Friday, January 23, 2009

The Doctor is In

I need help....maybe psychological help of some sort. I have taken to playing doctor way too seriously and have begun self-diagnosing myself.

It all began when my then husband, now ex came home and described a co-workers symptoms. I asked questions and wrote them down and then got on the internet and with the search, came up with his diagnosis...Diabetes. I told my ex, "He needs to see a doctor; he's diabetic." Surprisingly, I was right.

This led to the heightened excitement of diagnosing others and even volunteering to do surgery (after all I do have a scalpel). The disclaimer is that if you should die or suffer brain trauma, you will not hold me responsible!

The harm comes in diagnosing myself. I have had *according to my diagnosis* lupus, fibromylagia, leukemia, asbestos related airway disease, Lyme disease, dustmititis (new disease I discovered) and stress baldness. I recently went to the doctor for pain and swelling in my foot that has now radiated to my knee. She wants to send me for an MRI. I'm thinking, it's more than likely bone cancer. I may want to save her all of the research and just tell her to send me the bill.

***I'm definitely not meaning any harm to sufferers of those diseases, I mainly wanted to share my "stupidity" of self-diagnosing.

I've now come to the conclusion that I need to either hang up the stethoscope or open an underground medical office. Any takers for the first surgery??? I'll give you a huge discount.

11 comments:

Tenakim said...

I'm pretty good at diagnosing others, too. For my own problems, I just stay in denial.

McEwens said...

I sign up for the surgery, Liposuction please!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

LOL, I try to stay away from Google when something is not feeling right. I too would think I am on my deathbed otherwise.

Sandi said...

I am with McEwens. But I want a Breast Aug! Where are we going to purchase the implants. I am sure Google will point us in the right direction.

travel girl said...

Man, the older I get, the more dieases I diagnosis myself with.

Sucks to get old.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Sandi, I think we could get by with using pig bladders for the breast aug and for the lipo, the turkey baster hooked to a vacuum cleaner may work wonders!

jill jill bo bill said...

OMG that is hysterical! My best friend was a Med Transcriptionist and after hearing all these diagnoses, she was convinced she had it. We made so much fun of her. Thanks for the giggle and you will be fine. I know it.

Rebecca Jo said...

Shoot - with the insurance problems going on in this country - dont say that too loud- people will probably take you up on that!!

Veronica Lee said...

Try this Indian remedy for diabetes. It has worked for many people. Cut off the ends of 2 okras and soak them in a cup of warm water at night.Drink the liquid the next morning. My mom who has tried the remedy claims her blood sugar level went down during her last check-up. You can google for more information. Use the keywords 'okra diabetes'

Soxy Deb said...

Sometimes too much information is NOT a good thing. It is hard to not look up symptoms though - blast this damn information superhighway. Sons of bitches!!

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