Sunday, July 27, 2014

Because I Need to Remember

2014-07-02 18.57.39The most important things are easy to remember but those vital to survival, are easy to forget.I sometimes struggle with remembering to breathe, often holding my breath without realizing it. Just like breathing, life happens and as it does, I get caught up, distracted, and stuck on things that really aren’t important.
Today has been one of those days...the kind of day that started out with me feeling sorry for myself. I was thinking, “Why me? Why do I have to be the one to go through the pain that I’m in? When will I finally feel “normal” again?” Just as quickly as I thought those words, God whispered this:
“Your pain doesn’t define you; it refines you. You have “this” so you won’t forget.”
Almost two years ago, was when I first began to experience the heart issues and other health issues. Out of the blue it arrived. No warning or way to brace myself for the journey. I’ve been from one specialist to another to seek answers. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been in the ER and admitted into the hospital. As for the tears, God’s bottled enough of those to create another river…cool…the Simone River. I kind of like the sound of that!
The frustration, the endless tests, humiliation, tons of medication – I’m so over it!!
Yet, the magnitude hit me today and I remembered - I died. Flat lined. I was brought back for a reason. I vividly remember what I saw and as much as I can put it into words, I can only say “WOW!” before tears fill my eyes.
I remember – and it makes the pain so much more worth it. I’m not the same person I used to be. I’ve become more resilient, maybe more stubborn, definitely more determined to live each moment and breath as if it were my last. I’m not strong enough sometimes – but He is.
It’s a relief to know that I’m not alone in my pain. In 2 Corinthians 12:8, 9, Paul, who had a thorn in his side asked God three times, to remove the thorn but God told him, “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” That’s what it’s all about. It’s about me leaning on Him when I can’t walk one step further or when I feel like I’m going to hit the ground.
Even if in this life I never find my “normal” again, I know I’ll be okay.
I won’t forget.

8 comments:

sunshinegirl said...

I do believe in God as well :)
Everyone has tough times but we always have to remember that God is with us <3
Everyone has a reason to live so stay strong! and God bless you!

Terra said...

You are developing a great philosophy to live by, following the One who is mighty to save.

Veronica Lee said...

Stay strong, my dear friend. Being in the valley of trials sucks but I believe God has a plan for all our lives.

(((hugs and prayers))

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Hugs to you

Sweet Tea said...

It just doesn't seem fair that you carry such a heavy load, Simone. I know God sees the big picture while we just see life in snippets, but sometimes those snippets are mighty heavy. Special ((hugs)) and prayers for you.

Alieux said...

I really like this post. I can't agree more with what Sweet Tea said.

God Bless you.


Alieux

Pearl said...

What a wonderful lesson -- and what a frightening lesson!

You have a lot of weight on you, but it seems to me that you are equal to the task.

Pearl

Annesphamily said...

Hi love, how are you getting along? I think of you and pray for you because you remind me a bit of my sis who also has struggled with having heart related problems. I have so loved knowing you here. Goodness time goes by quickly. I think the Simone River would be so cool. I know how you feel, I struggle sometimes with my migraines and I think why does God not give me a break? But I already know the answer and I too feel sorry for me! When Nick graduated in 2012 from high school, he lost several classmates. Two young men were drag racing, one was killed instantly, the other on life support for several days. I drive by that spot (someone planted a beautiful flowering bush around the light pole where it happened) and I think those mothers no longer have their sons and I cry and I feel better for me and very sad for those mom's! I saw a piece about Jim Kelly (former Buffalo Bills QB) during the game between the Giants and Buffalo Sunday evening. He is struggling with jaw cancer and is a devote Christian. They lost their little son several years ago to a horrible disease and he said I feel like I need a break. Why doesn't God give me a break? I cried because I feel like I have everything and he is truly struggling for his life. I have to find your e mail so I can gab here longer. I just know God gives us what He thinks we can handle! Hee Hee, boy he loves you a bunch eh? Goodness I just love being here and I thank you for visiting me too. God Bless You precious lady and feel better. Hugs, Prayers and Love, Anne