. (Whew! I thought he'd never get my name right.)

5) Walking hand in hand with J while the snowflakes tickled my nose.

6) Listening to the song, Amazing Grace, just when I needed that reminder.

7) Getting a text message from my daughter Jarebear that read, "I miss you. I wish you lived closer. Let's spend a day together really soon."

8) Watching my son in law, fall madly in love with my daughter, Ev'Yan every time she cooks something that he loves. (His whole face lights up.)

9) Having J wake me up in the morning before he leaves for work saying, "You is smart, you is beautiful and you is my wife. I love you. Have a great day!"

10) Reading blog comments from all of you that reminds me of just how much you all truly care.

My challenge to all of you is to take some time out this week and start a Cherish list. It can be in pictures or just in words but focus on the big and little things. What is one thing you cherish today?

The Gift of Friendship

My daughters were in some ways, atypical from most kids when they were growing up. We wanted them to be kids and not allow society to grow them up quickly. We placed limits on what they watched on tv and how often they played video games and encouraged them to use their creative minds. They read, created, played. When they were outside, they found adventures waiting for them. They climbed trees, played in the mud, wrote stories, made cookies and used their imaginations. What made their adventures that much greater was their friendship. I still remind them to this day, "Your best friend will always be the one that has stuck by you from the very beginning and that friend is your sister".

When it was time for them to make friends on their own, I worried how it would affect them. Would they find friends that appreciated their loving spirits and their quirky personalities? Would their friends really "get" their jokes? How about their fears? Would their friends reach out?

Letting go was hard but I knew that it was time. I sent Ev'Yan to school with a beautifully, (at least I thought so) handmade t-shirt. I had embellished it with decorative jewels, ribbon and paint. What a cutie she was walking into the classroom on her first day. As I stood outside the classroom waiting for class to end, I anticipated hearing about her new friendships and adventures made that day. Instead, she calmly walked out of the classroom with the ribbons untied in her hair and her t-shirt destroyed. All of the ribbons, paint and jewels were gone.

I waited until we were in the car before asking her, "What happened to your shirt?"

She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I guess they all fell off."

I knew that there was somehow, more to the story that she wasn't telling. The truth came out when her teacher called. She said, "Ev'Yan had a hard time sitting still in circle time today. She wouldn't pay attention. I think maybe it was because she was busy pulling off the things on her shirt, giving them to the kids nearby."

My heart sunk. After I hung up the phone, I called her to sit with me. "Ev'Yan, the teacher said that you pulled off the ribbons, paint and jewels on your shirt and gave them to the kids during circle time. Is that true?"

She looked at me, eyes huge. "Well, I didn't want to but then a boy asked for one of the jewels. I gave him one 'cause I wanted him to be my friend. Then, another girl asked for one, so I gave her one. Before I knew it, my shirt wasn't pretty anymore."

She had sacrificed something she liked and that I had worked hard to create, because she wanted friends. Where had I gone wrong in teaching her about friendships? I reflected on what I told her about friendships that day. "In order to have friends, you must be friendly. Friends are like the jewels on your shirt. You treasure them because of who they are on the inside, not what they are on the outside. When you have a true friend, you'll know for sure that that friend will always be there for you, no matter if you're having a good day or a bad one."

Years later, I see that little girl in me, wanting to give what I have to make friends. Here in Oregon, I'm happier than I've ever been, but I'm friendless. I'm not quite ready to pull the jewels off of my shirt though. I realize that I can reach out and give out smiles, (their free) or lend a hand or pray for someone that needs it. I bake a mean chocolate chip cookie too. When the time comes, I'm certain, I'll find the precious treasure that friendship brings.

Don't Care-itis

This is a blog post that almost wasn't. You know the one where you think, "No one will relate to this"? But, then I realized that by keeping this to myself, I may be preventing someone from reading what may need to be shared.

When I was a kid, I loved reading Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books by Betty Macdonald. She had cures for just about everything. For the kids that whined or hated getting up for school or hated cleaning their ears, she always seemed to have the right substance to change their outlook.

