Wednesday, February 24, 2010

My Answers to Some Great Questions

FYI - A year ago, I did a few posts on being Black and here they are in case you want to take a peek.

http://chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com/2009/01/on-being-black.html

http://chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com/2009/01/being-black-part-ii.html

http://chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com/2009/01/next-episode-of-being-black.html

http://chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com/2009/01/here-i-am-again-on-being-black.html

I love being open and honest. It's what I do best! :)

Thanks for all of your wonderful questions....guaranteed, I'll give you a straightforward answer. Also, the door is always open if you ever have any more questions you'd like to ask.

You said "anything" - How/Where did you meet Boo?

****Boo and I met on an online dating site, perfectmatch.com. I had decided that one more and then I was done kissing frogs and if I didn't meet my prince, then, oh well...and viola', sight unseen, we began talking via email. I loved the way he remembered everything about me...the little things I liked and what made me smile. When I finally saw a picture of him, I was totally in love with the handsome, sexy man he was/is. He was honest about everything about himself. He told me that he had a baby girl who was 3 1/2 months old. I freaked out for a minute and then, told myself that I would "wait and see" where the relationship went. I believe we fell in love the very first date we were together. With him, I am myself and he loves me just the way I am.

I proceeding with the assumption that you were a single mother for some years. If that's true, then I think the answer to my question might warrant a blog post of its own:

What are some of the best tips/advice/suggestions that you could offer single mothers today base on your experience?

***I was married for 21 years and then, infidelity on his part and divorce. I've been a single mom for 4 years. I don't feel "experienced" but basically feeling my way through this maze of confusion at times. The advice I can give to all single moms is no matter what, be neutral. Never talk negative about your ex because in return, the kids feel pulled by your opinion.

Also, if you are a single dad, hold on to your desire to be a dad. Do not relinquish your parental rights but stay completely in your child's life.

Make new memories. The old ones...like Christmas traditions and all of that, will be hard until you discover new ones and embrace them as yours.

Bagman and Butler said...
Amazing coincidence that you are offering answers to questions about what it's like being black because last night I dreamed I was black...I was getting ready for work, looked in the mirror and several thoughts went through my dreaming brain. First was that I really liked my new look, far more handsome and younger looknig. The second was that lots of people were going to be surprised when they saw me. But mostly it was kind of exciting. A little scary. I realized that in many ways the world was going to be new and different when I stepped outside. It was a great dream and I was very disappointed to wake up from it.

***Bagman and Butler, that was quite a dream! Waking up Black has many opportunities that didn't exist years ago. Some can still be tough. Black males get harassed by police officers way more than any other nationality. There are assumptions made towards Black men and their outward appearance and even the way they walk and talk. But, Black men are strong, educated, sensitive, caring and protective of their families. They are lovers and friends. Since President Obama's election, I feel that respect for Black men has broadened. Maybe, Bagman, you can live life Black for a day by getting a full makeover and see just what it is like to walk in a Black man's shoes?

Nezzy said...
Oh you are one brave woman. My question is, What is the most difficult thing you face being a woman of color.

***In the community that I live, there are very few Black women living here. Honestly, there are times that I feel like I don't fit in but not because I'm Black but because I don't concern myself with shallow things such as plastic surgeries, tanning salons, Botox and lip injections. I am me! I have had many women tell me that they have never been around Black women before so they had "no idea" of "how nice we are". Once more, it's the stereotypes that people tend to place on us. One of my co-workers from a previous job introduced me to her family and gushed over me like she was trying to sell them into being accepting of me because the color of my skin. I hate condescending tones and when people treat me with kid gloves because they are not sure how to talk to me. (I address more about this in the previous posts On Being Black - see links above.)

Veronica Lee said...
Yeap, tell us more about Boo!

***Boo is very old school in some of his thoughts. He doesn't quite get blogging and really is less than thrilled about him being a topic of a blog post. I seldom blog about him for an overall respect of his privacy. If I had my way, I'd have pictures plastered all over my blog of my juicy, sexy man but unfortunately, that won't happen. But, I will say that he has lived some wonderful adventures in his lifetime. He grew up the oldest of four boys. I love hearing about his childhood. I love hearing about his mom and dad - both of them I never had the opportunity to meet face to face because they had passed away before we met. He has learned much about having a sense of humor since we've been together. I believe that I definitely keep him on his toes when it comes to bringing laughter into the house, and deep down inside, I know he loves it.

Danica said...
If you could travel anywhere and money was no problem, where would you travel to?

***I would love to take an African safari, an Alaskan cruise and travel the Orient. I want to visit Malaysia, Korea, China, Japan.

Heart2Heart said...
After everything you've been through in your life, what is the greatest life lesson you learned?

***Always believe that the best is yet to come! Never think that "this" is all there is to your life. I never thought I'd be where I am today. But, I'm loving that I'm experiencing things in my life that more than likely, I wouldn't have experienced even 10 years ago. During the divorce process, I walked around in sort of a daze. I questioned why I had spent 21 years loving a man who didn't respect the marriage vows we took together. Now I know, the best was yet to come.

