Don't Care-itis
This is a blog post that almost wasn't. You know the one where you think, "No one will relate to this"? But, then I realized that by keeping this to myself, I may be preventing someone from reading what may need to be shared.
When I was a kid, I loved reading Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books by Betty Macdonald. She had cures for just about everything. For the kids that whined or hated getting up for school or hated cleaning their ears, she always seemed to have the right substance to change their outlook.
In one story, Patsy Brown refuses to take baths so Mrs. Piggle Wiggle tells her parents to let the dirt accumulate and when it does, to plant radish seeds on Patsy's skin. Before long, Patsy has radish plants growing all over her. (I know, weird concept.)
If I were a character in Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's life, I would be the one with "Don't Care-itis". It's the "itis" where after every thought, it's followed with an "I don't care." There are those pesky little thoughts like, "I really don't need another slice of pie" followed by "I don't care". Or, "I need to get some sleep or else I'll be exhausted tomorrow" followed once again by, "I don't care." Those may not be a big deal but the bigger "Don't Cares" are.
The last few weeks, I have been more frustrated than I've ever been in a lifetime. I have been from one specialist appointment to another and still have a few more on the list to see. Somewhere along the way, I literally forgot how far God has brought me on this journey.
I began to feel unlovable.
It doesn't matter if I live or not...
I'm more of a stress to J and my family.
It doesn't matter whether I have gifts or talents, there are others that are better at it than I am.
Sure I might be missed if I was gone but I'd soon be forgotten.
So I don't write a blog post, there's tons of bloggers out there that have more to say than I do.
Before you all begin commenting about how I should contact the suicide hotline or that I'm depressed and need to seek treatment....stop and think. I believe everyone has felt a sense of being unloved, helpless, hopeless, insecure and not good enough. The problem is when you don't admit it out of fear that others will look at you differently. Do you know how many people you pass each day that are smiling on the outside and crying on the inside?
In my case, I KNOW that all of those thoughts are lies. I KNOW that I am CHOSEN for a purpose and that God has given me a second chance at life. I KNOW that I am loved and wanted and needed. I know that when I am headed down the path that I am supposed to take is when the "Don't Care-itis" happens.
Maybe you have been told all of your life that you don't matter. But, taking a line from the book, The Help by Kathryn Stockett, "You is kind; you is smart; you is important."
That's why community and friendship is like a lifeline. Unless you speak what you are feeling to someone, you will never give them the opportunity to come beside you and embrace you and love on you. You will cheat others of the moments of letting you know that you are loved and valued. We all have a purpose and whether your purpose is revealed at this moment or not, you are loved.
I would love to be there for you. If you need someone to listen as you talk or come beside you, please drop me an email. I really do care!
When I was a kid, I loved reading Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books by Betty Macdonald. She had cures for just about everything. For the kids that whined or hated getting up for school or hated cleaning their ears, she always seemed to have the right substance to change their outlook.
In one story, Patsy Brown refuses to take baths so Mrs. Piggle Wiggle tells her parents to let the dirt accumulate and when it does, to plant radish seeds on Patsy's skin. Before long, Patsy has radish plants growing all over her. (I know, weird concept.)
If I were a character in Mrs. Piggle Wiggle's life, I would be the one with "Don't Care-itis". It's the "itis" where after every thought, it's followed with an "I don't care." There are those pesky little thoughts like, "I really don't need another slice of pie" followed by "I don't care". Or, "I need to get some sleep or else I'll be exhausted tomorrow" followed once again by, "I don't care." Those may not be a big deal but the bigger "Don't Cares" are.
The last few weeks, I have been more frustrated than I've ever been in a lifetime. I have been from one specialist appointment to another and still have a few more on the list to see. Somewhere along the way, I literally forgot how far God has brought me on this journey.
I began to feel unlovable.
It doesn't matter if I live or not...
I'm more of a stress to J and my family.
It doesn't matter whether I have gifts or talents, there are others that are better at it than I am.
Sure I might be missed if I was gone but I'd soon be forgotten.
So I don't write a blog post, there's tons of bloggers out there that have more to say than I do.
Before you all begin commenting about how I should contact the suicide hotline or that I'm depressed and need to seek treatment....stop and think. I believe everyone has felt a sense of being unloved, helpless, hopeless, insecure and not good enough. The problem is when you don't admit it out of fear that others will look at you differently. Do you know how many people you pass each day that are smiling on the outside and crying on the inside?
In my case, I KNOW that all of those thoughts are lies. I KNOW that I am CHOSEN for a purpose and that God has given me a second chance at life. I KNOW that I am loved and wanted and needed. I know that when I am headed down the path that I am supposed to take is when the "Don't Care-itis" happens.
