Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Frienemy

I cut my toenails too short....

I walk and feel pain at the tips of some of my toes because they are exposed and waiting to be smooshed, stepped on or stubbed.

That's what vulnerability is...being exposed and not knowing what may come your way and how to deal with it.

I've experienced enough to last a time but one that sticks out is that of someone that I thought was a friend. I now know that she was a frienemy...disguised as a friend but really an enemy.

I had one of the best jobs around. I was the principal's secretary at an elementary school/office manager/vice principal/substitute teacher and photocopy mechanic as well as a parent advocate. I wore many hats but LOVED the kids and the staff...most of them. A parent volunteer would come in and help in the office and it became a regular, every day thing. She was kindhearted and even willing to answer phones or sit in my place (for free and without pay). At the time, I was going through the divorce and she quickly embraced my struggles and adopted me and my daughters as "family".

Long story short, money came up missing from the safe at the job...PTA money...then accusations started that I was the only one besides the principal that knew the combination. I vehemently stood my ground and let the chief of school police know that there were others that knew the combination...not just me. I cried out to the principal that I wasn't a thief, never was a thief and would return even a penny if found at a cash register. Teachers and PTA folks began whispering...suspicious looks. I hated going into a place that I had found so much joy. Ironically, my frienemy picked up the slack and became an ongoing presence there. She was like a fly buzzing around on some dog poop.

Three weeks went by and one morning, I went in search of some paper and opened a cupboard across from my office and there was the bag of money....over $3,000.00 worth. I had been set up. The person that I thought was a friend had it in her mind all along that I'd be asked to step down and she'd step into my job. She KNEW the combination to the safe and even moreso, had been accused previously of stealing Girl Scout funds.

I was devastated and asked for an apology and I was told by the school district, "Forget it, you won't get one." The frienemy smiled in my face and rubbed my back and said, "I'm so sorry this happened to you."

A few weeks later, I left on medical leave due to asbestos exposure. The frienemy was handed my job, without no prior experience as a school secretary.

For months, I was so devastated. I no longer had the desire to trust anyone to be my friend. I was guarding myself....after all...the man that I thought I'd be married to forever lost my trust and then a close friend as well??? I went into shut down mode...not wanting to reach out or to have anyone reach out to me. I hated her...yes...I struggled inwardly for having lost something that I loved and enjoyed and even more, I lost a part of me during that time.

I feel that part of me returning now. It's taken time..a few years...but I'm trusting again and feeling alive and willing to share my life with others as a friend. I am willing to trust but still hate the thought of being betrayed or hurt...yet, I will learn, I will heal, I will grow....and I AM okay.

27 comments:

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

So glad you are back...You have had some blows....What a special person you are

Ina in Alaska said...

You are wiser too. I am sure you will never get into that sort of arrangement again.

Frau said...

Glad you are feeling like yourself again. Don't let her win.....you are a strong women and are better than her. Rise above!

CaliGirlTrace said...

OH what a beautiful blog entry. It really hit home for me. I love your term "frienemy". I think I may have to adopt that. You are an amazing person and every day that I read your blog I find more that I like about you. (((hugs))) I am happy that you're as strong as you are and that you're allowing yourself to trust again. I recently went back to FB (though there have been "frienemy" problems) and just tonight I put up a quote in my status line about how one has to trust in order to feel love and joy.. and how we are so vulnerable when we do that.

CaliGirlTrace said...

Oh ps.. it's me, Tracy (LuvMyViking) I closed my blogs and that name above is my google acct.

ethelmaepotter! said...

Yes, you ARE okay. And the frienemy is NOT. She has some tough lessons in life to learn, and she's not going to win any FRIENDS if she continues on her current path of deceit and dishonesty. She has my pity - for her way of living will win her no awards; but you have my admiration - because you have been able to rise above all this.

Buckeroomama said...

There are times when there is nothing you can do when faced with an undesirable situation except move on --which I think you have done remarkably well, so kudos to you for that. As for the frenemy... well, there's karma.

Veronica Lee said...

I'm so happy you're back. Stay strong, sister!!

We won a RM50 voucher for the pizza competition which was good only for 1 meal!!!

Danica said...

Hugs. You are so special and such a great person.

I had a friend like that, except now she's sleeping with my ex-husband.

Tami said...

I can't believe she did that to you! One of my many reasons I have few "girlie" friends. I've had a similar situation and trust is hard to come by.

Not only that, she had tried to break up my marriage. after 18 years. Little did she know. My hunny hubby and I are A LOT stronger then her accusations would ever be.

I had taken classes on Criminal Justice at the local college, confronted her. Liars can never remember what they say. Because it's NOT a memory. Her story changed and when my husband realized, what she had done and how she almost ruined our marriage over a lie. I decided then and there. I'd rather have NO friends then a enemy I knew nothing about.

