Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

That's probably my all time favorite saying and you know what? I totally believe it to be true. I have used this to do things that I never thought I'd ever do before. No, not bungee jumping or jumping out of a plane but doing things that I would've allowed fear to prevent from happening.

There's another favorite of mine that comes from a song..."sometimes the thrill of soaring has to begin with the fear of falling". I have experienced many fears in my lifetime.

As a kid, I was so afraid of the dark that I would wet the bed instead of getting up in the dark to go to the bathroom. I would wake my twin sister up to go with me to the bathroom. Even then, I'd be shaking as I walked through the darkness.

As I got older, I feared not being accepted or pretty enough. I saw the kind of girls that guys were looking for and I failed to attract those guys so I feared always being alone.

Also, as a teen, I feared driving. My sister and I had been rear ended by a drunk driver who failed to stop at a stop light and that did it for me. I refused to drive...until I was faced with the fear of not being able to get to my very first job at Disneyland on my own. I gripped the steering wheel each time I got behind the wheel but I made it there safely and then back home safely. (I won't mention the time that I got on so many wrong freeways that I was headed to Sacramento instead.)

Then, as I eloped and married who I thought was the person I would be with forever, I feared. I feared the unknown. Yet, it was sort of an exciting fear....like a challenge of sorts. I anticipated each day anew.

Suddenly, two kids later and depression looming not too far around the bend, on 9/11, that signaled the beginning of anxiety and fear in a major way for me. Here I was, an adult and back to being afraid of the dark. I saw and heard imaginary noises. I would dive under the covers. I would watch the news and before I knew it, I imagined a home invasion robbery about ready to happen. I imagined my kids being hurt. I imagined dying young. I feared so much but never let on outside of my house, just how much I feared.

One day, I realized just how much the fear was affecting who I was. I took a good look at the worst that could happen within my control and I came up with zero. Nothing was in my control...it was not in my hands at all, but totally in His.

When my fear of my husband being unfaithful came to surface and then really did happen, I felt the fear. I reacted to the fear but the fear didn't stop me. I felt the fear and did it anyway. I moved on. I kept on moving. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "I AM Who I AM Says I AM" and nobody is going to make me think otherwise.

The fear slowly dissipated. It wasn't overnight...it was a process but not one that I dealt with all on my own. Each time I faced a challenge and met it, I applauded and cheered for myself.

Each time I heard the voice, "You can't do that!" I said to the voice, "Oh yes, I can!" and I did.

Yes, I still get fearful of the unknown but I no longer feel alone in my fears.

Oh and there is still one more challenge that I have yet to meet...I want to go karaoking. I don't fear that others will laugh, I look forward to meeting one more fear and doing it anyway!