Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Saying the S Word

Not THAT word but this word...


When I stop and think about sex, I still blush (a little). When I was growing up, I had no clue about sex. In fact, what I learned, I learned from Judy Blume's Are You There God, It's Me Margaret? I totally could've written that one...Are You There God, It's Me, Simone...Again.

As I got older, I came to the conclusion that "it" must be bad because it wasn't commonly discussed, especially in church, where all the do's and don't were always talked about. To me, it was just plain ol' taboo.

But, now that I'm married and older and some what...just a bit, wiser, I'm wondering why it was such a hushed topic. I mean, although I don't expect my pastor to announce to the congregation that his wife gave him a blow....j..b, I do wish that it was talked about, openly and not meant to be harmful but beautiful.

Sex is all up in our faces...on tv, in music, on billboards and definitely, the internet. For the very first time, I saw a movie that was rated R and it actually showed men and their privates and not just the balls but the pencil or marker (depending how big it was).

Sex shouldn't be something that is whispered about behind closed doors. I remember hearing a pastor's wife who was quite honest about her and her husband of 40 something years, bedroom secrets. She said, "He can't seem to get it up or keep it up but our lovemaking is better than ever. You know why? Because he knows how to please me. Sometimes, we use toys and other times, we don't but I wouldn't trade the intimacy we share with any other couple." Now THAT'S beautiful!!

I'll share a special interview coming up, with a talented writer who has written a book on Sex, Love and Liberation. That writer?? My daughter, Married Boo aka Ev'Yan.

My desire is to share the beauty of what God created sex to be and to let go of any inhibitions that may come from what we were told or how we were raised or by what was or wasn't said in our growing up years.

In the meantime, I'd love to know, how do you feel when talking about sex??


16 comments:

Menopausal New Mom said...

Well you've opened up yourself with this post Lol!! When I talk about sex with girlfriends, no problem, it's fun to share stories. Now if my mom mentions it I blush so I guess for me, I'm still that immature teen at heart who doesn't want to know about her parent's sex life. If it's anyone else, I happy to listen and join in without blushing.

Yvonne said...

I will talk about sex to almost anyone who opens up the conversation except my mom (my disclaimer, I was abused by my stepdad). But I agree with you. Not talked about enough in church. I have talked to teens at church very openly in a group setting over the years. Don't know if it's that I'm from Germany or what but I'm pretty free with body related stuff. I've taught girls how to insert their diapram when they couldn't get it right, how to breast feed during trying times, and I've helped 17 moms during labor. Yup. Quite comfortable. I've tossed the idea of writing a blog about sex for women but prefer not to have the young men in life see it. Not sure how I'd get around that. It's great that your daughter has taken that on!

Formerly known as Frau said...

I can talk with girlfriends and even my sister's about sex and my hubby but my Mom...oh hell no! I wish I had that conversation with my Mom earlier would have saved me from a lot of pain from how I did find out about sex. I like Yvonne approach after living in Germany and talking to teens they are more free and not so uptight. And would you believe the teenage pregnancy rate is quite low there.

Great post!

Connie said...

I have mixed feelings about talking about sex. Once you are married I believe sex is very private. I would not go into detail about our sex life with anyone. In the world today, everything is out in the open and I think sometimes that cheapens a relationship. However, for young girls/boys information about sex is important. It is also important to remind kids what the Bible says about sex. The TV cheapens sex - it is like having a piece of candy - and really it is one of the most beautiful acts God has given us the privilege of experiencing. When we talk about sex we have to make sure we don't cheapen it. Just my thoughts......

Brian Miller said...

i think we have created a taboo and mystery around it that is alluring and unfortunately ruining it in many ways for our teens and even younger...because they are believing what they see on tv and games and...yeah i can rant on this subject...i think we as families should be talking about it with our kids in an intelligent way...i think sex is a beautiful thing in the right context and that should be taught...i think there is a certain amount i can talk with close friends which i think is good...i think too couples should talk about it beyond just doing it...you are init together and its a joy to find what your partner really likes...ok i will stop now...smiles.

Leslie Payne said...

I'm grateful to say when I was a teenager there were some very honest Christian leaders in my life who talked about sex and challenged us to wait for our marriage partners.

I made the commitment to wait when I was 16. Thank God I didn't know I would not meet my husband until I was 42! LOL!

Despite all the movies, cultural pressure and men willing to convince me otherwise, I waited. (And it was NOT easy!) But I am so grateful I did. So is he. Like Connie said, it is precious to know all that happens is just between me and my husband. But I am so grateful for the honest conversations over the years that helped me wait for him.

Ina in Alaska said...

My favorite sex advice comes from Patti Stanger the Millionaire Matchmaker- she is pretty practical.

I am most comfortable "sharing" with close friends but that is the extent of my comfort zone.

Nezzy said...

Seems like the pendulum has swung the other way since back in the day when I grew up.

It's a livin' wonder that my generation could ever have 'fun' and enjoy sex. I was drilled in our young minds that good girls don't have sex and if you did you'd be labeled bad. It was totally a taboo subject 'round our home.

I've grown up and gotten over that and can approach the subject with ease now.

God bless ya sweetie!!! :o)

Sweet Tea said...

I feel quite comfortable talking about sex in general,
but not-so-much talking about it personally.

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

I have to agree with Sweet Tea. I am a Baby Boomer. We are the generation that learned about sex in back seats of cars because it was never discussed at home and then went on to Free Love and The Pill.

I have one girlfriend that shares way too much information. I cannot imagine having a personal sex talk with my daughters, but if it came up, (ha) I would.

Mari said...

I'm not embarrassed to talk about sex and I agree that we need to be more open in discussing it. I do feel that we have to be careful about discussing too much of what goes on between us and our spouse as that is between the two of us and I wouldn't want to cheapen it.

Veronica Lee said...

I can't imagine having a conversation about sex with my mom! We come from a very strict Catholic background and the topic is kinda taboo. I know, I belong to the stone age!!! I, too, grew up believing that only bad girls enjoyed sex! I've gotten over that now and can talk pretty openly about it with my girlfriends and sisters.

Buckeroomama said...

LOL, I enjoyed reading that! It depends on the person I'm talking about sex with. Some people are more open to these types of discussions while others would just be too shocked and appalled to find that sex is even a topic of conversation. I usually take my cue from them.

Deidra said...

I'm with Brian - I could go on and on! Seriously! And when you bring up the church's lack of conversation on the topic of sex... No. Wait. Let me clarify that. The church's lack of HEALTHY and HELPFUL conversation. Well. Don't let me get started. Really. Don't.

(Whew! Sorry 'bout that. I think I just vented in your comment box. Please forgive me...)

Carry on, my friend. Carry on!

Annesphamily said...

If I start commenting here I will never shut up! LOL! I was raised by parents who had me later in life so there was no sex talk. I learned alot of things from other Catholic girls just repeating things they heard. We always were very open with our own kids. You can't sugar life or anything to do with it.
I just like visiting you because I never know what you will be up to! Great post Simone!

blueviolet said...

I came out of childhood thinking of it as a "dirty" thing, so when I had my own children, I made sure to raise them with a totally different take on it, and I'm happy to say that they don't seem to have any of my hangups. Whew!

 

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