Thursday, July 9, 2009

Giving back the soil - butt naked

I don't know why this memory crossed my mind but it did.

Years ago, when I was still dating my ex, we were hanging out at his parents house. A homeless guy came up the driveway and asked if he could have a drink from the water hose. I went inside, as dude started to drink from the hose. Minutes later, the hose was still on. I figured he must've really been thirsty! Not! Dude had stripped completely in the front yard and was running the hose over his body. My ex said, "Dude, what are you doing?" I will never forget his response...he said, "I'm giving back the soil." I mean, homeless and strung out and he was going green...way back when! Imagine that!

My ex told him that he had to get his clothes on. Dude asked to use the bathroom....so, the ex let him in the house. I was freaked out by then. Dude was in the bathroom for at least 10 minutes and the ex knocked on the door. "Hey, are you okay in there?" He opens the door, still naked and has a razor, shaving his hair. The ex says, "Dude, you can't do this! You've got to leave." So, homeless dude takes his naked self out the door and goes back to the water hose and continues to finish giving back the soil.

I called the cops. I'll be darn if I watch dude bathing in the front yard. The cops came and asked, "What are you doing?" His reply? "I'm giving back the soil."

They asked him to stop bathing so that they could talk to him. So, he sat, naked, on the curb, soaking wet.

Turns out, before giving back the soil, he had taken a bit of elephant tranquilizer (can't think of the street name for it right name but similar to pcp). Needless to say, he had to throw on some shorts as he was led into the squad car. I wonder if he's still earth conscious?

23 comments:

skywind said...

Oh, looks like he to be a little crazy.
Health information & Humor & Fun World

thatgirlblogs said...

I'm very worried about his hairdo. Was it half-shaved, or did he finish?

Veronica Lee said...

He does sound like someone who's not right in the head!
I would have totally freaked out !!

Butler and Bagman said...

Well told...mixture of humor and pathos. Poor guy. And you and your ex had just the right mixture of good heart and good bounderies.

Tami said...

Ewwww.I would have freaked out, naked man, giving back soil. Good thing he wasn't having a BAD trip. Those guys are like the Hulk when they have a bad one!

Deidra said...

Oh my! Too funny! On so many levels.

MBB Founder and Editor Denene Millner said...

Oh. My.

I'm still trying to find the sentence where you explain why your ex thought it a good idea to let a naked, wet, homeless guy into the bathroom... and was it his razor, or one of yours?!

Oh. My.

Justine said...

You let him IN THE HOUSE? OMG, I would never!!!! He was naked already. If he had to go potty all he had to do was either stand there or squat. It wouldn't be much of a stretch to imagine him doing that.

Justine :o )

anne h said...

I learned the hard way to not let dudes like that in the house in the first place. Gotta use the potty? Tell 'em to give THAT back to the soil...in someone else's yard!
Great story!

Kwana said...

Ha! I can't believe he was let in the house. He was already naked. I would have said go on and pee out there your ain't got no pant on any ways!! LOL. Great story and scary. Poor thing.

Lauren said...

As strange as this my seem, this story reminded me of the Lion King. Remember when Mufasa told Simba how when they die, there remains go back into the Earth, feed the plants, the animals eat the plants, the lions eat those animals... and there we have the circle of life.

Why a naked homeless man reminded me of a Disney... we may never know.

(I think it was the "Giving back the soil")


~stopping by via SITS~

African American Mom said...

Funny Memory!

Tooj said...

I love this story! LOL That's hilarious....well, not if you were freaked out...but well, yeah, even if you were freaked out. LOL I think it's very kind of you and your ex to try and help him, though. That shows a very kind heart, and that is wonderful. I'm popping over from SITS roll call. Happy Friday.

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

Ummm... that was nice of your ex to let him use your bathroom. I would have called the cops W A Y before that! Hahaha! Great story.

travel girl said...

At work laughing my ass off!!!

blueviolet said...

That would have freaked me out completely! I can't believe your ex let him in the house!

Joyce said...

A funny story, but in some ways I had to feel sorry for him. I can't imagine walking around naked. Have a golden weekend! xoxo

Joanna Jenkins said...

Whoa! What a story. I can't believe the guy started shaving in the bathroom!
You're a great storyteller :-)

Ina in Alaska said...

YIKES! Your ex made some bad decisions (other than you)--why would he have let an absolute stranger into the house!!! Drink from the hose, YES. Into the house? NOT!!

Angel said...

Too funny, and sad at the same time..Wow

Jenjen @GottaLoveMom said...

Oh boy....

Danica said...

Laughing at the thought...

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Would have been totally ok with the hose thing. But the inside bathroom thing? Never.

Hallie

 

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