One day, while at a huge convention center, going upstairs, I tripped. No explained reason why...I just tripped and hit the stairs. I said to myself, "Simone, only YOU can trip going upstairs." I don't know if that was prophetic but that has been my life lately.
I feel like a modern day Job in the female form. Since the beginning of this year, I have:
a messed up knee (tripping and falling on the sidewalk)
chest pains (undetermined but pointing to a few possibilities that have landed me in the ER or hospital 3.5 times this year alone) (5 specialists trying to determine the exact cause at the moment)
macular pucker (yes, there is a known anomalie) in my right eye which resembles an amoeba continuously floating across my vision
undiagnosed food allergies which has caused anaphylactic reactions approximately 15 times this year alone
obstructive apnea which has caused me to stop breathing during two procedures in the hospital
and the latest, infections in my jaw bone, sinus cavity, eye socket and chin, stemming from a missing filling in my tooth. My face on the right side has been so painful to the touch and I resemble an Oompah Loompah
I also came down with a cold on top of all of those things.
I'm now wondering quite loudly, "Why me????"
Then I hear a calm, quiet voice..."Why not you?"
Humbling. "Why not me???"
I have fallen into the pity party mode. I can't seem to understand why and when this will all come to an end.
I long for my life to be normal again.
I long to belly laugh and really laugh until tears run down my face.
I want to wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and not wondering how many pain medication it will take for me to get through the day.
I long to plan something and follow through, not doubting whether I will be there or not.
I also want to smile on the outside and also on the inside. That's the key, I do the smiling on the outside really well but I don't do a very good job of smiling on the inside.
The simple truth is that I have fallen upstairs again. I just don't know how to get up this time. I'm embarrassed that others have seen me fall. This time, there is no pretending to be dancing, it is what it is....I've fallen and I feel like I can't get back up.
But I will. I have a track record of tripping over air and then finding my footsteps again. In the meantime...
I'm here. I may not respond to your blog posts immediately but I'm reading. I'm cheering you on, laughing with you, crying with you, thinking of you.
That's what friends are for.
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