In one story, Patsy Brown refuses to take baths so Mrs. Piggle Wiggle tells her parents to let the dirt accumulate and when it does, to plant radish seeds on Patsy's skin. Before long, Patsy has radish plants growing all over her. (I know, weird concept.)

If I were a character in Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's life, I would be the one with "Don't Care-itis". It's the "itis" where after every thought, it's followed with an "I don't care." There are those pesky little thoughts like, "I really don't need another slice of pie" followed by "I don't care". Or, "I need to get some sleep or else I'll be exhausted tomorrow" followed once again by, "I don't care." Those may not be a big deal but the bigger "Don't Cares" are.

The last few weeks, I have been more frustrated than I've ever been in a lifetime. I have been from one specialist appointment to another and still have a few more on the list to see. Somewhere along the way, I literally forgot how far God has brought me on this journey.

I began to feel unlovable.

 It doesn't matter if I live or not...

I'm more of a stress to J and my family.


It doesn't matter whether I have gifts or talents, there are others that are better at it than I am.


Sure I might be missed if I was gone but I'd soon be forgotten.


So I don't write a blog post, there's tons of bloggers out there that have more to say than I do.


Before you all begin commenting about how I should contact the suicide hotline or that I'm depressed and need to seek treatment....stop and think. I believe everyone has felt a sense of being unloved, helpless, hopeless, insecure and not good enough. The problem is when you don't admit it out of fear that others will look at you differently. Do you know how many people you pass each day that are smiling on the outside and crying on the inside?

In my case, I KNOW that all of those thoughts are lies. I KNOW that I am CHOSEN for a purpose and that God has given me a second chance at life. I KNOW that I am loved and wanted and needed. I know that when I am headed down the path that I am supposed to take is when the "Don't Care-itis" happens.

Maybe you have been told all of your life that you don't matter. But, taking a line from the book, The Help by Kathryn Stockett, "You is kind; you is smart; you is important."

That's why community and friendship is like a lifeline. Unless you speak what you are feeling to someone, you will never give them the opportunity to come beside you and embrace you and love on you. You will cheat others of the moments of letting you know that you are loved and valued. We all have a purpose and whether your purpose is revealed at this moment or not, you are loved.


I would love to be there for you. If you need someone to listen as you talk or come beside you, please drop me an email. I really do care!

8 Second - Impact

8 Seconds.,

My life ended with a period and then, began again, with a comma.

8 seconds has left a huge impact on me. In 8 seconds, I died. My heart stopped. Every function ceased. If my life was a sentence, there wasn’t a comma but a period at the end.

My life has always been filled with the unexpected. I wouldn’t know how to live it any other way. I was admitted into the hospital on 1/27/12 due to chest pains for over 2 weeks. The pain and other symptoms brought me there with the hopes of a diagnosis.

In an effort to get rid of the chest pains, I was given morphine in my IV while the medical technician was performing an EKG. I heard the technician ask me to put my arm down as it was propped up on a pillow. I looked at my arm but had no control over it. That was all I can remember before I was gone.

The heart has 3 “internal” pacemakers. When one ceases to function, another kicks in and when that one ceases, the third one acts as a backup. It is uncommon for all three “pacemakers” to cease but mine did. Even more puzzling was the lack of any electrical impulse or function.

As the medical team filled the room, according to Jeff, I opened my eyes. There were gasps and words of amazement. One of the medical team members said, “Wow! Would you look at that?” Later, an RN told my daughter, “This doesn’t happen. To have your mom open her eyes without any heart function is nothing short of a miracle.”

I reflect on those 8 seconds where I died yet I was more alive than ever before. I was looking down from a spectator view of myself. I saw a rebirth of sorts. I watched as my spirit began leaving the “costume” or “shell” of me behind. Every part of me was being pulled upward, away from what I knew as me. With one more leg and foot to go, I was almost free. But, I heard a voice faintly calling my name. I wanted to stay in that present yet, the voice grew louder. I opened my eyes, not knowing where I was. I started to close my eyes again, back to the warmth of what I saw. But, I was told to keep my eyes open. Then, my eyes locked on J and he embraced me and I knew that I was back.

