I can't understand how or why things happen the way they do. But what I do know now is no matter what happens, life goes on. I was discharged from the hospital yesterday and not wanting to sound overly dramatic, still recovering from the trauma. I went in with chest pains and during the course of those chest pains, my heart stopped. 8 seconds where my heart flat-lined and I was "gone". When I was brought back, I looked for J. I needed to know he was close by. I needed his calm assurance that it was going to be okay. Next, I tried to process what happened while I was gone. I know for sure that while I was struggling, life was going on for everyone around me. All across the blogging world, in countries everywhere, life was going on. The world wasn't changed by what I was experiencing but I decided that I was going to change things as a result of what I experienced. I can't describe, what I felt. There are no words yet. I'm not even sure I'm quite up to makin...

When I am still, there is usually something wrong with me. I'm NEVER still. Even when I'm asleep, my mind isn't still. It races. Here's a peek at some of the thoughts floating around in my head at night: Why does my chest hurt? What is wrong with me? Am I dying? I wonder if the guy that lived here before us, died here? What the heck was he thinking? I wonder if the cellphone bill was paid for this month? What is Mooshu dreaming about? Am I going bald? What is so hard about cleaning up after yourself? How big is the rat that's climbing around in the attic? Will he chew his way through to our bedroom? Hostess is going bankrupt? As you can see, most of those thoughts are randomly dumb and they are enough to exhaust me! The last two weeks have been a wake up call for me to be still. I haven't found out the source of my heart pains and other symptoms. The less I know, the more worried I am. I need answers but I also need to be still. I have lost count of how many peo...

This is not going to be your typical TILT. This week has been an 11 on a scale of 1 - 10. It started out with being sick with what seemed like a cold but turned into an asthma problem which went into a heart episode. I like to pretend that I'm a hypochondriac with J just to get his reaction to my made up illnesses but this is one of those times when I couldn't make it up. Long story short...slightly enlarged heart, EKG, nitro pills, blood pressure meds....4 days of missed work, tons of worried people and an appointment with a cardiologist in the near future has been the gist of it all. It has taught me something though... 1) When J says "no" he means "no" as in, "No, you're not going to work." or "No, you're not driving yourself to the doctor's appointment." 2) A simple compliment takes away the feeling of being uncomfortable. I cringed when the technician needed to put the electrodes on my chest. I hate revealing the scars (t...

When I was growing up, parents had plastic on couches and baubles and trinkets and breakables everywhere. They didn't believe in moving things because the kids were taught "do not touch" at an early age. One day, Twin2 and I were horsing around in the living room, a sacred place where we were told, was made for sitting and keeping neat and clean. (Obviously, my mom wasn't around or else there is no way we would've been in there in the first place.) Somehow, someone (probably Twin2) kicked over a tall vase/bauble that sat on an end table. It fell on the carpet and broke. I remember how all of a sudden, everything moved in slow motion. All I could think about was the spanking we were both going to get. But, with a little bit of brainstorming, and lots of Elmer's glue, we somehow put the tall monstrosity together again...minus a slightly small chip that we never found. We placed the vase back on the end table and turned it so that the best side was showing. I rem...

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. Proverbs 5:18 I admit that I have a problem. I have a hard time seeing myself as a fountain of blessing when at times, I'm more like a slow leak. Sure, J reassures me that he loves me and that his life is richer, fuller, happier since our hearts have been smooshed together. But, after watching Celebrity Wife Swap this week, I wondered what it would be like if J "swapped" me out for a week. What is amazing about the wives that are swapped is that there is usually one gem (maybe more) that they possess that enriches the other family. Leaving home in the stretch limo to a place unknown, would J cry and pound his fists on the ground, begging me not to leave or would he smile and say, "Take your time. Enjoy. We'll still be here."? Would the moment the "new wife" walked into our home, would she be greeted and surprised by what she saw or would she say, "Oh Lord, help...

Last year, 2011, brought some pretty exciting, unexpected adventures. I jumped into some challenges head on, while others, I was tempted to run for cover - but I survived. This year, I'm inspired by possibilities yet seen. There's so much that I desire in my life and there's no resolution in the world that will guarantee that those desires will come to pass unless, I'm ready to expect the unexpected. One thing for sure is that I am much harder on myself than I should be. So, this year I will not call myself names. I tend to do that...names like "idiot" "dummy" "nerd". As a man thinks, so is he soooooo... So what if the scale growls when I step on...I will growl back, even louder. I will not set myself up for failure. If I don't accomplish something that I've tried my very best to do, I will pat myself on the back for at least trying. I will not fear experiencing new neighborhoods, new friends, new recipes, new music or anything new....