Monday, September 28, 2009

Dream a little dream

As I drove to the store, Baby Boo was in her carseat and all of a sudden she says, "Look Momo! Our mountain! I go with you. You hold my hands, k? We climb it together and then we say, (cupping her hands over her mouth) "hello down there!"

I echoed her. "Hellooooo down there!"

Dreaming with Baby Boo means sometimes imaginary dreams that may never come true but yet, mean a lot to her. It never fails when we pass the mountains surrounding us (we live in a cove), she points to "our mountain" and reminds me that one day, we will climb it together.



Dreams are wishes on steroids. When you wish for something, it may or not happen, but when you dream of something, in all of your power, you do what you can to make it happen. Unfortunately, though, dreams can hit a roadblock. It may not be the right time or maybe not even meant to happen.

When I was still married, I dreamed of having another baby. I wanted that more than anything. Yet, infertility hit so we went with adoption. We chose to adopt a baby boy. At 18 days old, he was placed in our home after meeting the birthmom. It was to be an open adoption but more and more, the adoption turned into something that resembled a nightmare. She continually called and refered to him as her son and called him by the name that she had chosen for him. She talked of getting married and of having "her son" back. The adoption never finalized. Saying goodbye was hard.

Next, I received a call that a relative was incarcerated and had given birth to a baby girl while in prison. We chose to have her placed with us. I told myself that she wasn't mine...yet, I loved her because she didn't have a mommy at the time, to bond with. I placed the cradle in our room and relished the memories of singing her to sleep every night. It was our time together, hers and mine. Drinking in the smell of baby and knowing that somehow, one day, I'd have to say goodbye. The day came sooner than anticipated when the county agency decided to place all 5 kids in the same home so that the birthmom could eventually visit them if and when she was released. They placed them in separate non-related foster homes and once more, I had to say goodbye. I learned that sometimes loving and letting go didn't always feel good.

Flash forward to today, I now know that Baby Boo isn't my baby girl, but I will be her stepmommy and trust me, I will do all that I can to let her know that she is loved by me. I will never take her mom's place but I am blessed that her mom recognizes that when she is with us, she is loved, safe and happy.

Last night, as I sang to her as she was falling asleep, I sang, "When you wish upon a star..." and I realized, my dream really did come true.

14 comments:

sherry ♥ lee said...

So beautiful Simone. Baby Boo is blessed. And so are you.

Ina in Alaska said...

What a sweet and heartbreaking post, Simone -- go climb that mountain!!! xoxo

Danica said...

Ah so beautiful. You and Baby Boo were meant to find each other. That's how I feel with LW and his girls. There is a reason we are all together.

Tooj said...

What a sweet story. :) And the ending is good for YOU. It also sounds like you were in the right place at the right time...several times. THAT is a blessing to many people. Happy Hump Day.

Nezzy said...

How very sweet and touching. Baby Boo is blessed to have your and I fully believe someday your both will climb that mountain.

Have a beautiful day dreamin' your dreams!!!

Heart2Heart said...

Simone,

Even though each of those children were never yours, they were yours for a season. You are embedded in their lives permanently and God will never forget what love you unconditionally offered them when you had them.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

blueviolet said...

I really like that you and Baby Boo will climb that mountain together one day.

Veronica Lee said...

Beautiful,Simone!!

I believe you will climb that mountain someday.

Anita said...

The more I read of your blog, the more I sense that you are a person that has lot of love to give. I hope family and friends will always return it back to you!

Lin said...

Oh, wow, you've had some major heart break there, Simone. I'm with Ina--you go climb that mountain!

Elle Bee said...

Oh Simone, you make me teary-eyed. You have so much love to give. You are a born mother--a kind and gentle spirit. You climb that mountain!
Elle

ethelmaepotter! said...

Oh, darlin', that mountain is waiting for you and Baby Boo - and you're halfway up it already!

♥georgie♥ said...

wow I have tears in my eyes such a beautiful and heartfelt post...

Lion-ess said...

saying goodbye is so heartbreaking...
U have a lot love to give Simone... Baby Boo sounds so adorable.

 

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