Thursday, January 28, 2010

Words Fail

I had the pleasure of interviewing Christian recording artist, Crystal Lewis a few years ago. We talked about one of the many albums she has recorded. One of the songs spoke of a family that had lost someone so very close to them. She said one profound statement, "Words fail". In fact, in one of her songs, she talks about how when you're at loss for the words to say, just sing.

I'm usually not at loss for words...at least, not often. But, today, I was. I had spent my Christmas with an outstanding couple. They had celebrated their 44 years of marriage together. They truly seemed like lovebirds. She completed him and he completed her. There was joy and laughter while in their presence. I thought to myself, "If only Boo and I make it to 44 years and still have such a love and trust and friendship...."

Today, she told me that after 44 years, she was divorcing him. He had only been dishonest one time, 20 years ago, in their marriage and she let him know then that the next time he was dishonest, she was divorcing him. For years, he has been gambling away their money. In fact, what she does know is that $100,000.00 has been accounted for as gone. She suspects that it may be even worse than what she realizes. She has trusted him with every fiber of her being. She dreamed dreams of being with him as they grew old together. She looked forward to being able to use their savings on enjoying one another until it was time to say goodbye.

She shared with me that she has no place to go. He has complete control of whatever may be left of their savings. He has the car. He pays the bills and he has the retirement and medical insurance. She has nothing. She doesn't even know if she will have a place to live in February.

What could I say? Words failed. But so did singing. There was nothing I could say to bring comfort to her heart. I still don't know what to say. She is 73 years old and her husband is 78. I did tell her that when I found out that my ex had cheated on me when we were married, I knew that I had to make the move to take care of me and that, I did. It was frightening. I cried so many tears, but I made it through.

I just hope that she can as well.

22 comments:

Eternally Distracted said...

Oh, that is so sad... i cannot imagine the strength it must take to get to that age and decide to start over. What a brave woman.

Frau said...

How horrible I'm happy she has you to lean on. I hope she has children or access to a lawyer that can direct her to something she surly is entitled to. Have a wonderful weekend.

My name is PJ. said...

Incredibly sad, Simone.

When women of that generation find themselves divorced or widowed, it can be overwhelming because they're suddenly responsible for everything. Many of these women remain married because the thought of the alternative is too overwhelming.

My mom was in a very long marriage to her second husband, Satan, and was abused for many years. She took it and never uttered a word to anyone until I discovered it was happening and we moved her in with us...at the age of 75.

I hope your friend has family who can help her make the transition and give her a home, at least temporarily.

I'm glad you're her friend.

Ina in Alaska said...

Simone please encourage your friend to see an attorney as quickly as she can. There are pro bono attorneys in every state. She has rights and she should not waste another minute while this man destroys what is her rightful share!!!

As for the dark, we are gaining more sunlight every day! But it is dark until about 9 am now. The sun goes down around 5:30 pm -- in the summer we will have nearly 24 hours of daylight!! xoxo Have a good weekend!!!

Mari said...

Oh, I can't even imagine what this would be like. Words do fail. I know you'll be supportive of her though.

SuziCate said...

That is so sad. Esp. at that age to have to start on your own. I hope all works out well for your friend.

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh Sweetie...
I have a few words for your precious friend. "GET A GOOD LAWYER." She will then be taken care of for the rest of her life. He owes her alimony and he owes her half of what he spent that belonged to her too. She can find her a little place of her own, where she does have a voice. It sounds as though the respect was not there. Somtimes love is not enough. He needs to get some professional help.

It will be hard but she will be happy. I believe your friend will find the strength that she needs. God will be carrying her most of the way. I will be saying some prayers for her too each night. Please send me her first name.

Country hugs sweetie...Sherry

♥Georgie♥ said...

That is so heart breaking...I am speechless...I wish I could help her...

wanted to let you know you were one of the seehere storybook winners

Deidra said...

You are one strong woman, my friend. I admire that in you!

Your brilliant tips are the highlight of my blog today! Thanks so much for sharing...

Deborah Ann said...

How sad! The poor woman! To have lived practically her whole life with this man, only to have been treated as nothing. You're so right, there are no words...

Nezzy said...

How sad. Starting over would be so difficult at best but my mind can't even imagine starting over at that age. She is one brave woman, and yes she does have rights, too.

You have a good weekend my friend!!!

Seizing My Day said...

I hope that she finds comfort in your friendship. ;) All we can do is Give love when words fail! Perhaps if she is not 'web' savvy - you can look up pro-bono lawyers for her?! (I am sure you thought of that!) ;)
Praying for your friend!
Jenn~

Suz said...

I agree with several of the comments - get a lawyer Quickly!!

Gambling can be an addiction that is hard to overcome. But like being married to an alcoholic, you need to take care of yourself.

I wonder if there are support groups for spouses of gamblers?

You are such a caring person. I am inspired by you.

lagirl/Sweet Tea said...

Awful.
There are so many ways for a person to be betrayed...I hope she has some family that will be there for her...You listened; you're a good friend and she needs that. Especially now.

SMJ said...

Words do fail, don't they? So heartbreaking. I wonder does he realize the damage done? That is a huge amount of money and yet it pales in comparison to the emotional damage to her heart and psyche. I definitely believe in the saying that if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it - but darn it!

Joanna Jenkins said...

How heart-breaking. But I'm with Country Wings in Phoenix. Whatever is left is half hers and sadly, it will take an attorney to get.

There are no words but I'm sure it's comforting to know she has you on her side.

xo

Rona's Home Page said...

Wow! You hit the nail on the head. I've got nothing.

Christella said...

Please let us know what happens to your friend. I hope that she does what's best. Words may fail because we cannot tell others what to do.

Buckeroomama said...

I hope your friend will find the strength to weather this. I'm glad that you are her friend and this, somehow, will be a comfort to her.

ethelmaepotter! said...

Words may have failed you at the time, but your post sings with empathy and passion, sadness and heartbreak for your friend.
It is important for us all to remember that not only has this poor woman lost all her material and financial assets, but she's also lost the love of her life - the man she clung to all these years has betrayed her and a piece of her has died.
Simone, I do so hope your friend can find a good attorney who can help help her reclaim her rights. I hope she can reconcile herself to the fact that she had a good man, a good love, but it has ended. And I hope she can make a new life and be happy again.

tattytiara said...

What a horrible shock. I very sincerely hope things work out well for her.

blueviolet said...

Wow, this is pretty timely considering my situation. I can't imagine how she must feel at that age though. I trust it will all work out for her.

 

Template by BloggerCandy.com | Header Image by Freepik