Maybe you have been told all of your life that you don't matter. But, taking a line from the book, The Help by Kathryn Stockett, "You is kind; you is smart; you is important."
That's why community and friendship is like a lifeline. Unless you speak what you are feeling to someone, you will never give them the opportunity to come beside you and embrace you and love on you. You will cheat others of the moments of letting you know that you are loved and valued. We all have a purpose and whether your purpose is revealed at this moment or not, you are loved.
I would love to be there for you. If you need someone to listen as you talk or come beside you, please drop me an email. I really do care!
Comments
...but this I know, God wouldn't of brought you back if He didn't have a divine purpose for your life. How very special your purpose must be for Him to of done that!!!
Yep, we can all relate to your post here. All who take breath ask these very same question when we slip into a slump. Then we look up and remember our Maker has a plan.
I too want to reach out to others. Pray and really be there for them. It's amazin' how much we can care for someone we've never met isn't it?
God bless and have a magnificent day my friend!!!
This post shows something about you that is so special. In the middle of dealing with your own troubles, you are putting yourself out there to help others. You are a pretty amazing person and I know God is going to use this hard time for good!
what nezzy said is true...
Because you know me so well I do not have to list the medical problems in my life, but I will say you are lucky to have made it this far without having a physical malady that jars your sense of self-worth.
You will learn from this and you will grow, and in time you will realize that you are smiling on the inside because you just helped someone else find their way too.
It's a rough road at times. I also had to see so many specialists who had no idea how to help me. Little by little, the Lord let us know just what we needed for the next step.
A step at a time, Simone. God is faithful even when we can't see it.
Two people who have experienced pain, you and him, still thinking of others.
You're a strong woman, though I wish your burdens were lighter. As Nezzy said, God has a divine purpose for you...for me, too, I hope. And for all of us.
Many Blessings,
Jill
Blogging has saved me. There is such a warm group of pallies that surround me--and I like to think that I surround them too--in good times and in bad. :) It's also very cathartic to put my thoughts and feelings on a page.
I guess we are all here for each other...and for ourselves. It's a nice feeling, isn't it?
I'm here for you too.
Luv you!
Re blogging. I think it is different for each blogger. Mine is almost like a diary of what is going on in my world.
Your life has changed so much since you left California. From your recent posts you seem to be in the midst of much change.
I can relate to what you've written, as I've been one of those people who has smiled on the outside but is crying on the inside.
It's comforting to know there are others out there who care.
1. Before your feet hit the floor every morning say a prayer of thanks for a minimum of 5 things.
2. Follow it with The Prayer of Jabez.
'Oh Lord that you would bless me indeed and expand my territory! That your hand would be with me and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain.'
If you're willing, please email me your home address.
Know that you are loved, Simone. I pray that you will get through these trying times.
I hope that you know you have the Heavenly Father loving and supporting you during these times.
I pray that you get better soon. If you find that you aren't please reach out to professionals.
It's healing for you and for your readers when you talk about how you're feeling. You are most certainly not the only one who's felt this way, even though it might seem like it sometimes.
I have the "Don't Care-itis" too. It's gotten within the past year but hasn't completely gone away. I hope that yours does soon.
I think most, if not all, can identify with this post.
Thanks for sharing!
By the way, Don't Care-itis? Great term you came up with. :)
So chin up and hang in there. We love you. xo jj
You certainly are an inspiration to me and so many others. Sending prayers and virtual hugs to you!!! Hang in there and stay strong! ~Coreen XOXO
It has not been easy to make myself feel like I have meaning in my life or any purpose. I find myself retired and all the time in the world and 250 miles from those I love.
I joined a small Bible Study to help remind myself to have faith. If God wants us back in CA, He will find a way for us to return... In the meantime, I have to do my best to make the most of it.
This is a most amazing post. In a few choice words, you have put your finger directly on issues that touch most of us at some point in our lives; some of us know Don't Care-itis intimately, while others have a mere passing acquaintance. Most of feel unlovable at some point, most of us bemoan the fact that others are "better" than we are, and most of us think "no one will relate to this." BUT...
You, Simone, have that unique ability to touch others in a way that EVERYONE can relate. We read your words and find ourselves nodding; yes, we KNOW! We KNOW what you're talking about! You have many gifts to share, and this ability to reach out and touch others is but one.
You is kind. You is smart. You is important. You is not growing radishes on your skin.
Because you know how to kick Don't Care-itis' butt.