Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I am a fake

I am not tough enough. I write blog posts that make it seem as if I have it all together (at times) and honestly, I am far from it.

I am at a hard spot right now. There have been some complications in the surgery and once again, I may end up back in the hospital. This will make it three times in three weeks.

I have snotted and cried and called out to God so many times, I'm sure he's wanting to change his name to Joe. I don't understand why things happen as they do but they do.

I am showing you my stuff here.

Last night, after crying through bouts of nausea and pain, J held me. I couldn't help but think I was a burden...that he didn't sign up for "this". He reassured me that I was his joy and not even close to a burden.

I have blogged years now and some of you have been with me from the beginning. I have tried to reveal the real me but at the moment, the real me is a sniffling mess.

I am holding on to the positives though. I have a husband that so loves me.

My family would be nuts without me.

I would miss out on some pretty great things coming up...

My baby girl getting married

A camping trip

A Women of Faith Conference

A chance to eat a slice of pizza oozing with cheese.

As I lay in J's arms last night, I asked him to sing the song that is his favorite. He began to sing it to me until I relaxed in his arms.


15 comments:

Brian Miller said...

mmm...pass the piza please...smiles....

hang in there...you will be fine...and this is what he signed up for...smiles.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Love you and are praying......Send me your address again...annah99@aol.com

Hoping you will make a turn today.....

Shelly said...

Praying for you, my friend. You are a tough woman, just as the times you are going through now are tough. Run the race that is set before you with endurance. I know you can. You've got your beautiful family and a faithful Lord right there by your side.

Mari said...

I've been praying for you and will continue. I'm sorry this has been so tough but glad you are surrounded by those who love you - that includes God!

Sweet Tea said...

"We are weak but HE is strong".
Hold on to that thought.
I have been where you are. Really, I have. It has been many years ago but I remember it well. You will heal. The pain will cease. You will make it through. You WILL. Nothing says we must always be strong. We are vulnerable and all dependent upon God and the wonderful people he has placed alongside us to help when our strength is gone. Praying for you Simone.

Chatty Crone said...

I have to admit - I am not sure what surgery you had - but I know that surgery makes your body way out of whack and can make you low - and now you have had two more!

And it is okay not to be perfect!

And I will pray!

sandie

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Simone, I am so very sorry to hear this. Love is grand, especially at times like these. I'm so glad J is there supporting you and that you are feeling loved. Keep up the good work and hang in there. As they say, this too shall pass.
Sending hugs and prayers, xoxo jj

Liz said...

I'm so sorry that you are going through all this. You know God loves you and you can be strong with his help.
J will be there to hold an comfort you and you will get through this.
I hope you make a turn to less pain and get on the mend very quickly!

BerryMorins Bits & Tips said...

You're allowed to scream and cry. There's lots of bible verses in the Psalms to support this.
And I'm a big supporter in taking time for ourselves to be upset when going through tough times.
Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.

Anita said...

I'm so sorry that you're experiencing pain and discomfort. Hang in there. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm glad your husband and family are there for you.

I listened to the song. How soothing and peaceful. Thank you.

SouthLakesMom said...

I'll take a slice too...praise God for J...praying for your recovery...remember, this is NOT a surprise to God. He won't change His name or "unfriend" you...

Linda Myers said...

thinking of you.

Annesphamily said...

Health stuff is the very worst! I feel for you. I have been there. Done that! When we feel so alone is when we seem to have the most love surrounding us! You are blessed and always in my thoughts and prayers! Get well. Please send me your address phamilybusiness1@aim.com

A BIG Colorado hug from me to you! You are very blessed! Keep telling you that!

Lin said...

Okay, you are allowed a bit of sniffling. And then, you have to stay strong and get better!! Love ya, pally!! Sending love and prayers for a speedy recovery. :)

Veronica Lee said...

Praying and always have been praying for you, dear Simone!

Sending lots of hugs.......