Monday, November 9, 2009

Last Night I Cried


I cried even though my big brother would've called me a wimp for shedding tears over him.

I cried because I realized that I no longer have a big brother to lean on, laugh with, gain wisdom from and to share the greatest joys in my life.

I cried because Craig made my twin sister and I a part of his world. From him, we learned wrestling moves (he was a wrestling coach), to laugh at life and not waste time on B.S. He valued us and proudly called us his little sisters.

As I cried, I reminisced over the one night when I was sound asleep in my bedroom when there was a knock on my window. Then another harder knock. Then a high pitched voice. I bolted to my sister's room, shaking. We both hesitantly went back to my room to bravely look out the window. It was Craig. After a wrestling victory celebration, having lost his voice from yelling and cheering and have quite a few brews, he came to share with victory with my sister and I. We laughed out of sheer relief. Last night, I cried at that memory.

I cried for his children. I cried for his dream of opening up a high end restaurant with live jazz music that wouldn't come to life. I cried because millions of others who's lives he touched, will miss him too.

Today, I'm done crying (I think). I know Craig wouldn't want the tears. He'd want the laughter. So today, I'm going to laugh. I'm going to see the sky as bluer than blue. I'm going to smell the air and take in it's fragrance. And sing one of Craig's favorite songs louder than loud, "Whip it, whip it good!"

25 comments:

zunzun said...

I cried reading this (don't usually cry...well...except at exceptionally bad movies or sentimental commercials!) but your Craig reminds me of my grandfather who lived his life to the fullest and loved every minute of it and also would not have liked tears of pain shed for him...may the laughter and joy he gave during his lifetime carry all of you during your grief. Hugs.

zunzun said...

OK...in honor of Craig I found Whip It in my itunes...and ummm...briefly hung my head in shame at the quantity of corny 80s songs I have in my library...but whatever...I'm jamming to Whip It and that's ok.

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh Sweetie!
It's okay to cry. We all cry, that is a healthy part of mourning the loss of someone whom we love.

The good part, you carry Craig in your heart and mind. You have all of these wonderful memories that are like books on a shelf, and when you want to read a chapter of that part of his life, you pull that memory down and go back through it. He will always be with you, he is the brightest star shining in the sky that you can find. Moma told me once, that when we pass and go to heaven, we all hang our star and that is why the heavens are so full of stars. If you go out tonight and search you will find Craig twinkling down on you.

God Bless you sweet friend. Keep reading chapters, and as Craig would say "Whip it good."

Country hugs and love, Sherry

Frau said...

I think Craig would be really proud of you. Laughter is the best medicine. I'm sure he is looking down at you and wishing your heart is healed.

Nezzy said...

I think it is very sweet that you can see the sky a little bluer now. I'm so sorry that you lost Craig but am happy that your have wonderful memories your can carry forever.

Have a wonderfully blessed day!!!

Menopausal New Mom said...

Oh Simone, I cried when reading this post. I lost my little brother 11 years ago when he was 32. I still cry to this day and I have tried for that entire 11 years to focus on how much joy he brought into my life during those 32 years instead of those last few months of trying to support him as he lay on his deathbed. My heart goes out to you, I can relate so much to how much you miss your brother and I so wish that I couldn't.

BTW, Devo is one of my favorite bands and I could crack that whip right on cue with that song today if I heard it!

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I'm so very sorry to hear about your brother. My heart goes out to you and his family. I hope he's at peace. I hope you will be feeling better again soon as well. Definitely sing "whip it" proudly in his honor then maybe whip up a batch of cookies or something he would have loved too. Aww, hugs to you!

Deidra said...

Whip It is was one of my very favorite songs! My High School cheerleading squad even had a cheer to go to the song! Clearly, your brother had impeccable taste.

Crying is part of good grief. I truly believe God gave us tears to help us heal. My prayers are with you, my friend.

Danica said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Remember the good times. And cry as much as you need.

Sending you hugs.

Ina in Alaska said...

Craig mattered. His life made a huge impact on yours. For that, his legacy will endure forever. You will meet again in Heaven, of that I am certain. Much love and prayers for peace to you and your family. xoxo

sherry ♥ lee said...

(((Simone))) I know those tears. I've cried them too. Perhaps Craig wouldn't want the tears, but he would be prouder than proud that you remember him so well, for all the little and all the big things he did for you and for others; for how he fitted in your world and into the world at large. Those aren't bad tears...those are necessary grieving tears. Let them flow. They will come and go and I accept mine...I believe that when I'm crying over my mother or my sister it is them coming to me to say hello.

Kwana said...

What a beautiful tribute. You are an amazing writer. The love is so strong and real and I know will go on.

Trish said...

That is awesome that you can finally find the light with the great memories. Its a hard road, my husband struggles with it as well! Take care and keep the positive thoughts!

blueviolet said...

What a loving look at your brother. Thank you for sharing.

I did a dance to Whip It! when I was in high school. What a fun song!

Kathy said...

What a beautiful post and what wonderful memories. Thank you for sharing that part of yourself with us.

Buckeroomama said...

One good cry will do you a world of good --if only to get it out of your system. But what matters now is that you've had it and have decided to laugh instead and celebrate Craig by singing one of his favorite songs. :)

ethelmaepotter! said...

Bigger-than-life people, as Craig seems to be, leave bigger-than-life memories, and those memories will help sustain you. Peace to Craig and all those who love him.

lagirl said...

I'm so sorry.
REALLY sorry.
I wanna cry and I didn't even know Craig, but after reading your thoughts about him I can understand what a BIG loss this is to everyone that had the pleasure to know him.

Lin said...

Oh, Simone, I'll cry for you....and him. What a loss. And it is perfectly okay to cry at his not being there anymore. Don't cry for "him", but cry that the world has lost an incredible person and someone you loved dearly. My heart aches for you, pally. Hugs.

Anita said...

Crying is good. Laughing is good. Looking at photos, reminiscing with friends and family...all good. Keep his spirit alive. I know you will.

Joanna Jenkins said...

OMG Simone.... I read you were going to sing "Whip it" and then I saw "Vlog" in your next post (right under the comment button) and I thought you were actually going to sing (!!!!), so I turned my volume up high and, and, and..... I got so excited at the possibility of you singing that I had a senior moment and, well got a craft lesson instead-- (which was fabuous, by the way).

So that's a long way of saying, I cried when I read your post and now I'm laughing with you and wishing I had met your brother. He sounds like an amazing guy.

xoxox

My name is PJ. said...

What lovely memories you shared! Crying and laughing are both manifestations of your deep love for your brother; they're both necessary for moving forward.

Veronica Lee said...

I wish I knew what to say, Simone.

Cry as much and as long as you need.

((hugs))

Angel said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

Megryansmom said...

Sorry for you loss

 

Template by BloggerCandy.com | Header Image by Freepik