Beating Myself Up
Have you ever done something unintentional and hurt someone? When my oldest daughter was a baby, I remember getting her out of her car seat and not watching that her head cleared the car and bumped her head hard. I felt bad. She had a knot on her head and of course, she cried.
Last night, I was grooming my puppies. Sam is my million dollar dog because every vet trip spells "MONEY" and lots of it. The last time he went to the groomers at Petsmart, he bit the groomer in her lips and tore off half of her lip. He's not normally a biter but he has only one eye and is more sensitive to sounds and sudden movement. So, I've been grooming Sam myself. I use rounded scissors to cut the hair that tends to grow by his only eye that he sees out of. I cut the hair, dried him off and put him down for him to run around in pure madness until he is air dried. This time, he came running past me with one side of his face, red. I had cut him under his eye and I felt so bad. I kept apologizing to him with tears running down my face. Sam was fine. I got the wound cleaned up and it stopped bleeding. He was back to playing again BUT, I wasn't fine. I had made a mistake that hurt him and I beat myself up over it.
I don't know why I have such a hard time with letting go of things that I can't control, especially when others are hurting from my mistake as well.
I still carry the guilt of having put my daughters through a divorce. Sure, I wasn't unfaithful but I still hate that they had to suffer the emotional upheaval of a broken family. There is nothing I could do to prevent it from happening and I know that, yet, I still beat myself up.
I am learning that instead of beating myself up, listening to that voice say, "Stupid! You made another mistake!", that I have to realize that I'm not the only person that has gone through things that can't be undone. I am one that needs to forgive myself and let it go. Yes, it's easier said than done but I'm visualizing a dandelion flower being ready to blow and scatter the seeds. Those seeds are the things that I'm letting go of. As I blow them, they scatter in the wind. Sure they may fall onto fertile ground where weeds will grow BUT the things I've let go of are no more.
Do you beat yourself up?
Last night, I was grooming my puppies. Sam is my million dollar dog because every vet trip spells "MONEY" and lots of it. The last time he went to the groomers at Petsmart, he bit the groomer in her lips and tore off half of her lip. He's not normally a biter but he has only one eye and is more sensitive to sounds and sudden movement. So, I've been grooming Sam myself. I use rounded scissors to cut the hair that tends to grow by his only eye that he sees out of. I cut the hair, dried him off and put him down for him to run around in pure madness until he is air dried. This time, he came running past me with one side of his face, red. I had cut him under his eye and I felt so bad. I kept apologizing to him with tears running down my face. Sam was fine. I got the wound cleaned up and it stopped bleeding. He was back to playing again BUT, I wasn't fine. I had made a mistake that hurt him and I beat myself up over it.
I don't know why I have such a hard time with letting go of things that I can't control, especially when others are hurting from my mistake as well.
I still carry the guilt of having put my daughters through a divorce. Sure, I wasn't unfaithful but I still hate that they had to suffer the emotional upheaval of a broken family. There is nothing I could do to prevent it from happening and I know that, yet, I still beat myself up.
I am learning that instead of beating myself up, listening to that voice say, "Stupid! You made another mistake!", that I have to realize that I'm not the only person that has gone through things that can't be undone. I am one that needs to forgive myself and let it go. Yes, it's easier said than done but I'm visualizing a dandelion flower being ready to blow and scatter the seeds. Those seeds are the things that I'm letting go of. As I blow them, they scatter in the wind. Sure they may fall onto fertile ground where weeds will grow BUT the things I've let go of are no more.
Do you beat yourself up?
Comments
Once, when Ariel was three, she set up her usual going to bed protests - a drink of water, another bed-time story, etc, etc, etc. Then, when I had made it all the way to the bedroom door, she wanted her Cabbage Patch doll, which was lying right there at my feet. I tossed it to her. I could have walked it over to her, given her another kiss, tucked her in all over again, but no, I had to toss it to her, and yes I was agitated, and...that's when it happened. That Cabbage Patch Kid hit her right in the eye and my three year old daughter walked around for the following week with a black eye, a painful reminder of what a horrid mother I was!
Blessings,
andrea
((Hugs))
God forgive us so why the heck can't we be a little easier on ourselves???
God bless and let's have a 'forgive ourself' day!!!
I have a couple of things I beat myself up over. One happened 15 years ago...the other 4 years ago. I hate that I can't let go. I want to make it right, but I can't.
Hang in there!
It's ahrd being an imperfect human being but God loves us just the way we are, and we should, too.
Your sweet poochie understands it was an accident. They are good discerners of intent...Divorce was unavoidable in your situation; you're not responsible for it and certainly if DOGS can understand intent, then children can. ((HUGS))
We have all beaten ourselves up but I am a firm believer that if we don't forgive ourselves no one else will either. Remember God created us and we are not perfect. We make mistakes, have accidents, and hopefully learn from it. Don't be a prisoner of yourself...you owe it to yourself to give it to God. Everything happens for a reason and we are only in control of what we chose to do, chose not to do or how we react to what happens to us. That's all we can control...so knowing that, don't beat yourself up. Life is too short. Repent and give it to God.
God bless you friend!
www.twin-spiration.com
I like your visualization of blowing a dandelion flower to help you let things go. It's hard to do, but I hope it helps.
Hope your week is good.
xo