Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Alone in my Thoughts

Just a reminder, tomorrow two winners will be announced for the Used Book Giveway (post below this one). Leave a comment and you're automatically entered.
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I have sat with my fingers poised on the keyboard trying to compose a blog post. It's not that I don't feel the creative spark but what is compelling me at the moment is my thoughts.

I'm stuck in a reverie of sorts. A light bulb has turned on but it's quite dim. I'm not sure what it is that I'm seeking or desiring. I just know that there is something that my soul is longing for to a point of becoming a point of urgency.

Maybe it's the feeling of the helplessness of being unemployed? Could be. I've never been unemployed for as long as I have. It frightens me. It worries me. I ride on waves of hope one moment and sheer disbelief the next.

Maybe it's the uncertainty of where the unemployment will cause me to end up at. Will Boo and I remain here in a place that together we've made our home? Or will we move to a place where there are hopes of finding a job, yet still be content?

Maybe it's the realization that I can't always heal every heartbreak and hurt in my daughters like I've always thought I could. Breakups are horrible....intense....heartwrenching. Then again, maybe it's just reminiscent of what I felt like a few years ago when my heart was ripped out of my chest.

Maybe it's passion that I'm seeking. Passion overflows for Boo so that's not the kind of passion that I'm talking about. It's passion that I see on each Olympic competitor's face and feel as I watch them compete with such courage. Can I feel that same passion? If so, for what do I feel it for? Is it my writing? My drawing? My reaching out to help others?

I'm alone in my thoughts but maybe that's not a bad thing at all.

19 comments:

SMJ said...

I hope that you find your answers, or at least get some bright shiny signals pointing you to where the answers live. The passion of Olympians has always amazed me - they all seem so poised, graceful, and yet full of fierce-ness that not even Tyra can touch! ;) I love to hear how they tap into that part of their brain...or maybe its in their soul?

Anita said...

It seems you have a lot on your plate. Maybe if you devote time to "one issue" to think about for a limited amount of time during a particular day. Take notes, write down your feelings, then stop when the time is up. Give each issue its "time" and then try to shut if off for the day. Maybe when you think about EVERYTHING at once, its too overwhelming.
I don't know...just keep trying...

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

You know what, I'm kinda, sorta where you are in a way.

I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. Hmmmmm....

I have no desire or passion for anything at the moment. I have no direction.

Nezzy said...

Looks to me like ya just wrote an amazing post right in the place you are now!

Ya'll have a super day!!!

Andrea said...

Thank you so very much for your prayers and support.
Hugs, andrea

Danica said...

About a month before my surgery I was where you are right now...unsure of my passion but knew that something was needing to be done about it. I found it when I started training for a half marathon before my surgery. Now that I am off for my surgery I am longing to return to my immediate passion.

I'm hoping you find what you are looking for. HUGS

Heart2Heart said...

I was just thinking about what a great post this was to read. Too often we know too many of us sitting here in that same place of uncertainty in life not sure just where the next chapter of our book will lead. However, cherish each moment you have for now and drink in the times you have right in front of you. Worry not about the things you can't change and just put all your effort and love into making today, the very best it can be. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Mari said...

You have a lot going on right now, and sometimes it's just too much to dwell on. I do know that no matter how old they are, we will hurt when our kids are hurting.
You wrote a great post for having a hard time starting!

Ina in Alaska said...

It is hard to "bounce back" if ever, from a betrayal. Once you place your hopes and trust in someone and that person cuts you deeply in your core, you may never be able to be that trusting soul you once were. I know. I have been there.

I hope you find work soon, even if it is a temp job.. xoxo

Mariah said...

I just wrote the same sort of thing, but it was about faith. I am lacking passion these days and everything seems to move too fast.

Um, if you get a job, throw me a bone too would ya? Eating ice for dinner is getting old!!

lagirl/Sweet Tea said...

You're in "Contemplation Mode" and that's very healthy, IMO. It's good to reflect about yourself, your situation and those you love. I think it's how we process our life...Just don't lose heart. All in God's perfect time.

Joanna Jenkins said...

This was so beautifully written CCD-- I hope it helped you sort through things a little.

I'm cheering you on.

xo

Queen "B" said...

Aloha,
I love this opportunity to share our thoughts, dreams,hopes and fears. I know that we are blessed through knowing and serving each other, peace and comfort comes through service. In the short time I have been reading your blog,I feel you are a compassionate person who loves and serves others. You too will be served by those around you that love you. Answered prayers come in the most unexpected ways sometimes....Faith, Charity and Love, those are the "3 " you hang on...keep praying
All mys Aloha

Buckeroomama said...

Great post, Simone!

{{hugs}} I wish you whatever it is you need to lift your spirits.

Veronica Lee said...

That was beautiful, Simone.
((hugs and prayers))

Bagman and Butler said...

I know both longings well. I remember the times of wondering where I would work. And I often feel the pressing need for passion to find expression. Both longings are eventually followed with wonderful explosions.

My name is PJ. said...

Simone, you sound depressed to me. Are you eating properly? Getting enough sleep? Getting out in the sunshine and fresh air for at least a little bit every day? Getting any kind of exercise?

Do I sound like a mom? Sorry about that. Maybe you should stop thinking and just BE for a while.

blueviolet said...

I know what you mean about easing the pain of a child. Their heartbreak is easily as painful as our own. It's awful!!!!

Deborah Ann said...

Congrats to the winners!

Very well thought out list of observations! You are too funny, girl!

 

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