What becomes of the broken hearted
Who had love that's now departed?
I know I've got to find
Some kind of peace of mind
Not maybe....you WILL!!!
I have loved and moved on past the hurt of that love. Yet, watching my daughter deal with the anguish of a broken heart, I find that I don't have the right words to say to make it better. I no longer have the "solve it all" solution that Mommy usually has.
I look back on when all I did was cry. I would hear a song on the radio and it would remind me of what used to be and I'd cry. I didn't think I could move past what I knew for 24 years. It was my familiar. But then, I was reminded that I wasn't only letting go of that love but I was mourning the loss of that love. As a way of healing, I wrote the poem below....
In Memory of Us
Clutching a flower in my hand, I kneel before the headstone.
Remembering those first words, "I love you!"
Picturing the first time our eyes met.
Facing reality that I will never again be in your arms,
feeling your lips on mine
or falling asleep with my head on your pillow, listening to your soft breathing.
The rain will still fall but the meaning of it has changed. No longer are rainy days, welcome days of lying by the fire, drinking coffee, relaxing together. The rain comes as a reminder to me of my tears that flow endlessly.
Gone are the days when our girls’ laughter brings sparks of memories of when they were first placed in our arms, the feeling of protecting them from every bad person, nightmare and feeling.
I am saying goodbye to what once existed between us. Words seldom spoken, yet we communicated just the same.
I'm letting go of the feeling of being loved and protected by you and loved like no other woman has ever been loved!
As the memories of our times shared continue to float through my mind, I gently lay the flower on the headstone.
Goodbye to the thrill of smelling your cologne drenched body. Goodbye to your laughter. Goodbye to your hand in mine. Goodbye to the traditions we've made in our lifetimes together. Goodbye to the friendship that we only knew and understood. Goodbye to love notes, thoughtful surprises and heartfelt words written on the bathroom mirror. Goodbye to calming fears, wiping tears and being held close. Goodbye to Saturday breakfasts and coffee shared together. Goodbye to personal jokes that only you and I could laugh about together.
Running my fingers across the words on the headstone, I read out loud,
“In Memory of Us.”
©Simone C. Moland - 2006
As we usher in February, I'm reminded of the fact that this is what I call the "month of love". This month, more than any, I'm reminded of the love that I have for others, the love that is given to me as a gift and the challenge of loving even those that are unlovable. If there is someone that you know that is going through the end of a relationship, be there, in thought, prayer and friendship.
If you've loved and lost that love, what gave you the strength to keep on going?
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