Thursday, September 1, 2011

Love in Chocolate and Vanilla

I love chocolate ice cream (that’s obvious) but I also love vanilla ice cream BUT only if vanilla is eaten on top of something or mixed with something like nuts, caramel, or apple pie or on a fudge sundae.

Funny how in my love life, I chose vanilla over chocolate. Why?? My vanilla had so many things mixed inside of him that made him scrumptiously wonderful.

In a world where racism is out of control, it’s hard to turn away from the questions I’m often asked. Lately, the question I’ve heard the most as I’ve announced our marriage is, “Is he Black or White? First, notice that the question isn’t, “Is he purple or green?”

“He’s white.” (But that’s the outer layer and not the insides and the mixed in goodness.) Besides…..So???? J knows he’s white and so do I but what matter is how we love and respect one another.

Here are a few misconceptions that are often tossed out in the open or even whispered.

1) Mixed race couples make beautiful babies. More the reason to have a child. WRONG. Babies are beautiful, no matter what color they are…PERIOD.

2) White men are pushovers. Black women are brassy and are controlling so they make the perfect blend. WRONG. Black women have strong opinions about life in general but it really depends on the personality of the Black woman. I value J’s opinion and hearing the wisdom he shares. We communicate together, not holding back our feelings or emotions. We do our best to understand one another AND J is no pushover.

3) Black men are better lovers than white men. Wrong!!! Double Wrong!! Without giving up our bedroom secrets, J is my sexual GPS He knows where, how much, when and how I like it.

4) White men just don't understand what makes a Black woman tick. J does! He knows when to keep the windows up so I
won't mess up my hair before I head into church. He understands the complexities of solving an issue with the threat of a Black woman cooking grits.

5) White people just don't know what it's like to be Black. Maybe not but my Vanilla understands the depth of passion I feel in being who I am. He knows that in a world where color can often be a factor in making choices, he chose me. Better yet...I didn't choose him and he didn't choose me...God chose us!

One thing I know for sure...when chocolate and vanilla melt together, it makes a pretty tasty blend!


Sweet Tea said...

"Preach on, Sistah!"
I love how you're not afraid to jump right in the middle of somewhere most of us would never go. I'm so glad you are happy and filled with mojo! Vanilla? Chocolate? I'm more an orange sherbert kind of girl...This reminds me of when my 5 yr old granddoll whispered to me that there was something "wrong" with the people who had moved into the house across the street from her. She went on to tell me that the Mama and Daddy didn't "match" - the daddy was black and the Mama was "peach"...It was a great teachable moment. BTW, now they're all great neighbor friends. We could learn a lot from our kids.

Dawna said...

I really like this post. Thanks for sharing with such honesty

Connie said...

I'm rather new to reading your blog. I find very enlighting. So glad you found true love. I agree God brought you together and who is anyone to argue with God. Not me....... Enjoy your life together.

Mari said...

Like Sweet Tea, I love how you get out and say what you are thinking. I think if more people would do that we wouldn't have so many crazy perceptions.
I'm glad you have J and I agree that God brought you together!

Anonymous said...

Everyone is an individual, since love and companionship are essential to any marriage or domestic partnership..why throw other factors such as racism into the mix..I think it hard to have any love in our society anymore, no gentleness, cuddliness and kindness, I feel badly for much much younger people and the kids growing up now, not many role models of how to act like a lady and gentlemen, shame shame!Love your blog, you sound so nice and strong and sweet and your hubby too.congrats upon your marriage and happy family..mjs

Formerly known as Frau said...

Love this post Simone....and love that you have J and such love and happiness in your life. Gods plan always works. Have a wonderful long weekend.

Veronica Lee said...

Love your honesty, Simone! So glad you're enjoying life together.

Ina in Alaska said...

Oh my, that is one honest post dear Simone! You are indeed blossoming and happy at last. Amen.

And I am looking forward to seeing the new bundle of fluff "coming soon". Hugs to you! xo

Linda Myers said...

Blessings to both of you, and may you continue to find happiness and contentment with each other.

SouthLakesMom said...

You have such Godly wisdom. What a pair He made with you two. God bless you for speaking the truth in love!

