We adopted two kids on Friday. Couldn't help it. It started with my constant yearning (in spite of knowing that at this point in life, I really couldn't be a mom) for another little one.  Then, J and I had a discussion on tithing. This is an honest admission on my part but I have a hard time with letting go of what really isn't mine at all...money that God has blessed us with. We went back and forth on the topic. Me being the one that argued against giving the full 10% - J being the level headed, spiritually certain one in the conversation.  "Babe, God wants us to give freely, knowing that He wants to bless through us. When He sees that we are obedient, He will continue to bless us in ways we've never imagined." "But, what if WE need the money?" I asked. "Then God will provide, plain and simple," J responded. So we talked about the desire to help others with the blessings we've been given. I headed over to the website ...

J and I were sitting at church, waiting for service to begin. A perky lady came over to introduce herself. She greeted us then said, “Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing!”  I looked over at J’s daughter, thinking she was talking to her. She was talking to me. Really? Me? Pretty? I don’t know when it happened but I lost the concept of being pretty. In fact, I’m not sure if I ever knew what “pretty” really meant. When my twin sister and I were kids, I always thought I was the ugly twin, even though, clearly, we were identical. We would look in the mirror at our similarities and differences’; determining which one of us was pretty. I had dimples, Twin 2 didn’t. She had an awesome beauty mark, I didn’t. For a few years, (thanks to knocking my four front teeth out, at the age of 4), I was without teeth, while she had hers. I was the one that was gifted with bad eyesight so by age 8, I wore thick glasses (which resembled stop signs). I put them on as I got out of the car but the mo...

With eyes wide open, I entered into marriage for the second time. I decided that I was going to trust but only to a certain extent. I was going to love but not completely so that it would cause me to experience hurt. I was going to give my heart but keep a certain part behind a wall, for just in case. But unexpectedly, that all went out the window. I became J's number one cheerleader. Being the number one cheerleader looks like this... "Babe, I can't believe you opened the bottle of ketchup! You're amazing!" "You are so wise! I'm amazed at the wisdom you possess. You put words into perspective in a way that I actually get." "I love that you never fail to let me know just how much I mean to you. You're my Mr. Wonderful." Recently, J told me that I see him as perfect. He's right - I do. What I mean is that I know he has flaws. He makes plenty of mistakes but what I see is where he is "perfect" for me. It is so easy...

In my line of work, I talk to people all day long - mostly by telephone. I try to make every person on the other end of the line, feel like they are my most important phone call. After all, for some, the phone can be the only ray of sunshine throughout their whole day. A few days ago, I was talking to a lady on the phone that I had never spoken to before. My computer was running really slow, actually crawling, so I decided to make small talk while waiting for the screen to come into view. I asked her how her day was going. From that simple question, a conversation began. She spoke in broken English but I understood loud and clear; she just wanted someone to talk to. As I got ready to finish the phone conversation she asked, "Where your office? I come visit you. Say hi." I told her and she said, "Aaya! That far! Too bad!" Then she sighed. "Well, thank you for be so nice!" The digital age we live in can either be a blessing or a curse, depending how othe...

As a homeschooling mom, I looked for opportunities to teach my daughters. The perfect one came in the form of a cocoon. It wasn't a little cocoon but a rather large one. The cocoon was placed in a jar (with air holes) and Herbie was brought to the table every morning, just in case he decided to make his appearance. The girls created an image of what they thought Herbie would be. They envisioned a beautiful butterfly filled with vibrant colors. The day came and the cocoon revealed a large, dull brown moth. The girls were excited and I was disappointed. I wanted them to have the experience of seeing something beautiful emerge. Little did I know that Herbie was their "something beautiful". Both girls carried the jar around like Herbie was their greatest prized possession. They spoke lovingly to him, telling him that he was going to be free to spread his wings. They marveled over every move that he made. Finally, the time came for him to be released. I was semi-relieved. ...

Packed memories have waited my attention for a time like this. I knew the time would come for me to unpack - to sort through a life that once existed. I found joy in our daughters drawings of cherished times and of a happy family. I smiled at the memories of those times. Childish handwriting declaring love forever to their mommy and their daddy. But, you changed all of that. You took faithfulness out of our marriage and replaced it with distrust and brokenness. You destroyed my view of happily ever after. More importantly, our daughters joy was replaced with fear of loving and being loved by a man that would promise "I love you forever and always". As I sorted through the photos, I looked for signs of deceit hidden in your smile. I tried to understand how a man could have three girls that spoiled him rotten and loved him unfailingly, yet destroy it so easily. I found photos of when we first met and the memories came flooding back of when we first said, "I love ...