My oldest baby turned 21 today. Married Boo is the greatest replica of something wonderful....me! Just kidding about me being wonderful but she really is. Honestly though, when she was a baby, well, wonderful wouldn't exactly describe her.
She came into the world wanting the whole world to know. First off, she was almost born in the car. This kid wasn't waiting for nobody! I arrived at the hospital at 1:00 and 1:07 pm, there she was! Close call. But at least the labor was halfway doable. She resembled an Asian baby so for that reason, my ex went to the nursery and picked up the wrong baby, kissed, held and cradled it until the nurse pointed to the name tag and told him, "That's not yours...THIS one is yours!" To this day, we tease her that her name is really supposed to be Ling Ling Chung a Lung.
The roller coaster ride became even more eventful. The kid got into everything. Never quite understood how one little being could empty out a jar of Vaseline in less than three minutes and paint not only herself but her room with greasy fingerprints. Apparently, she loved to paint because I'll spare her the embarrassment of telling the story about her finger poop painting. **I love you Baby!*
There was no hold her back. I thought something was wrong with her when she refused to crawl. At 8 months, one day, she pulled up on the couch and took off. I kid you not. The girl walked at 8 months. Imagine the fun of her being able to scale her crib, walk down the hall, open the fridge, get out an apple, turn on the tv and vcr and sit on the floor and veg until someone got up and discovered she had been awake since 4 am.
Now that I think of it, that explains why I have gray hair! I got it honestly, from keeping up with her. So for Married Boo's birthday, I've decided to send her a bill from me to be paid in full ASAP:
$2,000.00 for Black hair dye to cover up the grays
$10,000.00 for medical expenses incured when you swallowed a nickel, drank a bottle of Dimmetapp, ate the silicon stuffing from your diaper, put a hole the size of a quarter in your tongue, pulled 4 teeth in one day just so you could make bank from the Tooth Fairy.
$50,000.00 for mental anguish and embarrassment when you walked in on your dad and I inspecting each other navels for lint.
$20,000.00 the time spent patching up your ugly "A--" dress that you insisted on wearing because you wanted to look like Annie.
$40,000.00 for coming to your rescue every time you claim there was a "huge, gigantic" spider
in your room. By the way, did anyone ever tell you that there is a difference between huge and little???
$10,000.00 in lack of sleep while seaching for the lost binky, which after going out to the store at 2 AM, it was found in one of your dad's shoes.
Now that I think of all of this....there's no money in the world that can measure the joys and smiles that you've brought me so let's go ahead and call it even, k?
I love you Baby! Happy birthday!
W A T W
25 minutes ago