Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I love you just the way you are

My ex was a musician and singer and one of the songs that he performed was by Billy Joel, "I Love You Just Way You Are". I hated when he sang that song. Not because it wasn't a beautiful song but because when he sung it, he wasn't being truthful. He DIDN'T love me just the way I was. In fact, he hated that I was no longer a size 5 and weighed 103. He said that he was turned off by me and couldn't love me being that I wore a size 12. That was one of the many reasons why we divorced aside from his cheating.

Being the deep thinker that I am - I wonder why we can't love one another exactly the way we are? Why should Susan Boyle (the British lady with a VOICE) change according to media standards to be accepted into society? So, what happens if she continues to wear her hair the way she does and dresses the way she does and keeps the facial hair that she has....what if??? Will she still be appreciated for the voice she has or will she be criticized? I'm betting that eventually, she will be criticized. But, I hope she stands her ground. No one or nothing should change the way one feels comfortable in their skin.

There was a classmate I went to high school with that was such a fun loving, well liked, outgoing person. She was very easily adored by her compassion and warm laughter. She was overweight. Senior year, she went to Jenny Craig's and came back after the summer, extremely thin. But, with her weight loss came a personality change. She was inward, shy and unreachable. She didn't hang out with people but stuck to herself. I really don't think she knew how to be comfortable in her new skin.

Women are the worst when it comes to be critical. My daughters are beautiful...not just because I'm their mom but because they are and yet, they have people question their size asking if they are anorexic or if they eat. My ex's mom always maintained that the "pretty" black girls were those that had long hair. My oldest has an adorable, cute pixie cut that suits her better than her having long hair. Is Married Boo content in her skin? Only she can say for sure but she does wear her style with confidence, as does Teen Boo.

I'm not comfortable in my skin. It's not because I live in a town where everyone is known for being a size 3 and having reconstructive surgery to fix the things that they don't. It's because I know that I can feel much healthier than I feel and that only comes from working out.

Also, when I was 24 and pregnant with my first daughter, for some strange reason, my body started developing what is known as keloids. They appeared for no explained reason and in areas that were hard to conceal. Plastic surgery wasn't an option because they grew larger after going under the knife. (I went there and regretted it.) I became depressed because I had to kiss goodbye wearing bathing suits, low neckline shirts and even t-shirts because there is two large ones that are very visible on my neckline and on my chest. To conceal them, I've often worn my shirts backwards to keep them hidden. Yet, when it comes to doctor's visits...I cringe at the questions that I'm asked.

I will never forget one doctor's office where I was pulled into the center of the office for him to "show" all of his staff my body because they'd never seen it before. I went home and cried and cried. I felt like and still feel like an oddity.

What this taught me though is that I can't change that they exist. They will be there until the day I die but somehow, I can change the way I feel in my skin. It's up to me.

I hope that Susan Boyle will hold her head high and be willing to stay comfortable with who she is and not let the world's standards dictate otherwise. To me, beauty comes from the inside out and it's not just a cliche'. I know it for sure.

17 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

Love your thoughts... it is SOOO aggravating that society is what makes us uncomfortable in OUR skin! God created us perfectly made! Why do we have to compare to each other... but we do.

I read where Susan Boyle said she was not going to do a make over..but watch, someone will convince her!

Let me be the first to say - you are BEAUTIFUL!!!

travel girl said...

So many truths in this post.

Our fixation on Hollywood has only deepen our critical examination of ourselves. We forget that it's their job to look perfect so they can workout 4 hours a day of pay for removal of what they can't work off.

I will be the second and say YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!

Veronica Lee said...

Although we've never met, I think and know you are beautiful.

Tami said...

BRAKE Screech! Beautiful Simone! Hold on there a minute, I have more scars then you can count. Consider yourself LUCKY beautiful lady, to have the spirit you have in YOU. Scars are scars, One day I'll call you and tell you the story. But today, I want you to stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself and say it a MILLION TIMES, I am beautiful, I am GORGEOUS!I AM, ALL IN ONE a BEAUTIFUL, LOVING, WOMAN!! I AM SIMONE! Say it over and over and look at yourself with your scars visible. To HELL with society! They can kiss me right where it counts. on my large BEHIND. Yes indeed. Be comfortable, be YOU, Never allow someone elses opinions to change YOU. They have their own issues and decided to make YOU pay for their insecurities.
I've been HEAVY my whole life, a large woman who is shaped like a pear. I flaunt my large behind, and my huge thighs with PRIDE. Because GOD made me. Didn't matter how thin I got, I always had my large behind. I affectionately sing that song, I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE..
I am BEAUTIFUL Because GOD said I am everything and MORE.

