Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Losing My Voice

I couldn't stop the sensation. It was a feeling out of my control. In fact, the inner voice was silent, all except this feeling. Then, everything went black.

I woke up to paramedics asking me questions that I couldn't find my voice to answer. My brain seemed to stop and where thoughts were stored, there weren't any at all. (That was horrible in itself...me...the thinker and talker.)

Humility hit as slowly, it all came back to me. I was at work and the people swarming around me were my co-workers. I closed my eyes to block out the view of concerned faces and to make sense of it all.

This was the second time I had been in the back of an ambulance and still had no ability to be nosy and check out the view. I just wanted to scream, "What is happening?" But, I couldn't find my voice.

I got to the ER and my thoughts were starting to surface again. It was a place that looked familiar to me....very familiar.

I don't know how blogging and writing has become shoved and pushed into the recesses and crevices of my life...but the sad truth is, it has. I am losing my voice. I want to regain all that I seem to have lost but I honestly don't know where to start.

Do I start from where I left off or do I write from the "new, improved" riddled with bumps and bruises "me"? If I write from honesty, you all will get the bumps and bruises "me". Is that fair? 

But, this has been my life lately and to live it "real", then those are the things that will seep in from time to time.

For those of you that are still here, thanks for being so patient with me. 

For those of you that have left, I don't blame you.

Oh! The story hasn't ended yet. I wait to see if I have a concussion from hitting the floor. I also wait to see a neurologist, hoping for some more answers.

Until then...I wait...and I'm here. I've missed you all!

25 comments:

Jarani said...

I love you, Mamasan. I've struggled to figure out the same thing at times -- Whether I should write from my damaged place, or try my hardest to only channel whatever parts of me are still intact. I say write whenever you feel strongly either way. Whether you hit publish is up to you to decide. But just know that you touch people's lives with your story, and your courage to share it.

Most of all, I love you, and I'm just glad you're still gracing the world with your presence.

Brian Miller said...

well goodness...another trip to the hospital is a bit of excitement that you dont want....so scary too not to know what is going on....

hey its good hear from you and know that you are still alive...smiles...

hope you get those answers....

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Praying that you are okay. ((HUGS))

Alice Torres said...

Praying for you sweet friend! God has your voice and knows your struggles. He will get you through them.

Dawna said...

Miss your posts Sim.. wondered how you were..
I can see that life is keeping you busy
Lots of love and blessing to you..hope you're feeling better xx

Shelly said...

I'm praying for you! Don't stress about the blog. Focus on your health and healing and we will be here, happy to read whatever you write, when you come. (((Hugs)))

Stacie Sayz So said...

Oh my! That is a lot to be going through. Continue to stay strong as you await much needed answers. And feel better soon :)

Lin said...

Oh yikes! That sounds awfully scary! I hope you get your health in order, and then come back to blogging.

Your voice will return naturally when you start feeling better.

Stacy said...

Thank you for sharing with us. I had been wondering where you'd gone and if everything was okay. Sending up prayers for answers and recovery and health.

Becky L. said...

So glad you read another of your posts. I've been wondering how you've been. Goodness, health issues are NOT fun! Praying for answers and healing. Get to feeling better and blog what you feel like posting and continue on, friend. Gentle Hugs!

Mari said...

It's good to hear from you but not like this!
Post when you can and be yourself - we love you!

Linda said...

It is never wrong to be real! Speak the truth in love. You never know how your 'story' can and will help others.
Prayers for your journey through this experience. And remember - it always comes to PASS! NOT to STAY!!!

Veronica Lee said...

Praying for you, dear Simone! And sending lots of hugs too.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Simone-- Ambulance rides and waiting are not fun at all. I am so sorry and hope results come soon with an easy fix.

I totally understand losing your voice and wondering if you should "be real" with the not so great stuff. I'm all for sharing but only what you are comfortable with. Regardless, I'm here when you are.

xoxo jj

BerryMorins Bits & Tips said...

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this.
I will continue to pray for a quick recovery.

Connie said...

Take care of yourself. Hope you feel better soon. Write when you can.

Connie said...

Take care of yourself. Hope you feel better soon. Write when you can.

Connie said...

Take care of yourself. Hope you feel better soon. Write when you can.

Anita said...

If you are comfortable with sharing your truth, then share it. Friends who have the strength to hear it (the challenges), will continue to stand by your side and pray and/or hope for resolutions and peace in your life.

I am concerned about your health issues and worried that there is too much stress in your life.

As you read this, I hope and pray that you're having a joyful day!

Jeanette Levellie said...

You have to speak the truth in love in order to grow up. All of us do!

Relyn Lawson said...

I am praying for you, sweet friend.

Jenny said...

Oh my gosh.

I am so sorry to read this.

I can't imagine how terrible that must have been.

I hope things are feeling a little better for you.

As for blogging.

I try to make myself do it.

Sometimes I think it would be too easy to slip into the abyss of chronic illness and darkness otherwise.

Write what you feel.

Write knock knock jokes.

Write nothing.

Just don't curl inside yourself because you have so much to offer the world it would be a shame if your voice went totally silent.

But, hey.

that's just my personal two cents!

Hugs, hope, prayers and peace.

Relyn Lawson said...

I miss you, friend.

I have a few wishes for you.
May 2014 bring you much joy.
May we all have peace in our homes,
laughter by our firesides,
time spent with family,
and contentment in our hearts.
Be well, my friend.

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