When Who I am and What I Used to Be - Collide

I'm back!! If the puppy can keep his teeth out of the power cords, that is....

I didn't anticipate it...it just happened out of nowhere. In fact, it was just like the commercial where the one person, eating out of a jar of peanut butter passes a person eating a chocolate bar and they collide.

"Hey! You got chocolate in my peanut butter!"

"You got peanut butter in my chocolate!"

Viola! Reese's Peanut Butter cups are a result.

My "collision" hasn't been half as delicious or simple. In fact, at times, it is akin to being a cast member on the Twilight Zone.

The Who I Used to Be was creative, carefree, ate a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, watched reruns of old tv shows, painted, played Wii games, sung loud in the shower and slept in late or got up early.

The Who I Used to Be, was bold and courageous, not caring what others thought. WIUTB created new recipes, went to the Asian market and bought things because they looked like they might taste good.

The WIUTB also started and finished projects, played in the dirt and wrote in the blog daily. Procrastination wasn't a part of her vocabulary.

Then came the Who I am Now (WIAN). The walls of our "bedroom" reverberate from the loud tv. The door opens with, "What's for dinner? I'm hungry." Deep in thought, the Who I am Now can't focus to write a few sentences in the blog. She stares at the ceiling, praying for inspiration. The Who I am Now practices patience like never before but cries quickly when the house that was clean a few hours before is back to being messy again.

The Who I am Now longs to be liked and appreciated and respected. She also longs for creativity and the joy in being able to complete projects, be silly and even sit in the tub until the wrinkles appear.

The WIAN and the WIUTB have seen days that are blessings in many ways and others that have caused her to want to hibernate under warm blankets.

God doesn't give us more than we can handle and like the Playdoh that accidentally on purpose ended up in a bag filled with paints, I'm being molded and shaped into someone stronger, loving and kind.

How do you blend what used to be with what is?

Comments

Anita said…
Life is a roller coaster. There's been a whole lot of WIANs and WIUTBs. I hang on and roll with it.

Is it the Nike ad that says, "Work Hard, Play Hard?" That's what I have to remind myself to do. When I play hard, I have enough energy to handle the hustles and not-so-fun stuff of life.

You MUST not give up your creative self. It's who you are. This is your season in life to wind it down and to let your light shine. Train those around you to understand that. Create a new and improved "Who I Am," and they'll love you still. :)
November 9, 2011 at 6:53 PM
Sweet Tea said…
Life can be a complicated balancing act at times. You're still adjusting to your new life so
cut yourself some slack, but hang on to who you are while you're doin' it! Okay? :-)
November 9, 2011 at 7:41 PM
Fragrant Liar said…
I dunno. I think maybe this is a new phase, and what you don't like about it will go by the wayside when you meander back to your more creative self. Or when you get tired enough of worrying about what other people think to say the hell with it. Either way, you're still enough, just as you are.
November 9, 2011 at 8:27 PM
Dawna said…
The WIUTB makes the WIAN feel sad sometimes. But it's still me. I think now - i'm in transition from the WIAN to who I will be.. and must be, and that, my guts tells me, will incoporate the WIUTB & the WIAN.

1 whole & complete Me!!

( ps.. hope that made sense!:))
November 9, 2011 at 11:09 PM
Formerly known as Frau said…
Life is difficult but embrace the new and try and work in the old...compromise!! And teach those kids to clean up after themselves and teach them to cook and incorporate crafts once a week...take time for yourself...oh and get a lock for that door!!
November 10, 2011 at 4:59 AM
Rae said…
It's a wild ride at times trying to figure out who we are. Somehow, some way it all works out. Hang in there.
November 10, 2011 at 6:48 AM
Leslie Basil Payne said…
You so well put words to what I've often struggled with, different circumstances, similar struggle. Take it ten minutes at a time. Do the next thing. And be sure to take care of you in the midst of everything. Your blogging friends cheer you on!
November 10, 2011 at 9:44 AM
Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) said…
I'm sayin'....once ya think ya have it all figured out then life smacks ya with something else.