A lot can happen in 8 seconds. You can…

v Eat one French fry (or 3, depending on your fry style)

v Catch a touch down pass

v Sing the first part of Awesome God – “Our God is an awesome God, he reigns in heaven above” (depending on the tempo).

v Kiss passionately

v Scramble an egg

v Greet someone in passing

v Send a text message

v Pick a flower

v Say a prayer of thanks

v Run to the mailbox

v Hammer a nail

v Buy a pack of gum from the store

v Put on a jacket.

v Roast a marshmallow

v Come up with a brilliant idea

v Listen – really listen as someone talks

v Cry

v Run a race

v Say goodbye

Still More Answers

Thanks for such great questions!


Rae asked: Have you had any eye openers in your relationship with J? 


Yes, but nothing I wasn't already prepared for. No matter what color J's skin is, he and I couldn't be more of a matching pair. Sure, there are some differences between us that can be considered cultural but the majority of differences have nothing to do with culture. The other night, we were lying in bed and I said to J, "Babe, did you know I'm black?" He totally gasped and said, "Now you tell me! I had no idea because I'm colored blind. I thought you were green!" There will always be barriers in place being in an interracial marriage but love comes in all colors and racial ignorance isn't worth stressing over. I'm praying that your grandkids will grow up loved and proud of who they are, not dealing with stupidity in the form of racism.


Adam  asked: What was your worst experience in school? 


Unfortunately, the first thing that comes to mind was an incident in elementary school when my sister and and I were in 4th grade. The class went on a field trip to a classmate's farm to learn about the farm animals. The class was invited inside for hot chocolate after the tour. My twin sis and I sat on the couch with our other classmates. (Huge sectional.) The mom walked over to our classmate, Susan and said to her, "Susie, tell your Black friends to sit on the floor" as she motioned to my sis and I. We heard her loud and clear and we hopped off the couch and sat on the floor. We were both humiliated. That was one of my first lessons in racism that I learned.


Stacy asked: What has been your most painful family relationship and how did you cope/get through/change it?

This question makes me realize that I tend to take things for granted. Quite a few years ago (like 22 years ago), there was a disagreement that took place between my twin sister and I. I no longer recall the exact reasoning behind the disagreement but what I do painfully remember is that we didn't speak to one another for 2 years. During that time, my heart ached. I missed so much by not having her and her family in my life. One Christmas, I thought I was going to die from missing her so I called her on the phone to wish her a Merry Christmas. It was a short phone call but one that provided a bridge to our finding our way back to one another. We gradually started talking again and spending time together. Our relationship grew from the thorns into beautiful roses. I have a tremendous respect and love for my twin sister. She is one of my closest friends!

Nezzy asked: What is the best 'trick' you and your sis played on someone.

We were always playing the "which one is which" trick because we were so identical. Most of the time, it wasn't even intentional. The one that is my sister still owes me for is when she did something wrong and my mom spanked me instead. Twin 2 ran and hid under the bed and watched. Through my tears, I said, "Mama, you spanked the wrong one!" In elementary school, we liked wearing each other's name tags to see if the teacher noticed. Unfortunately, they never did. Another time, my sister needed to break up with her crush in jr. high. We sound exactly alike so she handed me the phone and I broke his heart for her. If I have any advice to give to anyone when being around twins is that being a twin is normal and being without your twin isn't. In other words, I don't know any other way of living.


Helene asked: What is the best advice you've ever received about motherhood?

One of the worst advice I got was to be a parent and NOT my daughters friend. But, one of the best was to enjoy every moment and stage of their lives and when they are grown up, I would enjoy not only being their mommy but also their friend. Another piece of advice is one from the Bible in Luke 2:19 - But Mary treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart. What that means to me is that Mary had it going on! She viewed every part of motherhood as something to remember. I'm sure the kids could be out of control or tiring but those memories were treasures in her heart.

Sweet Tea asked: What makes you tick? Meaning what gives you great inspiration and satisfaction...and if money was no option how would you change your life?

What makes me tick is my love for life. I have more happy days than sad ones. I look forward to seeing what each day holds. Without a sense of humor, I'd totally be lost. There are way too many hilarious things that happen in my life that require me to laugh instead of cry. One of the most commonly used phrases you'll hear me say throughout the day is, "Oh wellll." In other words, don't sweat the small stuff.