What are your three favorite smells and why?

***I love this question! I love the smell of freesias. Those are my favorite flowers of all. I also love the smell of the mountains...the fragrance is indescribable. And my third favorite smell is a toss up between chocolate chip cookies baking, the sea air and fresh out of the oven pizza.

Suz said...
I'll ask the question that I feel many are wanting to ask.. what's happening with the wedding plans that went on hold a few months ago?

***We will be getting married this year. We haven't set a date because although the wedding will be very small with only family in attendance, we would like Boo's family in Germany to attend as well. We aren't quite sure what month they will travel here. Tentatively, we'd discussed 10/10/10 as the date but we're still quite sure.

Anita said...
How much do you weigh?

***I seriously have no idea! :) I don't believe in stepping on scales and according to my Wii Fit, she groans when I step on so I don't take that as a positive sign.

Seriously, where is the post on being black?

***See the links posted above.

I admire the fact that you are very open with subjects on race and religion. I don't know if I've read one on politics.

***I don't touch the topic of politics. It's just one area that is taboo for me. I really don't believe that politics should be something to debate so mainly just keep my thoughts private.
Those are the three subjects that have long had a reputation of NOT being discussed if you want to keep your friends.

A question...hmmm...What's one or two of your favorite books, and are you reading anything now? If so, what are you reading?

***I have read so many books. I am an avid reader and have been since I was three and learned to read by myself. To choose a favorite is going to be tough. I did like an allegorical book called Hinds Feet On High Places by Hannah Hunard. It paints a beautiful view of Biblical principles. I still read kids books too. I like Dr. Seuss, Beverly Cleary and Shel Silverstein.

Right now, I'm reading three books at the same time. (That's nothing unusual for me.) I'm reading The Faith Club. It's a book about three women, Ranya Idliby is a Palestinian Muslim; Suzanne Oliver, an ex--Catholic now in the Episcopal Church; and Priscilla Warner, Jewish. They come together and seek understanding of each other's beliefs and cultures.

I'm also reading Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout. I've just started reading it but so far, it's heart-wrenching with grief and shock and compassion all mixed together. I will review this one in a giveaway in the near future.

I'm also reading Ivy and Bean by Annie Barrows. It's a children's book and since I'm a children's book writer, I love getting the feel for other writers and their ways of expression. It's a cute story of two girls who are totally opposites yet, they have such an adorable friendship.

What has been the hardest part of being a sort of step mom to Baby Boo?

***I adore my relationship with Baby Boo. I tremendously respect that she has a mom and I don't try to be "the mom". But, when she's with us, I am the mom here...the Momo. I feel that my relationship with her mom is good. We try to be on the same page when it comes to her being with us and then, with her. Yet, there are times when I get angry when she calls and says, "What did she eat at YOUR house because she's throwing up?" Mind you, it's 24 hours later that she left our house and yet, we are being "accused" of feeding her something??? I hate being misunderstood and especially when she's with us, she eats completely healthy, no candy or junk at all. Potty training has been the biggest challenge as well as her trying to play Boo and I against one another. She has learned the art of asking him for something after I've told her no. I realize that the foundation that we set here is one that will last so I just dig my heels in and deal with it.

Elle Bee said...
What is your favorite thing to eat for dinner? :o) (I always have to talk about food).

***I love to cook so eating is a great topic to discuss! My most favorite meal is crab legs, mashed potatoes and asparagus. It's not one that I cook often but it is my ultimate favorite. My next favorite would be a seafood fettuccine, a delicious salad and sour dough rolls.


Mandy's Life After 30 said...
What is the best trip you've ever been on and why?

***The best trip I've been on were the trips that I took with my family, growing up. For years, our Christmas holidays were spent in Big Bear in a cabin. It became a tradition to spend our Christmas in a beautiful mountain setting where we turned off the tv and listened to music and played board games and worked puzzles together and played outdoors. I still remember my dad being so relaxed and his laughter as he sat and played the board games with us.

Also, on a different note - I wanted to tell you that I have an idea to write a story and I want to include a black female character but I'm a little scared, nervous since I'm not a black woman. Do you have any advice for me in writing for a culture/different race?

***Mandy, definitely ask me anything you would like to know in building the character for your book. I would be honored to help you in any way I can.

One of the pet peeves I have of non-African American writers writing about African American characters is not giving the proper voice. I dislike when the Black character's speech is immersed in slang. Not all Black people talk using slang. There are commonalities though in how we talk. For instance, some Black moms will call their kids, Baby, even when they are grown. I call both of my girls that...like if they call, my greeting is usually, "Hi Baby!" It's the norm.

Could I write you on occasion to get your honest input? (after I do some homework/research that is).

Multiple personalities.. said...
Wow! Carte blanche on asking questions? Hmmm....ok, here's one:

If you could have anyone, either alive or passed on, over for coffee and good conversation, who would it be?

***My dad's mom, my grandmother. She died many years ago, when my dad was a boy, on Christmas day. She died in childbirth and my dad never spoke much about her from the grief that her death brought him. When I look at her pictures, I want to know about her. Am I like her? Does she have the same twinkle in her eye like my dad does? Does she have a sense of humor? I would loved to hear all about my dad through her eyes.

