Thursday, January 26, 2012

On Being...Still

When I am still, there is usually something wrong with me. I'm NEVER still. Even when I'm asleep, my mind isn't still. It races. Here's a peek at some of the thoughts floating around in my head at night:

Why does my chest hurt? What is wrong with me? Am I dying?

I wonder if the guy that lived here before us, died here?

What the heck was he thinking?

I wonder if the cellphone bill was paid for this month?

What is Mooshu dreaming about?

Am I going bald?

What is so hard about cleaning up after yourself?

How big is the rat that's climbing around in the attic? Will he chew his way through to our bedroom?

Hostess is going bankrupt?

As you can see, most of those thoughts are randomly dumb and they are enough to exhaust me!

The last two weeks have been a wake up call for me to be still. I haven't found out the source of my heart pains and other symptoms. The less I know, the more worried I am. I need answers but I also need to be still. I have lost count of how many people have now scolded me and reminded me to be still.

My confession for today....I don't know how to be still. I am restless when just lying here in bed. I feel guilty, worried, uncertain, horrible and anxious.

But, if being still means that I am going to be back to ME again, then still I will be.

I was thinking about when my twin sis and I were little. We didn't know how to be still back then either. One time, we were at a department store and the curiosity got the best of me and I touched the store mannequin and she fell and her HEAD fell off and rolled. Both my sis and I started to cry. My mom did her best to console us but the painful view of the headless lady was etched in my mind. If only I had been still.

Another time, I was in a railroad museum. I was intrigued by a machine that was used to crank the wheels. The sign clearly said, "Do not touch" and it was behind a velvet rope. My hands literally itched from wanting to turn the crank! I looked around to see if anyone was watching (not realizing that there were surveillance cameras) and touched. No sooner had I reached for the handle when a part fell off and hit the floor. I was on my hands and knees scrambling to pick up the part and to find a way to stick it back on without getting kicked out of the museum. I failed at being able to figure out where the part came from so I laid it next to the handle and walked quickly away. A few minutes later, I found the right time to exit but not before catching all eyes on me.

The moral of the story is that no matter how often I fail at being still, there is One who is continually whispering in my ear, "Be still. I am here."

Being still means, not only quieting my hands and feet, but my mind. It means emptying out every single thought circling around in my head. Is Hostess really worth my thoughts? Is the rat that's stomping around in the attic really a cause for concern? (I think so but I'm trying to be still, remember?) So, I'm trying and hopefully, doing my best to be still.

Will you join me in being still? I sure could use some company!


Nezzy said...

Oh Hon, I'll try but I'm as spastic as they come. I may look like I'm still but I'll have the fingers wigglin' and a toe tappin' under a swingin' leg.

Your so right, God tells us in His very words to be still and know that I am God.

....but it's darn near impossible for me.

God bless ya and have a phenomenal day!!!

Heeehehehe...I can just picture you and your sis witnessing that poor womens rollin' head! Traumatic I'm sure!!!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I'm not good at being still, but I'm working on it.

And the rat is up in your attic still? What the heck?!

Leslie Payne said...

(I was praying for you this morning. Thanks for the update.)

I was never still prior to the auto accident that changed my life. And then suddenly I was **still**, spending most of my time in a recliner when I wasn't in physical therapy.

Though you couldn't see me moving, I wasn't still inside. I was wrestling with the Lord. It was so hard to sit, let alone allow myself to rest as my world seemed to fall apart. But when I stopped fighting, there was tremendous blessing. Whispers from Jesus just for me.

Wonderful whispers from the Lord, just for you are there in the stillness, Simone. I hope you hear them soon. You will get through this, my friend.

Brian Miller said...

you stressed me out a bit with all those questions...being still is definitely a disciple of body and mind...

Mari said...

I'm no good at that being still thing either - and the worst time is when you get in bed!
I'm sorry you're still dealing with health issues - I'll be praying for you!

Sweet Tea said...

Have you talked with your Dr. and explained how you feel? Stress is not a good thing, ya know, and it sounds to me like you're totally stressed. Having medical issues can stress me quicker than anything. <<>>

Helene said...

Oh gosh, I have such a hard time being still. I have to be in constant motion but I'm working on it. It's difficult but it's a work in progress.

Ina in Alaska said...

I have to make myself be still. Impossible to do.

I too wonder why there are some who are clueless about cleaning up after themselves. Do they think a magic genie appears to pick up after them?

Hope you find out what is causing your health issues!!


Terra said...

I hope you will find more peaceful and still times which will be very restful to you. I hope you have good news on the health front too.

MissKris said...

I'm no doctor but I'd say it's stress. You've had a wild ride the past year yourself, my dear. For me, too much stress brings on muscle twitches...the eyes, the cheeks, my thighs. Crazy, isn't it, how our bodies let us know they need a break to just sit still and let the good Lord take the reins. No need to tell you that you're in my prayers, but I'll tell you anyway. :-)

Formerly known as Frau said...

breathe Simone breathe....your heart issues are more important than the rat or hostess! I hope you feel better and be still! Have a wonderful relaxing weekend!

Anonymous said...

We all need to learn the lesson of being still.

You have been tagged at Check it out.

Reyna said...

When I read your words this song came to my mind. I listened to it through the healing of my divorce.

I know this is a different trial but maybe it can bring a peaceful hug.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hi Simone-- It's not easy being still, I've learned that lesson a few too many times-- I'm sorry you're learning it too. The thing that works for me to slow down... I don't count sheep, I count my blessings (as corny as that sounds) and I can actually feel my pulse slow and a calmness because I forget the things I'm worrying about.

Sending big, calming hugs your way. Feel good my friend. xoxo jj

Annesphamily said...

Some of us are movers and shakers, all together! I am constantly doing things too. Just remember God loves you and He plays no favorites. He loves each one of us equally and unconditionally. He will answer our prayers and heal our bodies. Just try to ease your mind and when you have to rest drink some sleepy time tea. It helps me altohugh I wonder if it is just psychological! Hee Hee
Please take care, you are a sweet friend.

Jenny said...

Being still is a hard thing. I hope you are finding ways to do it. Bless you, sweetie.


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