Pre Birthday Blues

Since Simone is currently laid up, I thought it would be perfectly fitting for me to step in. So, I'm kid..er..blog-napping Chocolate Covered Daydreams for a bit. Many of you know my twin sister and have faithfully followed her journey of self discovery, spirituality, marriage and family life. I bet you've already realized that she is THE most amazing woman in the world. Unfortunately, I am writing this as I sit beside Simone's hospital bed. Truth is, Simone suffers from "bad timing" syndrome. Let me give you a recent account of the happenings. Warning: I am going on very little sleep so I may ramble a bit and misspell a few words, so bear with me.

As you may remember, Simone recently underwent fundif...never mind, I can't remember what the actual name of the surgery is but I do know that it was to treat hiatal hernias. She had been recuperating; dealing with a total liquid diet and around-the-clock pain meds, until Saturday when she experienced a little set back and earned an e-ticket ride to the hospital.

This Tuesday, my twin and I will celebrate our birthday. Knowing that she hadn't been feeling well, I wanted to think of a way that we could celebrate together although separated. (I'm in California and she's in Oregon.) On a whim, I decided to snag a flight to Oregon and surprise her with a kick back, girly kind of birthday weekend. After talking to her family and reminding them that it was supposed to be a surprise, I flew out on Saturday morning. Upon landing in Oregon I felt giddy and excited about hanging out with my very best friend in the world. I braced myself for a fun-filled, yet somewhat relaxing weekend.

After I'd grabbed my luggage and checked my voicemail, I discovered that Jeff, Simone's hubby had left a message. I figured he was calling to tell me that Simone still had no idea that I was coming and he wanted to give me directions to their house. Instead, the message said that Simone had collapsed and was on her way to the hospital. I thought I was hearing things or that Jeff was trying to throw off my perfectly laid plans but he wasn't. When he filled me in, I learned that Simone had been doing okay until a huge wave of pain gripped her and she literally passed out. She came to as the paramedics were carrying her out of the house. She arrived at a hospital in Salem and underwent a series of tests to determine the source of pain. When I arrived there, she had just finished a CT scan and was a little out of it because of the pain medication.

As I walked into her hospital room, she squinted and looked as if she didn't recognize me. She later told me that it was because she wasn't wearing her contact lenses and I looked like a big blur. I thought she was suffering from amnesia until she said, "Hey, what are you doing here?" At least I didn't have to re-introduce myself to her. Relieved, I started babbling about wanting her to be surprised, catching a quick flight out and wanting to share a cool weekend with her. She gave me a short lecture about how hard headed I was...yada, yada, yada... (I wanted to tell her that I honestly learned it from her.)

The hospital in Salem decided to move her to the hospital in Portland where the surgery had been performed. So, we packed her up and headed to Portland. Long story short, this hospital is nice, peaceful and very relaxing. It has an almost spa-like atmosphere except without the
invigorating facials and massages. Also missing are the hot looking doctors that resemble Mc Dreamy and Mc Steamy from Grey's Anatomy.

I'm frustrated because now that we finally have a chance to spend time together, she's had so much pain medication that all she does is sleeps. She's also dealing with not having anything to eat except ice chips since Saturday morning.

Simone has always been my hero but now that I've seen first-hand all that she's had to endure these last few days, I believe that she should receive a medal of honor. She has been such a trooper despite it all. I know that Simone would simply brush it off and say that it's not a big deal, but she's been so courageous through this frustrating and painful ordeal.

Lately, I've come to realize a few things of my own. Sometimes just being near someone that you love is more than enough. Being without Simone is like walking around with only one shoe. I stumble, trip and attempt to feel my way through the obstacles and although I end up making it through the journey, it's not the same without having complete balance.

Something I've always realized is that I "feel" my sister's pain. When she first began experiencing health problems I knew it. It may sound like one of those weird twin things but I sensed that things weren't quite right even before I got the phone call. This is nothing new though. Simone and I share a lot of uncanny Twilight Zone moments. There have been times when we have dialed each other at the same time, or ended up blurting out the same thoughts. It's hard to explain our twin connection without sounding a bit odd. My heart just feels so heavy seeing my sister lying there in pain. It's as if I can literally feel her pain. Then comes the guilt...as if I should be able to take it away or make it all better.

In a lot of ways I've always been protective of Simone. Watching the doctors and nurses poke and prod at her has been almost unbearable.  I've had to fight off the urge to deck the nurse who can't seem to find the vein to insert her iv or when they take forever to answer her call button. I've spent the last few nights curled up in a chair but I wouldn't have it any other way. She's my sister and I'd easily trade places if I could.

It looks like I may have to finish this later. On a side note, Simone seems to be doing a bit better and just had her very first taste of beef broth and a little lemon jello. I'm hoping that by tomorrow she'll move up to finer things like maybe a cheesecake flavored milkshake.  After all it will officially be our 49th birthday.

~Syrone (AKA Twin2)