I feel like I'm running the last leg of a marathon. Funny thing is, I am not a runner. In fact, I hate running but with all of you cheering me on and encouraging me, I feel like there isn't anything I can't do.
You all have prayed for me. You have sent cards. You have reached out to me, across the miles through Facebook and emails. Your comments have been a tremendous help in my healing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I won't lie - there were times when I felt like giving up. Thankfully, J has been wonderful as I wet his shirts with my tears. One thing that rang out in my second trip out of three stays in the hospital, was that there is a purpose in this. At that moment, I was more vulnerable than I had ever been. I had to learn to ask for help to the bathroom. I had to let go of others seeing my body, scars and all. I had to learn to answer questions like, "Are you passing gas? Have you had a bowel movement?" Questions that I learned to answer even with my family in the same room. I had to admit that I was nauseous and dealing with dry heaves. I had to walk the halls of the hospital to show proof that I was tough enough to get up out of the bed and to fight to get better. I have had to drink my food for over a month where just now, I'm eating soft, mushy foods. I will never take anything for granted again.
I met so many angels in the hospital, one of them, Cynthia, I will never forget. She left an imprint on my heart. She gave and nurtured the wounded, embarrassed part of me to smile again. Even now, I am reminding myself daily of her words, "Graze. Don't feel like you need to eat. Just graze." Also, "sip, sip, sip." Those words reminded min a huge, profound way, to take each day, one little step at a time. Cynthia inspired me - no, she reminded me that I started a journey that I never finished....getting my nursing degree...becoming an RN. Nine years ago, I started to reach for that goal and then quit when my marriage ended and life became out of my control. Thank you, Cynthia for reminding me that it's never too late to start over again.
I would love to be able to hear your voices and to thank you all, personally, face to face. That isn't possible (unless you live here in Salem, Oregon). If you would like, and it may take me awhile, please email me your phone number so I can have the joy of hearing your voice and thanking you, from me to you.
After all, that's the beauty of this thing we call the worldwide web. Connecting friendships and hearts.