Is God's middle name Allen Funt?

Do you remember the show Candid Camera? I swear that my life reads like there is one non-stop moment where I’m waiting for someone, somewhere to pop out and say, “Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!”

Just the other day, I was walking out of the grocery store when I heard, plink and then another and then two more. “What the….???” The plinking was coming from one of my grocery bags where my wooden skewers were dropping on the ground through a hole in the bag. I looked over my shoulder and waited for Allen to pop out but he never did. So…I stepped over the mess and kept on walking.

This morning while going down the stairs, there was a huge paper towel covering something up. It could’ve been someone’s underwear, crime scene evidence, a piece of cake, a dead bug (a really big one)…I looked around just in case the hidden camera was close by, fixed my hair, just in case and kept on going.

Yesterday, a visiting doctor came into my department to speak to me concerning her continuing education credits. I’m not sure what country she was from but I swear she said this….Gugy no pecspkski ya?! Zhek argh skimski sebu ya?” The first time, I got by with asking her to repeat herself but I knew that the next time, I had to answer her somehow but with what type of answer. I guessed and ad libbed by saying, “Yes, that’s correct.” (When in doubt, that seems like the most likeliest answer.) She looked at me with glazed eyes and said, “YAHH!! Kupsky denktaya sidsjy ta,!!” So, I looked around for Allen or the hidden camera and it was no where to be seen.

I really wish that the mistakes and embarrassments that I experience could be in reality, Candid Camera. That way, when the atm machine spits out, “overdrawn” Allen pops out and says, “Smile! You’re on Candid Camera!”