Sunday, January 23, 2011

Boo-less

If you've been a long time reader of my blog, you'll remember that there was a Boo very present in my life. A part of the Boo family tree was Baby Boo, Boo's baby girl. I didn't tell of his exit out of my life because for a few reasons, but most importantly, it is also his story to tell. But, what seemed like a relationship made in heaven wasn't at all what it seemed.

I had dreamed of spending the rest of my life with Boo. I thought he was the "one" when in fact, it was the other side of truth. What I divulged in many of my posts about Boo and I, was anticipation, excitement and love. What I didn't talk about was anger and addiction.

I was raised with parents that never drank alcohol or even cursed. When I had my first drink of alcohol, I was 21 years old, legal age to drink. I have never made bad choices involving alcohol because thankfully, I knew the power of over indulgence.

Boo and my relationship was based on lies and one of those lies was being sober. What started out as innocent would turn into heated discussions, verbal antagonism and later, promises of never again and apologies. I wanted to believe those promises that this was "the last time" but unfortunately, there were too many "last times" to count.

What I didn't want to accept was my fear and uncertainty, yet it was always looming close by. I began seeking God's direction for my life. Somehow, I knew that letting go was a part of His plan so I braced myself for the pain that would come from it. Baby Boo knew me as her Momo and we were inseparable when she was with us, from the time she was 3 1/2 months old. I didn't know how or when the letting go would happen. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined being in another state, finding myself and peace and contentment and most of all, safety, but then, Oregon happened.

Single Boo and I visited Oregon not because we had family here, although we did have a cousin that I had only seen when she was a little girl. We visited because there was a tugging at both of our hearts for something unusual yet, home. We packed our bags two weeks after visiting and made the gutsy move to this place that we now call home.

The last time I said goodbye to Boo, we both knew it wasn't a "see you soon" goodbye....it was for good. The last time I said goodbye to Baby Boo, I held in my heart that I would one day see her again and if not, she would remember her Momo as being the one who gave her a bowl of bubbles to play with, sang silly songs to her, took her to the library and the park and cooked and made fun together.

There is such a peace that I did the right thing. No one should make a choice to be in a place where they feel unsafe or uncertain or fearful. We all deserve a place that we can find love and contentment.

Not only have I found that here but in 7 days, Married Boo and Son In-Boo are moving here to Oregon, 10 minutes away. It brings tears of joy to know that He has brought me through once again.

22 comments:

Mari said...

I can't imagine how hard it was for you to do what you did in moving, but also the good byes. You did the right thing though, and I'm thrilled your daughter is now going to be near you as well!

Nezzy said...

I can tell by the peace in your heart that you made and excellent move as hard as it was to say goodby to your sweet Baby Boo.

I'm thrilled that your daughter and SIL will again be close by.

God bless and have a glorious day!!! :o)

Formerly known as Frau said...

You made the right choice and I'm so excited that you will soon have all your little Boo's in Oregon! You were wise to listen to the big guy and guide you to true happiness.

PS - How is your job? I hope you like it and it's bringing you happiness. xo

Kathy said...

I can only imagine the strength it took to do "the right thing" with Boo. As a Mom that invests too much in young women "that need to be rescued" I have let go of two. I am so happy your Boo is coming back and hope this story turns out to have a happy ending. God Bless You.

Buckeroomama said...

It takes a lot to do what you did, but if you peace in your heart, then you definitely did the right thing. It seems things are getting even "righter" that your daughters are/will be close by. :)

Reyna said...

What a heartbreaking story.

Of course you did the right thing!

As you probably know, addiction and abuse are progressive diseases.
It would have only escalated.

I'm not sure I understand it all.
So do you get to see the baby again?

I hope so.
She has to know of the love you have for her.
And You know and God knows.
In the end that is all that matters.

If not, it sounds like whomever is coming is a welcome blessing!

Jill said...

Everything happens for a reason... I truly believe that. God has a plan... many blessings to you and your family!!

Jill

Ina in Alaska said...

I have followed you for a long time and I was reading between the lines but may never have said so to you in a comment. You are so strong to quit fighting a losing battle and move to OR for YOU. This has been very good for you. So glad Married Boo and SIL are coming. Home is where Mom is!! Simone, you are a Rock Star, you have a great attitude and it has served you very well. I hope one day to come to your town and meet you in person and give you a hug! xoxo

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

You are a very smart woman! And you deserve the BEST of what is out there. It might not be an easy path, but it's the right one...

Ash said...

good things happen to good people and look here. :)

~ash's mum

Veronica Lee said...

You certainly did the right thing although it may be the toughest decision you ever had to make. Like Ina, I've been your fan for a long time and I sensed that something wasn't quite right with Boo. You are a beautiful woman and you deserve the best in life. Just hang in there and wondrous things will come your way, I promise.

Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.

blueviolet said...

I'm so glad that you'll be surrounded with everyone you love. I am sure that it was a tough road to get to this place, but clearly it was right and everything is falling into place for you so beautifully. :)

natalee said...

I have told you before.. I think you are soo brave my friend.. I am sooo happy that your daughter is.. moving to be close.. YAY!!!!! hugs!!!!

Erin MacPherson said...

Awww... this is so hard! I'll be praying that you find strength in the fact that you did the right thing!

Joanna Jenkins said...

You are so brave Simone-- I know how had this must have been for you but I admire your courage and strength. And married Boo and her husband will be close by soon.... and life moves on and gets better.

I'm really proud of you. Keep the faith and keep moving forward my friend, xo jj

Ⓙ @ $ € € ₦$ ₣®0₥... said...

I am SO PROUD OF YOU! I know what courage it takes to end a relationship AND to move away from everything you know...but to do both at once! You're an inspiration, Simone, for standing up for what's right and good and healthy for ourselves.

Thanks for sharing this personal tale.

Christina said...

All things work themselves out in the manner they are meant to. It would appear that your move to Oregon was the beginning in many great changes to come in life.

Learn, Laugh, Cook said...

Maybe someday Baby Boo will contact you on her terms and thank you for the joy you gave her! In the mean time, just enjoy "Married Boo" being close to you! :) All the best to you that new memories and much happiness is coming your way!

Mandy

Lin said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again....You are a brave woman, Simone. Many women (and men) don't have the strength to walk away like you did. And you did the right thing, so don't ever doubt yourself. The more you share, the more I KNOW you did the right thing.

I know you loved Baby Boo with all of your heart, but you can't take that crap to help her. Maybe with due time, she will come to contact you on her own. I sure hope she does so that she can tell you how much she loves you too.

Hugs.

Sandi said...

(((hugs)))

Sandi said...

(((hugs)))

Anita said...

It is so ironic how Kris is moving to Michigan, and so are her adult children. And you've moved to Oregon with your adult children following you.

I'm glad you are healing. EnJoy YOUR life!

 

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