Thursday, April 18, 2013

Falling Upstairs

One day, while at a huge convention center, going upstairs, I tripped. No explained reason why...I just tripped and hit the stairs. I said to myself, "Simone, only YOU can trip going upstairs." I don't know if that was prophetic but that has been my life lately.

I feel like a modern day Job in the female form. Since the beginning of this year, I have:

a messed up knee (tripping and falling on the sidewalk)

chest pains (undetermined but pointing to a few possibilities that have landed me in the ER or hospital 3.5 times this year alone) (5 specialists trying to determine the exact cause at the moment)

macular pucker (yes, there is a known anomalie) in my right eye which resembles an amoeba continuously floating across my vision

undiagnosed food allergies which has caused anaphylactic reactions approximately 15 times this year alone

obstructive apnea which has caused me to stop breathing during two procedures in the hospital

and the latest, infections in my jaw bone, sinus cavity, eye socket and chin, stemming from a missing filling in my tooth. My face on the right side has been so painful to the touch and I resemble an Oompah Loompah

I also came down with a cold on top of all of those things.

I'm now wondering quite loudly, "Why me????"

Then I hear a calm, quiet voice..."Why not you?"

Humbling. "Why not me???"

I have fallen into the pity party mode. I can't seem to understand why and when this will all come to an end.

I long for my life to be normal again.

I long to belly laugh and really laugh until tears run down my face.

I want to wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and not wondering how many pain medication it will take for me to get through the day.

I long to plan something and follow through, not doubting whether I will be there or not.

I also want to smile on the outside and also on the inside. That's the key, I do the smiling on the outside really well but I don't do a very good job of smiling on the inside.

The simple truth is that I have fallen upstairs again. I just don't know how to get up this time. I'm embarrassed that others have seen me fall. This time, there is no pretending to be dancing, it is what it is....I've fallen and I feel like I can't get back up.

But I will. I have a track record of tripping over air and then finding my footsteps again. In the meantime...

I'm here. I may not respond to your blog posts immediately but I'm reading. I'm cheering you on, laughing with you, crying with you, thinking of you.

That's what friends are for.


Grandma Becky said...

Oh my, it's no fun feeling sick, etc. Had that happen to me this year. Finally feeling better. Then was able to get last two vaccinations for my trip. I also fell on a tractor at the tulip farm last Fri. Got bruises to prove it.Anyway, am praying for you and that your health issues get resolved and you feel better soon. Hugs!

Syrone said...

I know this all doesn't make sense. I don't have all the answers. I do believe that there is a reason for all of this, even as painful as it has been. I know that God is in control and knows exactly how He intends to use your pain through these experiences. I celebrate with you because even though it's hard, I know that something better is in store for you! I'm here for you any time and any day....just call!

Mari said...

I know we're sisters at heart - but we are also sisters in gracefulness! I too have the ability to trip going upstairs! Not everyone can do that, you know...
Anyway, I'm sorry you have all this stuff going on and it's only human to wonder "why me?"
I agree with Syrone that God is in control and there is a reason. I hope He makes it clear soon. :)
Love you and am praying for you.

BerryMorins Bits & Tips said...

I've found great comfort in counseling and my faith, when dealing with my chronic pain.
One needs to be allowed to go through the grieving process. I have faith that you'll find your way to acceptance.
Thank you for stopping by my blog. Your kind words are greatly appreciated.

Formerly known as Frau said...

I'm so sorry you are suffering and falling way too much! I hope your health gets better very soon. Have a wonderful weekend!

Veronica Lee said...

Praying hard for you Simone. Like Syrone, I believe everything happens for a reason though we fail to see it now.


Debby@Just Breathe said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Whoa! I'd be having a pity party too, Simone. I am so very sorry. I knew you were having health problems but I didn't realize they so wide ranging. Big sigh. I am so sorry.

But I know you. And I know you'll pick yourself up as soon as you recharge your battery. In the meantime, be easy on yourself. We're cheering you on.

xo jj

Terra said...

Dear one, you have had an incredible amount of sickness, symptoms, infections due to the tooth, eye problems, so I understand your wondering "why me". I hope starting today this will be a healthy and glorious spring and summer for you. God has a plan for you.

Linda Myers said...

I had an eight-month bout with vertigo, and it was all I could think of, wondering when my life would get back to normal.

Then the vertigo ended and I forgot all about it. I should be full of gratitude, but I moved on.

Remembering, now, to be grateful.

Buckeroomama said...

Oh, Simone. *hugs* Keeping you in my prayers. *extra hugs*

Chatty Crone said...

This is funny - I ask myself those same two questions. I sure hope you feel better soon. sandie

Liz said...

I would ask "why me" too. You are going through a lot. I was told once that God gives suffering to those that can handle it so that others can be pain free. You'll get through this. I know you will. I hope it is sooner rather than later so you can get some relief. *Hugs*

Relyn Lawson said...

I am sorry you've been having Job-ish days. Am thinking of you.

No way. You are going to think I am making this up. My real word on word verification is fallen. Really.

Annesphamily said...

Oh goodness, you have had a year! As hard as it is to say, I know He has a reason for our pain and suffering. I have many days when I think, goodness, He does not even care for me! But seriously I know He does. It just that devil trying to undermine me. My mom always said when life is hard, pray harder and if that doesn't work, pray more and even harder! So basically that is how I have gotten thru this life and of course it does help to have wonderful friends who will pray too! We have to hang in there and be tough and let the Lord take care of us.
I am always praying for you.
Love and Hugs Anne


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