There's diets and then there's diets...what would you choose?

So, I've tried many diets in my life. There was one that was most memorable. It was the One Day Diet. You eat sensibly one day and the next day, you drink shakes, water and eat tablets that taste like chalk flavored chocolate. I lost inches but because on those "non-eating days" I was burned out on the tablets, I chose to starve instead.

I decided that dieting wasn't in my best interest. After all, why deprive myself of what I like - food, right? But, since that doesn't seem to be working, I've come up with a few diets of my own.

The first is the "No Chew" diet. If you suck on lets say, french fries and then swallow them when they are soft and mushy, the calories won't stick. The main idea is to make sure that the piece of food is either very small or mushy. Think about it….babies don't chew and a majority of them aren't overweight, right?

The next is, the Gross Out diet. That's the diet that is prepared and then eaten in fron of the health channel, mainly, the show ER, Life and Trauma. Guaranteed to make you supress your appetite.

Another is the Same Food diet. It's where you eat the same food every day, 24/7 until you get so burned out, you want to cry at the thought of eating it again. Say for instance you love bbq chips…that's breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Once you've hit food burnout, I guarantee you'll go running for the nearest head of cabbage or lettuce.

Then there's the condiment diet. That's right, only eat condiments. Your diet may look like this: breakfast, mustard and relish. Lunch - mayo, and ketchup. Dinner, salad dressing and hotsauce. It goes down easier when you think of how many calories you're saving by eating only the condiments and not the food that the condiments are spread on.

One of my all time favorites is the crunching diet. This involves eating in a room full of noise….loud, crunching noise. The nosier the better. The louder it is, the faster you eat to get out of there. It's a win win situation. You eat less and keep your sanity.

Another diet that may one day be populare is the Suck it through a Straw diet. If you can't suck it through a straw, then it's not worth eating. Now, for those brainy, creative types, you can blend up your pizza in a blender with a bit of milk and then such it down like a milkshake and it may cause the calories to not stick but run through instead.

Then there's the sorting diet. That means no eating until all of your food has been sorted into groups of 8. Eight Green peas, eight kernels of rice, eight kernels of corn. Once you have a large plate of groupings, divide the eight into however many groups you have and choose the 8 best looking piles. Only eat the 8.

When all else fails, I suggest trying the ice cream diet. The benefits is that you can eat all the ice cream you want. But, here's the catch. For every bowl of ice cream, you must eat 4 prunes afterwards. So, ice cream, 24/7 and the rest will be history!

So, what will it be? If you choose any of those and you have success, please drop me an email. I want to know that I'd done someone good!