My friend, YOUR SPIRIT and YOUR BEAUTY AMAZES ME!

And to heck with the haters on Susan Boyle. I like her eyebrows! and he hair, she puts me in mind of my granny from Scotland.

*smile.

I <3 you Simone! and PLEASE know U ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Great post! We all need to be more accepting of ourselves, but sometimes it's so hard. We really are our own worst enemy.

Diva Ma said...

I love the fact that you shared this. Since I have started gaining so much weight I have not been comfortable in my own skin. And people are around me to let me know their thoughts all that time.

I know that I am a beutiful person and I do my best to be beautiful on the inside as well, but we are our biggest critics and the hardest part is loving what you see in the mirror.

Diva Ma said...

PS. I was very amazed by the fact that you have been strong. You ARE beautiful! And that ex-husband of yours can kick rocks cause he doesn't realize what he had!

Sandi said...

I can't let this post slide, because I have sat face to face with this woman and I want you all to know she is gorgeous!

Girl? You hear me? You are gorgeous! I love you and can't wait to see your sweet face again!

PS- I'm freaking proud of you for sharing this stuff.

Deb said...

You speak beautiful truths. We all love you the way you are!

Danica Lynn said...

I agree with TG...so many truths in your post.

I'm not comfortable in my skin. Yes I'm average size..I suppose but I hate the way I feel and look. I think I get it from my mom because she was anorexic up until the day she died. She too was never happy. I don't know how to get there because no amount of working out changes how I feel. Not even hearing LW tell me how beautiful I am changes it. ARRGGH

You are beautiful!! Thanks for always being so honest!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

A million thanks to all of you for such sweet words. I didn't post that for you all to fluff my head with compliments (although it did make me smile) but I am a writer and there are times when I just burst out my thoughts and burst I did.

The hardest part is often revealing myself and the keloids are indeed harder than even my extra bulge that needs getting rid of. So, thank you all for giving me the courage to share. It was like I felt a million hands holding mine.

You're all the best!

jill jill bo bill said...

That was beautiful, Simone. You ARE beautiful, and I don't have to see you to know that.

Nana said...

I can't believe he told you he couldn't love you because of your size. It hurts me to read this, I'm so very glad that you are in a much better place. You know, I still think about all the hurtful things my ex said/ did to me, & I'm appalled at not speaking up, not letting him know that he was lucky to have me. Thank you for a beautiful post, that inspired my latest one. & I don't need to tell you, I'm sure you already know that you are very beautiful & we all love you the way you are :)

Nana said...

& I want to hang that doctor that showed you off to his staff. It's so selfish, wrong, unhuman... I'm so mad! I'm so sorry you had to go through this!

Kimberley said...

This was a lovely post.
I think often people do love us just the way we are, but we find it so hard to love ourselves, and somehow those nagging feelings are always there.

I know what you mean about Susan Boyle, although I believe that if she is unhappy with how she looks, success is a great vehicle to make changes. I would like to hope that if she is happy as she is, she will not be pressure by media to alter herself in any way, to conform to a certain image.

If only we could all be happy with what God gave us eh? If only it were so easy.

(great blog, btw....I'm going to add you to my blogroll!)
I'll be back (in a non-threatening, non-Arnie, manner!)
xx

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Awesome post. Glad I wandered over. :)

Hallie :)

nikkicrumpet said...

I wish everyone would "get it"...that beauty truly does come from the inside. I've met some super gorgeous people that after a short time you realize aren't beautiful at all..and vice versa. I'm way over weight...but my hubby still thinks and tells me that I'm beautiful. I am so blessed that he sees the "inside me" and not the outside. My daughter is a fitness model and is starting to learn how ugly some beautiful women can be. I'm hoping she learns from the experience and remembers to be more beautiful inside and not focus on the beauty that God gave her.

 

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