If money was no object, I would love to travel around the United States and to other countries to meet all of you, my friends. But first, I'd want to help my kids create their own business opportunities. Too many parents hand over money to their kids without instilling the desire to be entrepreneurs. I have a huge heart for orphans so I'd adopt a few more kiddos to add to our boo-quet. Then, help those families who are doing their best to make it financially. I'm not one to be over-extravagant but a house on the beach and a cabin in the mountain would be perfect places to get away. Oh! Then, as much as I love to cook, I'd hire a chef to come in at least 4 days a week and create some of my favorites.

Keeping It Real...answers to your questions

Brian Miller asked...What is one experience that changed the direction of your life?

I grew up dreaming of a happy ever after life. When I married my first husband and we had our daughters, I thought, "This is it." I just assumed that the stage and direction was set for my lifetime. Then, the "one experience" aka divorce happened. The divorce literally changed my life. My dreams, goals, wishes, location, passion and trust were altered tremendously. I have more of a purpose than I ever realized. I love who I am now. Here in Oregon, I have found "home". (And of course, J, the love of my heart.)

Mari asked...This isn't a very deep question but I'm wondering how J and your family are doing throughout this health scare.

J has been exceptional in taking care of me. I never anticipated the outpouring of love and concern that has been showered on me. My daughters, sisters, parents, and friends have bee worried about me and continue to check on me by phone or by visiting. I think that for all of us, there has been a coming together and realizing how precious life really is.

Life with Kaishon asked...
What is the one thing in your life you are most proud of accomplishing?

I can't take complete credit for having such great daughters because there was a whole lot of help but, when I see them now as all grown up, I'm so very proud. They are smart, faithful, committed, loving, selfless and my closest friends. Homeschooling them helped me to see their gifts and inspire them to use each talent given. It really is thrilling to see those gifts being used.

Leslie Payne asked...Describe a day in your life as an adult when you felt content and joyful?

Lately, I've had quite a few days where I've been content and joyful but one that stands out for me is when J and I were dating. I had never been to Salem before so he gave me the "tour" around town. He took me to the capital mall. As we walked hand in hand, the trees were dropping cherry blossoms as we walked. I felt like I was a princess in a fairy tale. I found joy in being with him and it felt like that was where I needed to be from now on.

I'll answer more questions in the next few days. But, remember this: Everyone has a story to tell....everyone. It just means asking a question which leads to an answer or even a small story. I've decided that I'm going to use the time that I'm laying low to listen to your stories. I may visit you or email you or just generally ask you a question. No, I'm not looking for your social security number or even your age...just something that describes who you are and where you've been or where you're going.

In the meantime, I'm putting this out here for you too. This is your opportunity to ask me anything at all. That means, you get a lifeline and can ask any nosy question or inquisitive one that sparks your curiosity and I promise to answer them in an upcoming blog post.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

It Ain't None of My Business But...

I'm in recuperating status. In other words, I'm taking it slow and as easy as I possibly can. It is hard for me, as ornery as I am but this was also a wake up call for me. I mean, how many people experience life and death, face to face?

One thing I've realized is that the creativity still exists inside of me. In fact, it's been poured out, spilled over even more. I'm not ready to write the next great novel (yet) but what I am thinking is that there is something in store for me and I'd just better put on my big girl panties and brace myself for it.

Have you ever wanted to ask someone a question or find out something but didn't know how to ask? Lately, what has been echoing in my head is this: Everyone has a story to tell....everyone. It just means asking a question which leads to an answer or even a small story. I've decided that I'm going to use the time that I'm laying low to listen to your stories. I may visit you or email you or just generally ask you a question. No, I'm not looking for your social security number or even your age...just something that describes who you are and where you've been or where you're going.

In the meantime, I'm putting this out here for you too. This is your opportunity to ask me anything at all. That means, you get a lifeline and can ask any nosy question or inquisitive one that sparks your curiosity and I promise to answer them in an upcoming blog post.

Looking forward to hearing from you!