Buckeroomama said...
I've read your posts and I love your strength, your courage, your honesty, and your generous spirit. What or who has been the biggest influence in your life and what has made you "stay the course" when times are hard?

***Without God, I truly would be dead. He is my strength through some pretty tough times. I stay on course because of Him.

My daughters have been my biggest influences. They are reminders to be myself, be real and honest. They encourage me to reach farther and with joy.

If you have any more questions, please ask. I will not be doing a Things I've Learned Thursday post today so I'd love to answer any questions that are running through your heads.

20 comments:

Queen "B" said...

Aloha,
so glad I dropped in to say hello, I always enjoy my visit. Really great post, I love honesty, it is the safet pace to be for me,
sending you Hugs from Hawaii
Brandi

Nezzy said...

This is why we love you Simone, your so very open and honest! I loved reading all your answers. Your readers asked some very good questions!

God bless you day, sweetie!!!

Heart2Heart said...

Simone,

I think because of this I love and respect you even more. Doing posts like this for bloggers allows us to view the real person behind the posts and see in some aspects, you're just like us.

Thank you so much for your candor and honesty in answering these. Aren't they fun? I too, am a survivor of being divorced due to infidelity and find that God blessed me far beyond anything I could have seen coming from that. Namely my loving and wonderful husband Steve, who has so willingly stepped into this marriage knowing the baggage I carried and took on the role of step dad.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Menopausal New Mom said...

Wow, what great questions and such honest answers from you. I can so relate to the not stepping on the scale issue. I stayed off the scales for years but had to get back on for my weigh in with the Lose It Bitches.

Your answer to my question about Baby Boo was awesome, she is just the luckiest little girl in the world to have you in her life.

Thanks for doing this post for us. I feel I know you much better!

Mari said...

Simone - thanks so much for the honest answers to all those questions. I really appreciate your willingness to share and I think that the answers you've given on being black are very helpful. I'm going to go back and read your other posts on the subject!

Anita said...

Thanks Simone!
As a fellow black person, I will come back later to read your posts on being black. :)
I'm a little tired right now and need to go to bed.
I read a lot too, and have to agree with you about the "voice" of black characters in books. I know stereotypes have a basis, but when it is not balanced or out-weighed with characters that are NOT sterotypical, I find it annoying.
I REALLY was kidding about weight. I NEVER ask that question. :)

Mari said...

I'm back! I had things to do before I could read all those posts. I really enjoyed them and again, I have to say again that I appreciate you opening yourself up to these questions. I grew up in a town that had very few black people. There was only one black guy in my high school. The town I live in now is much more mixed and I now work and go to church with several black people. Talking and getting to know each other is the only way we find out we are really all alike.
Of course, for those who are Christians - we're all adopted into the same multi-cultural family!

Buckeroomama said...

Thank you, Simone, for sharing of yourself through the answers to all of these questions. :)

Have a wonderful weekend.

Veronica Lee said...

We've been pallies for more than a year and yet there's so much to learn about you. Love your openness and honesty, Simone! Every visit to your blog is a treat.

My name is PJ. said...

Simone, this was wonderful to read. I feel like I know you a bit better.

Thanks for taking the time to answer the questions.

Deidra said...

I really enjoyed this! Thanks so much for posting the links to the other Being Black posts. I read each one, nodding my head and saying "amen" out loud in many places. Especially where you talked about learning how to take care of Black children's hair when you bring them into your home. That is one of my a-number-one pet peeves. I'm not concerned about who adopts whom, but the hair has got to be cared for!

Thanks for being so open, and so very real!

♥Georgie♥ said...

I always so enjoy these types of posts you get so much insight into a person...well i already knew how FAB you are you just sealed it in stone with these q&a's

Deborah Ann said...

What a beautiful story! Thank you for being so honest and transparent. I really appreciated getting to know more about you!

Sherry said...

Excellent questions and amazing answers Simone. You are who you are and it comes through so clearly! Beautiful woman that you are! xo

ethelmaepotter! said...

What a wonderful way to allow us a closer look into your world! And I so agree with you about politics - keep quiet and keep your friends!

Christella said...

Very thought-provoking questions and open, honest answers. What an interesting concept for a blog. I enjoyed it.

Farila said...

I cannot believe I did not ask you a question... women are supposed to be curious.
It is really amazing the effort you have put here to answer the questions Simone.. Whew!
It was nice knowing you and also Boo and baby Boo through this post of yours. Now your blogs of them will have a new meaning for me.

Helene said...

I love this post!!!! You are so honest and open about everything, which is so refreshing!!

Boo and Baby Boo are very blessed to have you in their lives!

PS - I could live off of crab legs!!!

Danica said...

Ah I'd love to travel to all of those places as well!!!

You are more inspirational that you know. I love reading your blog!

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Thanks Simone! Great questions and even better answers were provided. I really appreciate your sincerity and willingness to help. You rock.

 

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