Monday, June 14, 2010

Peeking Out

I was drenched in sweat and trying hard to catch my breath. It was so hot! Why is it so hot? Where's the light? Then, I realized, my head was under the covers of my bed. All I needed to do was remove the covers and find cool air.

When it's cold, I will usually find myself buried underneath the covers. But, you would think that I'd have enough sense to stay out of covers when it's hot. Apparently, I don't (have enough sense that is.)

That's how life can be sometimes. You know what's best for you, but you head in a direction that either feels safe or comfortable. The only thing is, is it?

I stayed in a marriage because I thought I was safe and comfortable and loved. I had no idea that my world would come crumbling down. I didn't even realize that my head was buried under the cover and I needed to come up for air, until IT happened. The reality hit when I was doubled over, crying. There was no more he and I. All along, it was a facade.

This 4 year journey has taken me on paths that I never thought I'd see. I have been exhilarated by my own courage and strength when I thought I was completely tapped out. I have experienced a plethora of emotions. The grief, the anger, the sadness, nostalgia, disbelief, hatred, forgiveness,laughter (because even in the midst of tears, there is laughter.)

I am a survivor!

My daughters, Single Boo and Married Boo will be guest posting for me this week. What would you like for them to post about? Are there any questions you'd like to ask them? It an be related to any topics whatsoever, i.e., kids of divorced parents, interracial marriage, growing up single and Black, being homeschooled, writing, my parenting skills (they will totally be honest), etc.


Frau said...

You are a survivor! Enjoy your time away...looking forward to your lil Boos posts.

Buckeroomama said...

Oh, I would love to hear about their memories of being homeschooled, what they liked, what they wished was different... :)

My name is PJ. said...

You are a thriver! :)

I would like to hear about the most important lessons they've learned from you; silly family memories; what they plan to do differently when they raise their own children.

blueviolet said...

I love how far you've come on your journey, and I know the rest of life will be even more wondrous for you.

Still thinking of making that move?

Mari said...

How exciting! I'm looking forward to whatever they write about!

Redbonegirl97 said...

I am looking forward to hearing them too.

Peace, Love and Chocolate

Sweet Tea said...

Since I'm a virgin homeschooler I would love to hear what they see as the "positive" and the "negative" side of being Homeschooled. Any advice they would offer me?

Also, their experience as a bi-racial couple. I know several couples but not well enough to ask questions. How did their family react to their decision? How do most people react? Do they have fears? Are they embraced by both the black community and the white or do they not feel they "fit" either place. Interesting.

Multiple personalities.. said...

You are such an inspiration in so many ways. And I'm sure your daughters are so very proud to call you mom. I personally would LOVE to have them post about being homeschooled, as I am homeschooling my little one. I can't wait to read their post!! :-D

Pocketful of Bliss

roy/elisabeth dean said...

I would love to hear how they are coping with divorced parents. I am divorced, so my 2 older girls have a dad, mom, stepdad and stepmom. I thought we always did a good job "sharing", but have been blown away at the pettiness and jealousy that has reared it's ugly head when Weddings or Grandchildren have come into the picture!
*on a side-note, I'm Cherokee Indian, very dark-skinned with dark hair. I was often asked if I was bi-racial. I would reply "yes, my mom is Cherokee and my dad is Irish". I was always treated beautifully by blacks and whites alike.
Have a wonderful week off~ you'll be missed, but can't wait to hear from your beautiful girls!

Just Breathe said...

I'm so happy you got out from under the covers. I've been there, divorce is ugly and said but the growth can be enormous.

Anonymous said...

Do you feel that you did a good job with homeschooling? Did they end up in college and in successful careers?

Danica said...

You are a survivor and you are amazing!!!!!

Midday Escapades said...

Yes, you are a survivor! A really strong and beautiful survivor!

Petula said...

I totally understand... It'll just be nice to hear from them. I don't have any ideas as of right now.

Joanna Jenkins said...

You are most definitely a survivor! Good for you CCD!

Hope you are taking a break to somewhere cool and relaxing.

My questions for your girls.... What's the best advice you/Mom ever gave them?

I'll be reading.
xo jj

Irritatingly Optimistic said...

I've always believed there is no such thing as a bad time, just difficult ones. There is always a lesson to learn and take with you. Sometimes you don't know what it was until years later.

I'd like them to tell us some of their childhood memories with you.

Enjoy your break!

Donna B said...

Did I miss something? Where are you going? Vacation? Visiting a friend? I'm with PJ...I'd like to hear favorite family memories and how they plan on raising their own kids.

I raised my girls on my own also. I was married ten years, but I knew it was a mistake before our first year anniversary, but by then, I was pregnant.

I did not want to fail at a marriage. I did not want to deprive my girls of a "normal" family... but we do what we have to do, and we survived. I am so proud of them, as I have no doubt you are of your children.

I learned a new word from you too...plethora. Thank you.

Life with Kaishon said...

I love what you have overcome! So happy for you!

I would like to know how the girls felt in school. Were there other kids the same color? Kaishon does not have a lot of kids that are african american in his school and I think that is hard for him.

Oh, scratch that since you homeschooled. Why did you pick homeschooling?

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I remember going through my divorce and how difficult that was. I also remember once I got over the emotinal baggage how utterly relieved and free I felt.

I would love your daughters to discuss how they felt about being homeschooled.

Erin said...

I would love to hear from Married Boo, the vegetarian guru, esp. since I've recently gone vegetarian. I'm astounded about the jello thing. EWWWWW!

I would be interested to hear their takes on divorce. It's so different for all of us and I always enjoy hearing other kids' perspectives (though they're not kids anymore, but you know what i mean)...

Anita said...

I haven't read your post ladies, yet, so I hope I'm not asking a question you've discussed in your posts on the divorce.

I have three young daughters who are competing with one another, the youngest two in particular, ages 10 and12.

Did the two of you compete and act jealous and envious of one another when you were young, and now that you are adults, how do you handle it when one of you accomplishes something and the other wants to, but hasn't done so yet?

That was long, wasn't it? :)

Arizona Mamma said...

I love the midst of tears there is laughter...what a wonderful way to be! I think sometimes it's only in laughing that we are able to move on.


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