I did something scary yesterday. Something I really don't do or for that matter, like to do. I LOOKED AT MYSELF. Without any clothes on (getting ready to hop into the shower), I took a look and surveyed what I would call "the damage". I saw wrinkles and dimples and scratches and fat, OH MY! I saw a tummy that could use plenty of sit ups and boobs that were no longer vibrant with life but sagging from age. I saw beauty marks that have appeared out of nowhere. But I saw ME! I realized that in spite of my disappointment of what I looked like in that mirror, I am a work in progress and always will be. I will never be content with the way I look on the outside. I will never be perfectly content with my hair, my legs, my stomach, my toes or even my arm pits. I can use what I've got to make it better or I can sit back and become complacent, thinking, "I am who I am and God loves me just the same". So much of my life I've spent worrying about the outside of me b...

My twin sis and I have had many close "brushes with death". At least, to us, they were "close brushes". One day, we were in our room, practicing for our "stage debut aka becoming famous singers. I picked up the closest thing to a drum stick and began to bang. What was it that I picked up???? A thermometer. I banged and we sang. Suddenly, I noticed silver balls resembling bb's on the floor. I bent down to pick one up and it split into 4 more smaller balls. Wow! I called my sis over to see the "magical bb's" on the floor, not realizing that those "bb's" were actually mercury from the thermometer. We touched and watched them split, wanting to see how many smaller balls they'd produce. One of us brainiacs then decided to figure out what those magic balls were and where they came from. Left sitting on the chord organ was the broken thermometer. Oh man! The atmosphere changed. How many times had our mom told us about people dying ...

I lost my precious boy, Sam on Saturday to liver cancer. As sudden as it was....he was fine last Sunday and by Monday, he was struggling. I have so many wishes. I wish I could've held him and kissed him a million more times. I wish I would've been able to play with him and his squeak squeak instead of being absorbed in the typical busyness of life. I wish I would've told him over and over again how much he changed my life. Nine years ago, Sam was etched into my heart. I called him the Million Dollar Dog because he had so many close brushes with death, yet, he was resilient and tough. He gave and gave, even when at times, I knew he was too tired to give. My Termite Inspector was and will be missed beyond words. I really don't know how I will find life okay without him because he was such an integral part of my heart. For now, all I can say is I love you, My Sam. You are my number one boy!

The joy in finding someone special has been amazing and exhilarating and more than anything, fun. After meeting some horrific toads, I can easily say that the prince has arrived. Not Prince as in Purple Rain but the prince as in someone that I am cherishing spending time with. We are enjoying the chance to develop not only a friendship but build on our strengths and work together on our weaknesses. We both know that God has a sense of humor because with his 4 and my two + two bonus son in law and soon to be son in law, it makes for a very full heart. We have laughed so much in the last few weeks, more than I ever thought possible. I have even shed tears of joy. I find that I wake up smiling and fall asleep, smiling. If this is what it's all about, then I'm head over heels, anticipating the other surprises along the way. Last year, this same time, I was wondering where it was that I was supposed to be. I questioned my purpose, my desires and most of all, direction. Being unemplo...