This letter will be addressed to certain individuals, please see that this correspondence is taken seriously.
Dear Maker of Sponge Bob underwear,
It's a known fact that when you steal the heart of a two year old, you are supposed to come with a guarantee to make said two year old not pee in her pants but to keep her Sponge Bob panties dry. Is this a faulty pair?
Dear Maker of Rubber pants,
How is it that you make your products out of rubber to hold the pee from saturating couch cushions and yet, it still fails?? Was this a faulty pair?
Dear Maker of Generic Brand Pullups with the Cute Kitty Cat on the front,
I don't get it. When one has to resort to pullups to keep above mentioned two year old dry, how is it that she pooped on the pillow cushions on the couch? Was it a faulty pair?
Dear Dr. Spock,
When you wrote books on parenting, did you have any idea what type of parent you were writing this for? Did you consider that some of your readers would be previous moms many, many years ago and now dealing with an incontinent two year old at age 46? Do you know how many bottles of hair dye this is going to cost you to replace the gray hairs that this one day has already caused? Was your advice faulty?
Dear Author of A Fish Out of Water,
Thank you for a story about what could happen when Otto gets fed too much. Does this book come with guarantees that the above mentioned two year old will not have nightmares of Monster Otto showing up in her bedroom?
Dear Composer of Disney Lullabies....
A huge thank you for the sweet songs that were an attempt to put the previously mentioned two year old to sleep but did you have to end the cd with the theme song to Mickey Mouse Club? That's like playing Richard Simmons Sweating to the Oldies while trying to sleep....same concept. Was this a faulty cd?
This precious two year old has worn me out. Can you give her slight sniffles tomorrow so I can have an excuse to give her a little Bendadryl?
18 minutes ago