Tuesday, January 11, 2011

On Being....Divorced

My daughter, Married Boo aka Apricot Tea wrote a very poignant blog post called Dust Covered Memories. If you have the time, please take a read. One of the things that I'd like to do this year is to introduce, uncover, explore issues, people, culture and activities through my blog, even if it's just one day a week. After reading Married Boo's post, I felt compelled to write about being divorced.

The emotions that are evoked as I look at this picture are a plethora of feelings from anger, sadness, disappointment, but most of all hope.

I know....how can I see hope in something that once was and no longer is? Because the hand that's holding the picture screams hope and love and belief that marriage and love still exists. In spite of knowing that unbelievable relationships end in divorce, my daughters still have faith in commitment and marriage. I still do too.

I carry the pain and scars of knowing that their lives were changed as a result of my life being changed. I still bear the anger (and I always will) of knowing that his cheating was the greatest blow to what once was a happy family.

I have to admit that in my pain, I questioned God. I asked, "Why????" I waited and waited for the answer to come and one day, it did in a simple, yet tangible way.

As I sat down with my daughters and a pastor who counseled us, he explained to them, "God gives each of us grace to handle things in our lives. Some people, God gives an extra measure. Your mom is one of them that God has given an extra measure of grace."

At first, my reaction was to tell God, "Can you please take back that extra measure because, personally, I'm angry and hurting and I don't want to feel any kind of grace." Yet, as time went on, I embraced the ease that it took to walk away from the house that I watched our kids grow up in. I embraced the strength it took to hear his voice and not crumble at the sound. I embraced the courage I had in confronting him and his mistress now wife. I embraced the freedom of being my own person and exploring who I am and who I want to be. I captured the memories that mattered the most to me and stored them away, only to be grasped whenever I need them. I no longer wonder about the what ifs but anticipate the present and where my life is now.

The nights that I cried in my pillow are now a distant, way distant memory. I'm thankful that I never acted out of the anger I felt. I probably would be sitting in a prison cell. I'm thankful that my daughters and I have the kind of relationship that transcends the hurt of the divorce and brings healing and laughter to our lives instead.

I am a survivor and hope that in many ways, I can help others who have gone through or going through difficult moments in their relationships. Hold those memories close to your heart and in return, they will be just as precious to you as gold.

18 comments:

Mari said...

I read her post and was touched by it.
I think God understands when we question Him in those tough times. You are strong and you have survived, with God at your side and your loved ones close by.

Brian Miller said...

thank you for this...we got close once...and it still hurts my heart...

Formerly known as Frau said...

Thanks for sharing and you are a strong women to stand tall with the grace and raise above.

Redbonegirl97 said...

Great post. I know that your grace was a great example for your children and they appreciate it.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

Buckeroomama said...

Thank you for sharing this, Simone. I'll go read Married Boo's post now.

blueviolet said...

Although my divorce wasn't born of any wrongdoing, it's still so fresh and painful for me. I hope that I get to where you are someday. I've a long way to go.

Ina in Alaska said...

I think anyone who has the guts and fortitude to walk away from a bad marriage is very brave indeed. You are very brave and wise, Simone. We are all ultimately alone anyway. xoxo

Learn, Laugh, Cook said...

You're such a strong person Simone! I really admire you and your constant faith and positive perspective on life! I do hope you'll find that long-lasting, loving relationship someday....I think you will! :)

Love
Mandy and Vivian

Lin said...

I have no experience with divorce, but I think you have showed strength and grace in many of the things you have shared here. You are one heck of a woman, Simone.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Thank you Simone.
xoxo
jj

Danica said...

You are strong. You are a survivor! Thank you for sharing.

As you know I have been divorced. It's hard no matter the circumstances and I can only hope I have learned something from it and can take what I have learned into my new marriage with LW.

Anita said...

There is a similarity in you and your daughter's writing style and emotions...but that's not surprising because you are a part of each other.

I read a blog post today that reminds me of pain, and how time doesn't always heal it, but how we live through it. This is not the actual subject of the post, but it touches on learning acceptance.

http://quoteflections.blogspot.com/2011/01/power-of-vulnerability.html

dana said...

You reminded me of the years I spent crying. A sure sign that I loved my husband more than I cared for myself, or any feelings of self-respect.

And his voice? I still have dream sequences where I hear it, and still respond to it. It was a voice I rarely heard in a loving way.

THAT is what makes those moments stand out in such a poignant and painful way.

They were so few and far between that I still remember them well.

dana said...

I just went to Boo's site. She writes as eloquently as her mother.

Kathy said...

I read Boo's post first and was touched. Then I read yours and saw where that beautiful voice of hers originated. Thank you for sharing such a painful experience. I was touched.

Mariel said...

praise God for the work He has done to heal you as you walked through that valley. He is faithful to hold us when we cannot hold ourselves up. Thank you for sharing your testimony.

Veronica Lee said...

I admire you for your courage, Simone. Going to Boo's site now.

Megryansmom said...

Great post. Twenty some years later, I'm still saddened by what our divorce did to the kids.

 

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