Wednesday, June 3, 2009

There's diets and then there's diets...what would you choose?

So, I've tried many diets in my life. There was one that was most memorable. It was the One Day Diet. You eat sensibly one day and the next day, you drink shakes, water and eat tablets that taste like chalk flavored chocolate. I lost inches but because on those "non-eating days" I was burned out on the tablets, I chose to starve instead.

I decided that dieting wasn't in my best interest. After all, why deprive myself of what I like - food, right? But, since that doesn't seem to be working, I've come up with a few diets of my own.

The first is the "No Chew" diet. If you suck on lets say, french fries and then swallow them when they are soft and mushy, the calories won't stick. The main idea is to make sure that the piece of food is either very small or mushy. Think about it….babies don't chew and a majority of them aren't overweight, right?

The next is, the Gross Out diet. That's the diet that is prepared and then eaten in fron of the health channel, mainly, the show ER, Life and Trauma. Guaranteed to make you supress your appetite.

Another is the Same Food diet. It's where you eat the same food every day, 24/7 until you get so burned out, you want to cry at the thought of eating it again. Say for instance you love bbq chips…that's breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Once you've hit food burnout, I guarantee you'll go running for the nearest head of cabbage or lettuce.

Then there's the condiment diet. That's right, only eat condiments. Your diet may look like this: breakfast, mustard and relish. Lunch - mayo, and ketchup. Dinner, salad dressing and hotsauce. It goes down easier when you think of how many calories you're saving by eating only the condiments and not the food that the condiments are spread on.

One of my all time favorites is the crunching diet. This involves eating in a room full of noise….loud, crunching noise. The nosier the better. The louder it is, the faster you eat to get out of there. It's a win win situation. You eat less and keep your sanity.

Another diet that may one day be populare is the Suck it through a Straw diet. If you can't suck it through a straw, then it's not worth eating. Now, for those brainy, creative types, you can blend up your pizza in a blender with a bit of milk and then such it down like a milkshake and it may cause the calories to not stick but run through instead.

Then there's the sorting diet. That means no eating until all of your food has been sorted into groups of 8. Eight Green peas, eight kernels of rice, eight kernels of corn. Once you have a large plate of groupings, divide the eight into however many groups you have and choose the 8 best looking piles. Only eat the 8.

When all else fails, I suggest trying the ice cream diet. The benefits is that you can eat all the ice cream you want. But, here's the catch. For every bowl of ice cream, you must eat 4 prunes afterwards. So, ice cream, 24/7 and the rest will be history!

So, what will it be? If you choose any of those and you have success, please drop me an email. I want to know that I'd done someone good!

15 comments:

Sandi said...

I can't believe that YOU of all people are saying the FOUR letter word on your BLOG! You never say bad words. I am shocked!

Even I don't say that word and I cuss like a sailor.

Buckeroomama said...

Haha --diets don't work for me. Only because I can never stick to them. I love food too much. I'm waiting for my copy of the 30 Day Shred, though, and will be giving that a try. :)

Tami said...

LOL I'm diggin those diets!*as I sit here SHOVING lemon cake in my mouth...thinking.. Hmmmm, my pants are awfully tight!

Shauna said...

Come on over to see my new book giveaway blog :)

Veronica Lee said...

Diets never work for me either!!

Jill said...

Diets and me... ummm not good!

Barrie said...

I noticed that none of your diets include exercise. ;)

Jennifer said...

Ice cream diet. All. The. Way! It may make you gain weight, but hey! it's a different kind of diet! LOL!

Nana said...

I've tried this diet that breaks down your food intake in 3 phases. Phase 1 (I didn't get past it), you can't eat meat, sugar, coffee, bananas, pineapples, white bread or rice or potatoes, or grains. I was wondering WHAT the hell can I eat?!? Nowadays, i got the secret! It's all about the portions. You eat just enough; like this, you aren't bloated, & you take time to taste the food instead of just gobbling it down. As well, you start seeing that your appetite changes & you arent as hungry anymore. Problem is, we eat too much & we are unhealthy because of it. We tend to overeat, we gobble down food. Food is supposed to be a sensory experience as much as a physical need; this is the aproach the french use. Their obesity rates are so low & they eat good food. They treat dinners with respect & they are usually accompanied with a glass of wine (that helps digestion & is good for the heart) They take time with the food, they respect it. AND... thx you sO much for the comments on my blog, You are absolutely the greatest, & I feel the same about you & Tangi. I wouldn't think of not visiting you guys if I ever pass by, & the same is extended to both of you. Montreal is a beautiful place, especially in summer ;)

Kimberley said...

Hilarious!!!
I'm particularly loving the gross out diet, I know that would work on me.... I get put off my food for something as simple as the cat passing gas!

Ihave absolutely no willpower whatsoever, particularly when it comes to food. I dread the day that I wake up and really can't bear to look in the mirror, because THEN I won't have a clue what to do! lol

xx

Deb said...

You know, if you help just one person, it will all be worth it...

:)

tangerine: said...

lol! oh my gosh mommy, you can't encourage people to do these diets. what if you get a faithful reader who tries all your diet fads and gets hospitalized?

sniff, sniff.
i smell a lawsuit. :]

Danica said...

Diets don't work. You have to figure out the total amount of calories you need to survive and then exercise on top of that and add a little more calories as you'll be burning lots of calories exercising. The key to losing weight (I've been working with some folks recently) I'm told is to write down what you eat (I did this and lost 11 pds so far) and the calories and also write down your exercise for the day.

I'm on a mission this year...next June 2nd I want to be at my goal weight.

Deidra said...

No diets. I refuse to participate in something that starts with d-i-e.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I gave up dieting years ago. But the condiment diet is tempting :-)

 

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