Tuesday, March 10, 2009

When I get old

(a letter to my daughters)

When I get old....

1. Smell me before I walk out the door. I don't want to be responsible for anyone being overcome by ancient perfume fumes.

2. I want a chia head. Yep. I can cut the hair, braid it, part it in the middle...rub it's head....

3. I want the clapper. I live to grow old just so I can clap on and clap off.

4. Don't withhold any information from me. I want to know when I'm expected to kick the bucket so I can go out and raise some hell before I go.

5. Don't expect me to eat my foods soft. If I can't chew, then I would much prefer a fried chicken IV with Ben and Jerry's ice cream IV for dessert.

6. If by chance I end up needing a walker, please make sure it has turbo boost on it so it can fly me wherever I want to go.

7. If I look like crap, don't tell me that I look good and then behind my back talk about how I have one foot in death's door.

8. If I end up with alzheimer's, don't feel bad if you have to tell me that you've heard the same story over and over again. Just give me "the look" and I'll shut up and move on to the next subject.

9. Don't suggest that I join the Red Hat club. I don't do hats and definitely not red ones.

10. Don't make excuses for me when I go to Hometown Buffet and pull out my tupperware. After all, senior citizens are on a limited budget.

11. No. I'm not ready for the talk. You know the one that says, "where do you want your plot to be and how big"? Surprise me! Better yet, just have me stuffed and park me in your living room so I will always been in your thoughts.

Signed,
Mommy who doesn't want to grow old for a looooong time

11 comments:

Sandi said...

I don't even want to think about this stuff!

Pancake said...

Oh yeah, no.... not ready for this.

The perfume one, that is sooooo true!

Veronica Lee said...

It scares me that eventually I have to think of this stuff.

Tenakim said...

my husband 44, needs to put some of these on a list for NOW!

apricot tea. said...

HAHA! Mommy, you are too much!

Do you really think Jarani & I would let you go out of the house smelling like "who done it, & why"? We would tell you! (Or I know I would.) I would say, "Phew... what in God's name is that smell?! Oh Lord, Mommy, you're funking up my living room!" LOL.

But in all seriousness, I don't see you getting old for a very, very long time. There will be no talks about tombstones or retirement homes. Not any time soon. =]

Tami said...

heh heh, I LOVED this! Your kids will do all you ask and a whole lot more!

Deb said...

If you get stuffed, you should travel the country and visit all of us. That way we can get a good blog post out of it.

Danica Lynn said...

HA too funny!

My momma was part of the red hat club. It use to crack me up!

Tismee2 said...

I'd hate to be a smelly old dear.

We spent almost the whole of the dinner last weekend talking about who will get what when hubby's parents pop their clogs. Like it was the most natural of conversations. MIL who has altzeimers just sat smiling at everyone.
I got in a mention that I 'love' the Royal Crown Derby animal collection she has......well, shy bairns get nowt as they say here.

Ben & Jerry's IV? mmmmmm

Soxy Deb said...

Good gravy in the navy if I didn't read #3 wrong. I read "I want the clap" and couldn't understand WTH you would want that. Took me a minute. I'm operating on very few brain cells over here. Sorry about that.
And number 11? Prop me up beside the juke box. I'm good.

ilovemy5kids said...

Too cute!!! I'm in total agreement, although, I want the clapper now!

Came for the party! I'm glad I stopped by...

www.ilovemy5kids.blogspot.com

 

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