Thursday, November 12, 2009

Things I've Learned Thursday

My cup of inspiration runneth goes..

1) In the face of unemployment, I've come up with a few new inventions that may bring in a little extra cash....
A) A food product called, Psych! You put the caramel chocolate chip cookie in your mouth, relish the flavor for 10 seconds and then it melts away without any calories or memories of having had it. It's instant gratification without a trace.

B) Once a month tampons. You wear one tampon for the duration of your period. When the period is complete, the voice activation in the tampon turns on and says, "Period complete, please remove and have a wonderful day!"

C) A dog toy called Tear it up, Again and Again...This toy is designed for dogs to tear it up and then shove the stuffing back in for them to tear it up all over again.

D) Personalized tampons with fortunes...sorta like fortune cookies. Sayings like, "You will find joy in your circumstances today."

2)There's something about a nut roaster that makes me want to laugh.

3) My dogs play on my sympathy and I give in to them every single time. All they have to do is give me that look and I'm up, getting treats for them.

4) Kids love talking about boogers, farts and all things gross. Baby Boo thought it was the most funniest thing in the world to announce to me that she was picking her nose and getting a booger. Why is that???

5) I'm so very excited about the Frog Prince movie. It's about time that there is an African American princess story too. Thank you Disney!!

6) Pimping and prostitution should never be done in a shopping center called Point Happy AND under the guise of it being massage therapy. (This really happened, just down the street from where I live.) Can you imagine? "We have a bonus today, back rub and then front extra charge!"

7) Boo is waiting to see if he gets picked for jury duty. I told him to go in and ask, "Where's the jewelry? I thought this was going to be jewelry duty? It IS my duty to get some jewelry!" :)

8) When looking for a job out of state, don't tell them you live in California. For some reason, there's a bit of California discrimination going on. Everyone realizes that folks are moving out of California because there are no jobs! PS--Can I use one of your addresses instead? :)

9) Speaking of living in California, I have this fear that I will either be in the shower or sitting on the toilet when the big earthquake hits. I wonder what type of phobia that is?

10) I am so thankful for my sense of humor. It has carried me through many tough moments in my life.

What have you learned?



Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I have a fear that the one day I sleep naked my house will catch on fire and i won't have time to get my clothes on!

lagirl said...

This post makes me think of my Grandmother who always slept in her full length slip, with her house dress thrown over the edge of the bed. In case of a fire she didn't want to be caught in her nightgown!...Me?
I'm on a diet so I've learned that I really won't die if I don't have a cookie or a piece of candy every day, but I will be grumpy and feel deprived.

blueviolet said...

I'm thankful for your sense of humor too!

I must say that a once a month tampon would be brilliant!

I can't believe the pimping and prostitution story!

Nezzy said...

I have learned that I am so thankful for your sense of humor also. Lots to do about tampons in the post...problems....need chocolate?

I always get questions in Sunday School and Kids church when I teach a lesson on the Rapture. They will ask what if I'm on the pot, bathtub or just naked. As adults we just keep something close by to grab just in case of a weather disaster so that tornado won't blow us up in the treetops naked!!!

Have a great day!!!

Elle Bee said...

AHhahah!!! You are so funny!!! The once a month tampon is a sure bet. I'd stock up on those for life.

My mom WAS on the toilet for one of the big earthquakes--it's something we still laugh about.

Ina in Alaska said...

In our line of work (law) a sad fact is those "massage" storefronts are USUALLY (not always) fronts for prostitution. But thankfully the undercover cops are onto them and I like getting them rousted out of business. Get rid of them all!!

I too am a complete sucker for my dogs. I need to realize they got rescued long ago, they are no longer unhappy sufferers and just enjoy living large now!! They get soooo much attention it is crazy!

Danica said...

I've learned that you crack me up!!

Today I learned that you had to go 10 yards to get a first down. HA HA

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I must be young at heart, cuz I still enjoy talking about boogers, farts and all things gross. :)

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

This is funny. I love the dog toy idea. I bought my dog a toy yesterday and that's all he does with them. He gets so, so excited then takes it, runs outside and mutilates it. Once he has the squeaky thing out, he's done with it. Your idea is brilliant!

So is jewelry duty!

Frau said...

I like #1 anything thats yummy and no calories is good to me!Your humor will carry you through anything.

Menopausal New Mom said...

Very entertaining Simone! Made me laugh out loud, especially #9.

I guess my new fear is that I'll look like hell and a news reporter will knock at the door and ask for an on-camera interview Lol!

Anita said...

Simone, how do you come up with this stuff! lol

Veronica Lee said...

#9 is my favourite. I learned the idea "Things I've learned Thursday" from you, Simone!

You're my inspiration.

Julie said...

Ahahahahaha....great post!

Anonymous said...

I learned that the death of a beloved pet for some people is as brutal to recover from as the death of a "human".

I've learned that only those who truly respect the emotions of their pet/human bond understand.

I've had more loving support in cyberspace than would EVER be mentioned on 20/20 or NIGHTLINE when they're talking about the TERROR of the internet.

Buckeroomama said...

I am thankful for your sense of humor!! I love that you came up with the "fortune tampon" --LOL!

Annie said...

I love the food "psych!" and the fortune cookie tampon! LOL those are so funny! At least with the fortune having your period wouldn't be so dreary LOL

My name is PJ. said...

#1 made me laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh!


I've learned that you become ever funnier and I'd love to have you at a dinner party or a girls' night out!

The Peach Tart said...

You've got some good ones.

sherry ♥ lee said...

I always love what you've learned on Thursdays! I love your inventions and I'm laughing at Baby Boo and her "booger" -- why this is funny to children is a mystery but it tickles their funny bones something fierce! Then again, there's us, at our ages, laughing at "nut roaster" -- why? Cuz it tickles our funny bones!! :)

I think your sense of humour rocks!! What did I learn on Thursday? That while I thought I had anger as something in my "past", I experienced it last night and realized that anger is a good emotion...necessary to be expressed (properly) so that the air can be cleared and positive thoughts and emotions brought to the forefront again.

abby jenkins said...

Faith, Love and Laughter.
Can pull you through anything!

ethelmaepotter! said...

Love Psych! I'd buy those things in bulk! And, though I no longer have a use for tampons, I love the idea of the once-a-month ones.
Nut roaster - oh yeah.
I've learned that you should always have extra Christmas tree lights on hand, because, sure enough, that strand right there in the middle is gonna go out as soon as you get the whole thing decorated.


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