Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sex...continued

We tried to "memorize" the information so we could go home and discuss all that we had read. Words like, cum, masturbation, erotic, orgasm....what the heck????

We got home and stayed up nights talking about "it". The very first time I french kissed, I was repulsed. To exchange spit with someone that was "germy" to me was disgusting. I went home and shared that with my sister too. I was curious about sex but feared God's wrath and my parents wrath more than the urge to give it a try. Even thinking of sex made me think that I needed to ask for forgiveness somehow.

The boy that I french kissed wanted to go further but I told him straight out, "no". He begged and gave me lines like, "Guys have needs, you know and if they don't get "it" then it hurts them and you don't want to hurt me, do you?" I was naive but not that naive. I told him no once again and he got mad at me. He stopped talking to me because I was "mean" and didn't really care about him. He made my no turn into something that I should be ashamed of by telling others that I was a goody two shoes and I wasn't going to give up anything.

Flash forward to when I got married. It was now "legitimately okay" to have sex with my husband but I still felt somehow like I was doing something wrong. What really messed with my head was when one Sunday, the pastor at church was speaking on marriage and he said, " When you are in your bedroom making love, you are to ask invite Jesus into your bedroom and ask for him to be there with you. Huh??? So, whenever we were together, I couldn't help but think that God was sitting right there on the bed, watching my every move. It didn't bring about intimacy, only embarrassment and hesitance. Even when I put on sexy nighties, I felt like running to hide under the covers.

To be continued...the end of the story is on it's way...I promise!

11 comments:

Justine said...

WHAT? Invite Jesus into the bedroom with you? that is the most insane thing I've ever heard! Jesus is always with us, but I like to believe he closes his eyes and turns his back when the nasty is going on.

Geez girl, you poor thing. You were so repressed. I sure do hope Boo knocked that crap outta ya!

Justine :o )

DebraLSchubert said...

I've heard of menage-a-trois, but that's ridiculous!

Lion-ess said...

I can't believe the pastor said that.. that's really shocking... how unnerving!
excited to read more

blueviolet said...

How did I miss part one? That would have screwed me up too with the Jesus in the bedroom!

hellesbelles86 said...

Wow this is fascinating from my point of view being younger and having grown up in a different time when things are not quite as tough about that stuff. Nice to meet you!

Lin said...

Yeah, no. I don't think I want Jesus in bed with me. Ewwwww!

Danica said...

Holy cow, I can't imagine inviting Jesus into my bed. Creepy.

I remember the first boy I kissed. He tried to stick his tongue down my throat and I ran away as fast as I could.

anne h said...

Good Gosh-A-Mighty!
I'm new to your blog, but gosh. That is ...true enough on one hand, but on the other hand ....WOW!

Jill said...

My mother in law told me that Jesus is in the bedroom with her and my father in law. I couldn't really respond to that. I hope if he is he is wearing blind folds!

Tami said...

A pastor said to invite Jesus in the bedroom? I would have turned tail and ran out of church!

Our Lord and Savior is the BIG CHEESE! Our dad, our brother, our love..yet, to have him in the bedroom is..uh.. a lil scary LOL.

I'd put my hand on my hate'me LOL. remember that?!

You have me on the edge of my seat!


I was going to call ya back last night.. but my house hold was full until 10:00 people kept poppin in LOL.
We'll talk tonight!!

HuGZ

Joanna Jenkins said...

A three-way with Jesus. Oh that's just wrong ;-)

 

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