When my daughter was little she came home from school one day and said, "I'm going to grow up to be the first black president?" I asked, "oh really?" She said, "We haven't had one yet." I said, "we haven't had a woman yet either, and there's a whole lot better chance of you fitting that description than the one you're aspiring to."

She's about as white as people come!

But the sweet thing was than in 1st grade, she didn't know any different. She just knew she wanted to be first at something that hadn't been done yet. Ha Ha

You & J rock!

MissKris said...

We have had the most sweet, loving mail lady in our neighborhood who became our first friend in Michigan, the grandboys and me. She is black and beautiful. But color isn't the factor. Her willingness to put up with my grandsons' daily excited babble, her willingness to let them each have mail to bring to me, her willingness to cuddle my littlest grandson every day when he asks if he can hug her...these are the things my grandsons know and love about her. She has to move on to a different neighborhood and they are heartbroken. So we left a gift in the mail box on her last day when we weren't able to be home to wish her well. Inside was tucked a little card the boys had wanted to sign and give her, along with a thistle sock for her to hang outside her window. She loved the gold finches our thistle sock attracted in our yard. We will miss her.

Lin said...

I'm so weary of "black and white". Why does this continue to be a wall between us a humans?

Liz said...

Why, why, why would anyone ask, "Is he black or white?" Why? Does it matter? No, it doesn't.
Does anyone ask if he's fat or skinny? If he's bald or hairy? If he's tall or short? I bet not.

I'm glad you put this post out here. More people need to feel like you do!!

Deborah Ann said...

Ohhh...this is so beautiful and perfect, it should be in a magazine somewhere! I mean it! And best wishes to you and your Vanilla man...

Anita said...

I suppose there are people who are attracted to each other "just because" they are a contrast in skin color; however, if that is the only reason, they soon find out that healthy, long lasting relationships require so much more than fascination of a racial difference.

I know several interracial married couples, and they are no different from same race couples. We all seem to have the same joys, and suffer the same challenges.

So wise of you to help people to see what love is all about; that it can genuinely come in all mixtures of flavors. And, that we should all get beyond stereotyping.

Perhaps you'll post again in the future about some of the specific events that occur in your life based on your chocolate/vanilla marriage - good, bad, or indifferent. It would help with misconceptions that may people have.

Toodles :)

Deidra said...

"...sexual GPS..."

I'm stealing that one! ;)

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Loved this glad that I stopped by tonight...You have a way with words that I love

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

I also agree wtih Sweet Tea and am glad you jump right in. Being the mother of a daughter with a black boyfriend, I sometimes forget that the rest of the world may see them differently than I do. His race rarely enters my mind or theirs, about each other.

I do think that because they live in Lansing, Mi., home of Michigan State University, there is such a diversity anyway. Their apartment building also has couples of India, Pakistan, A gay girl couple on one side of them and and an Asian guy and caucasion girl couple on the other. They are all the colors of jelly beans making their world a sweat place to live.

Buckeroomama said...

I loved this post, Simone!

Annesphamily said...

I remember my son who is 26 year old. He was 5 and we were on the city bus! A black gentleman came on the bus and my son looked up at him and said "You look just like Martin Luther King!" It was a great moment! A friend once told me on a train her small child asked the porter why his face was dirty! She was shocked. The elderly black gentleman said "I keep washing this old face and it just stays that way!" Her kid was satisified with his answer and the man told her there was nothing to be worried about. Kids speak their minds where as adults tend to stumble over situations they are uncomfortable with! I am glad I raised my kids the way we raised them. My sons BFF Jazin in black. If you saw the other 6 siblings you might questions how this black couple got half black kids and half white kids! Well they adopted all of them and they are probably the nicest and kindest folks we know! Plus today we got to see Jazin twice on T.V. Beating the pants off our sons school in football! My son was there last night rooting for Jazin's team. He told me "Mom some of our football players are kinda jerks." LOL! Jazin is the only kid I ever trusted Nick with! I knew his mother would beat him the same way I would beat Nick if they got into trouble! Someday I will get a pic of the two of them and you can see the sweetness in these two boys! I love 'em!


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