I can laugh now. Hold my head up. Trust is still hard for me.
Makes us ALL WISER doesn't it LOL

Deidra said...

Oh I know this story all too well. Thank God for healing, and for the fact that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I'm still weak in the knees from my own frienemy experiences, but I know that all will one day be well again.

The Peach Tart said...

So sorry this happened to you but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Glad you are bouncing back and you'll bounce higher than before given time.

I had a big BFF betrayal earlier this year. A friend of 13 years. I've moved on while more cautious about who I call friend. I'm waiting for karmic retribution on that bitch ass though.

Shawn said...

wow----what a sad story! It would be hard to deal with a person like that....

Just visiting over from SITS!

Multiple personalities.. said...

Stopping by from SITS... I just am constantly amazed t the audacity of people, and how some will stop at nothing to reach new lows. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope things get better from here on out. Hang in there, and I hope you have a blessed day.

Heart2Heart said...

Well you know what they say, what comes around goes around and vengence is mine sayth the Lord!

You could have really let her have it but you turned the other cheek. I know that this sets you up to be on the cautious side with others you want to be your friend.

You've got to give them a fresh slate and put trust back out their 100%, otherwise you are taking out your feelings of being hurt on sincere people that really want to be your true friend. Not one for the wrong reason.

This situation will definitely make you more aware to the clues given by anyone who claims to be your friend. I like to trust my instincts and keep certain feelings at bay if I feel I am dealing with someone who is less than trustworthy.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Heart2Heart said...

Just got this quote in my email and I had to share it with you.

"It isn't the people you fire who make your life miserable, it's the people you don't." -- Harvey Mackay


Love and Hugs ~ Kat

mother goose said...

wow, beautifully written! I understand that hurt and betrayal. I understand not wanting to trust anyone or open up to people. i went through it myself, but after licking my wounds and coming out stronger and wiser, I learned that the only person who was truly aching was myself because I was not willing to put myself out there again.
i am so glad you are opening up again and trusting because its like water to a dying soul. When we close off a part of ourselves we deny ourselves pure and full happiness. Let go of the cancer and heal. I think it means you are forgiving them completely.
It's hard. I know.

Lion-ess said...

The good thing is that you're wiser, stronger and you're back.
It's hard to imagine someone could be so sneaky.

craisin:D said...

You know, I've always believed in the saying "what comes around goes around" and i honestly can't imagine the pain you had to suffer.

It's like walking through the dark and all of a sudden, when you reach for the light, you get a slap in the face:/

God Bless you for being the better person, and turning the other cheek. im rooting for ya:)

Yours Truly,

Caitlyn

Lin said...

We've all had these in our lives, but I haven't lost a job----whoa, wait a minute! Yes, I lost a job to one of these too! Except I got fired. It hurts, doesn't it?? I could kill that woman to this day for doing that to me--or pushing my buttons so I did it to myself, I guess. Arrrghhh. There is a special place in hell for these types.

Elle Bee said...

Oh that makes me so mad! I don't know why some people are like that. And though one should never focus on revenge, the best revenge is living well and not letting her ruin your other friendships and trustworthy relationships.
Big hugs,
Elle
PS I received my lovely gifts yesterday and have been enjoying them immensely!! I will be putting them up on my blog in a few days. THANKS!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I'm not sure if I'd have strangled the frienemy or sat back and watched for when her karma eventually catches up with her. She's pathetic.

But, as so many have already said, you are wiser for it and that's what counts. I am so sorry you had even a moment of sadness over this.

xo

Vegas Linda Lou said...

What a beautiful post, Simone. You're a strong woman! I know you don't swear, but weren't you just a teensy bit tempted to let it rip and give it to that "frienemy" but good?

Nana said...

Ive been missing, im back (again, lol) Im sorry this bitch got close to you. She must be wicked to the core to so damn trifling, Karma is a bitch... she'll get hers. Im glad you've moved on, don't let that b**** get to you. Oh my, Ive cursed too much, but Im pissed. Im sorry this happened to you.

Megryansmom said...

Good Morning! You're a WINNER! Head over to claim your prizes. Thanks!

blueviolet said...

That is wicked. It takes so long to rebound from something like that. I'm glad you're feeling more trusting and open again now because you sure have a lot of people who love you and will be true friends!

Tooj said...

You know.....anymore, the first thing that comes to my mind is HOW CAN I PROVE my innocence? I'd have found rubber gloves and removed the bag, and called in cops for fingerprint lifting. Seriously. I know that sounds extreme, but it's what I would have done. :) Just because some burn you, you can't stop playing with fire. Enjoy those around you! Happy Thursday.

 

Template by BloggerCandy.com | Header Image by Freepik