Alone in my Thoughts

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I have sat with my fingers poised on the keyboard trying to compose a blog post. It's not that I don't feel the creative spark but what is compelling me at the moment is my thoughts.

I'm stuck in a reverie of sorts. A light bulb has turned on but it's quite dim. I'm not sure what it is that I'm seeking or desiring. I just know that there is something that my soul is longing for to a point of becoming a point of urgency.

Maybe it's the feeling of the helplessness of being unemployed? Could be. I've never been unemployed for as long as I have. It frightens me. It worries me. I ride on waves of hope one moment and sheer disbelief the next.

Maybe it's the uncertainty of where the unemployment will cause me to end up at. Will Boo and I remain here in a place that together we've made our home? Or will we move to a place where there are hopes of finding a job, yet still be content?

Maybe it's the realization that I can't always heal every heartbreak and hurt in my daughters like I've always thought I could. Breakups are horrible....intense....heartwrenching. Then again, maybe it's just reminiscent of what I felt like a few years ago when my heart was ripped out of my chest.

Maybe it's passion that I'm seeking. Passion overflows for Boo so that's not the kind of passion that I'm talking about. It's passion that I see on each Olympic competitor's face and feel as I watch them compete with such courage. Can I feel that same passion? If so, for what do I feel it for? Is it my writing? My drawing? My reaching out to help others?

I'm alone in my thoughts but maybe that's not a bad thing at all.