Sunday, September 27, 2009

Dear to Whom It May Concern...

This letter will be addressed to certain individuals, please see that this correspondence is taken seriously.

Dear Maker of Sponge Bob underwear,
It's a known fact that when you steal the heart of a two year old, you are supposed to come with a guarantee to make said two year old not pee in her pants but to keep her Sponge Bob panties dry. Is this a faulty pair?

Dear Maker of Rubber pants,

How is it that you make your products out of rubber to hold the pee from saturating couch cushions and yet, it still fails?? Was this a faulty pair?

Dear Maker of Generic Brand Pullups with the Cute Kitty Cat on the front,

I don't get it. When one has to resort to pullups to keep above mentioned two year old dry, how is it that she pooped on the pillow cushions on the couch? Was it a faulty pair?

Dear Dr. Spock,

When you wrote books on parenting, did you have any idea what type of parent you were writing this for? Did you consider that some of your readers would be previous moms many, many years ago and now dealing with an incontinent two year old at age 46? Do you know how many bottles of hair dye this is going to cost you to replace the gray hairs that this one day has already caused? Was your advice faulty?

Dear Author of A Fish Out of Water,

Thank you for a story about what could happen when Otto gets fed too much. Does this book come with guarantees that the above mentioned two year old will not have nightmares of Monster Otto showing up in her bedroom?

Dear Composer of Disney Lullabies....

A huge thank you for the sweet songs that were an attempt to put the previously mentioned two year old to sleep but did you have to end the cd with the theme song to Mickey Mouse Club? That's like playing Richard Simmons Sweating to the Oldies while trying to sleep....same concept. Was this a faulty cd?

Dear God,

This precious two year old has worn me out. Can you give her slight sniffles tomorrow so I can have an excuse to give her a little Bendadryl?

20 comments:

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

LOL Simone! Also you're scaring me as I have not yet embarked on the journey of potty training and it is one of my biggest fears! I'll have to keep these letters on stand-by when I do. ;-)

P.S. -- I used to do Sweatin' to The Oldies' with my mom when I was just a little girl. We really tore up the carpet with all that booty-shakin' and spirited fingers we used. Hahahah! Loved it!

Buckeroomama said...

Oh, Simone, you are too funny! Note: I`m laughing not because of your misadventures in potty training, but because of your very humorous take on things. :)

With Zoe, we used a combination of elimination communication and the Baby Signs Potty Training Program. I was testing the DVD that came with the Baby Signs kit and she was watching it along with Josh. This was when she was 9.5months old. One day she walked over to the bath room door and did the baby sign for `potty` and when I sat her down on the toilet, she did her thing! We never taught her the sign for `potty,`well, because I had no plans of potty training her yet then... but after that, we were on our way. There have been accidents along the way, but she`s 95% there. She`s been dry through the night for a couple of weeks now, but I`m not yet brave enough to take her off night time nappies yet.

Good luck with Baby Boo!

Ina in Alaska said...

Smiling!! So fun to see what you have going on!!! xoxo

Elle Bee said...

I think I wrote those letters! HA!
Elle

Momma Rae and the Deputy said...

aww.............
potty training, my Oh my... not going so well in this house either..

Deidra said...

Oh you make me laugh out loud! Perfect start to my Monday. Hope yours is a successful potty day!

sherry ♥ lee said...

Simone you have one wickedly good sense of humour!!! I don't envy you the joys of toilet training and getting a two year old to sleep...every one of these letters makes so much sense!!! The last one was my favourite!!!! ;)

Nezzy said...

What a hysterically funny take you have of potty training. My DIL carefully planned for me to have the children when they were weened from the breast or potty training needed to take place. Amazingly it usually happened when their parents took the youth to Youth Camp.

Just a thought. When my son and DIL returned after a week their babes were weened or trained.

Good luck Hun, these are times that try Moms soul!!!

Danica said...

LOL you must be one worn out momma!!

Ev`Yan said...

The last letter to God made me laugh out loud, Mommy!!! Here's hoping she starts sneezing. ;]

Anita said...

That scares me...the thought of having a two year old in my household again! But God gives us what we need to do what we have to do.
Hang in there Girlfriend!

Heart2Heart said...

Simone,

I think we all could have signed a few of those letters ourselves. They are just made to help not to be perfect.

I never noticed about the Disney CD's until you mentioned it. You are right, it is the very last song played. This is where you burn your own and delete that track.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Jenni Jiggety said...

Ehhh...give her the Benadryl anyway. ;-D

Momof3 said...

lol All those same things could apply to my 3 year old except change the sponge bob to dora.

JennyMac said...

hahahahaha....SO SO funny. We are in pullups and not quite in rubber pants and SpongeBob underwear phase. Will be on lookout for faulty pairs though as I do not want them in my house either. LOL.

blueviolet said...

I've never been able to figure out the point of rubber pants because they don't keep anything in!

Tami said...

LOL< I adore your lists! You crack me up every time I read yo urblog! Miss ya girlie. Hope all is well with you. Homework and work are my every WAKING thought..LOL

The Peach Tart said...

Oh how I remember that days.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Glad to see you still have your sense of humor after all that letter writing :-) I hope Little boo catches on soooooooon!

Hang in there.
xo

Lin said...

Everyone ought to take a daily dose of Benedryl--you know, sometime around 2:00 or so. And then, quiet would reign over the world for an hour or so. Doesn't that sound dreamy?

 

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