Sometimes ya just have to let the present go and let your WIUTB surface and play again.

I have confidence in you sweetie, you'll be on top of the creatively playful you again.

God bless and have a beautiful day Simone. Meanwhile...a little chocolate and peanut butter couldn't hurt!!!! :o)
November 10, 2011 at 11:53 AM
Liz Mays said…
The older I get, the tougher it is to bend and mold. It's ok to do some transforming as long as you don't lose yourself in the process.
November 10, 2011 at 12:39 PM
Mandy said…
Hmmm, interesting you bring this up! I've been thinking about how much I've changed lately too. But instead of wishing to be who I was, I'm learning to accept who I am now and the way my life is going. I don't know if that helps you or not but I'm learning to be more embracing of the daily things. :-)

Missed you Simone! Hope all is well and that married life is treating you wonderfully!

Mandy and Vivian

www.mandylifeafter30.com
November 10, 2011 at 4:11 PM
Ina in Alaska said…
I hope you are happy. You do not seem the same. Just sayin'.
November 10, 2011 at 7:34 PM
MissKris said…
How does that old saying go? "Step lightly and swing a big stick"? What I mean by that is take it a day at a time and don't let Life railroad you. We women have a tendency to be the truce-makers, putting everyone else before us to keep peace. That doesn't work. All it does is cause more stress because we aren't being true to who WE are. And then we get resentful and angry and bottle it all up inside. Can't do that...it isn't healthy and our bodies and our psyches can handle only so much of that until we REALLY blow a gasket. I speak from an early-life perspective on this one that tried to lapse over into my more mature years. But I've found we get a lot more respect when we don't allow ourselves to be everyone else's 'dumping ground'. I used to think people would like me less if I wasn't always agreeable, even if the last thing I wanted was to BE agreeable, ha! But I've found as I've gone along people like me even more when I like myself enough to say "That ain't gonna happen" or "I need some ME time". They demand it. Why can't we? We're just as entitled to it as the next person. I only got to be with you face-to-face a couple of times before we moved to Michigan but I got the sense you've got some steel in that spine of yours. I'm praying for you, my friend. (((((HUGS)))))
November 11, 2011 at 4:20 AM
Vegas Linda Lou said…
WIUTB: I was an empty nester very early in life. "Free at 40" was my motto. Had kids early; got my freedom back early.

WIAN: In the step-parent role to three kids, age 15, 11, and 6!!! I could NEVER have predicted this, but I've never been happier.

Of course, I do drink a bit...
November 11, 2011 at 9:17 PM
Connie said…
Just putting your thoughts down on this blog is helpful for you. Being a person who has no one under foot anymore (just hubby) I find noise/laughter/fighting etc. music to my ears. I miss it. Somehow you will make it - a day at a time. Take care.
November 12, 2011 at 5:53 AM
Unknown said…
Well, one thing is for sure, Simone, you haven't lost your creative writing skills! :-) I know how you feel, I really do. That WIUTB is something I look back on a lot, because I miss her. A lot of people use to tell me that they missed her. The WIAN wasn't nearly as fun. I'm still working on meshing the two. I don't know if you've noticed, but my blogging has gone by the wayside as well. Other things take over and become more of a priority and those things that I loved in my WIUTB stage have been put on the back burner. What you said here really hit home because I have lost all of those things you talked about. I'm spending a lot of time adjusting, like you sound as if you are. Some of those things, you will find again. Others you may not. But one thing is for sure, you should never completely LOSE YOURSELF in your new life. Keep your identity because those things are what is important to you. And you have to know that if your glass is empty, then you have nothing to keep giving. So take the time to fill up your own glass with your needs.

Oh and my dad is doing well. Last MRI came back clear. It is an amazing blessing. As for me, I'm adjusting to AZ as pretty well. I spend a lot of time looking for the positive and not thinking about what I don't like and trying to help my fellow military spouses to the same. :-)

Kay
November 12, 2011 at 8:44 AM
SouthLakesMom said…
Baby, you're not the only one. I haven't posted since October 12. Been cleaning up messes all over.

Still, had to comment. The phrase, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" is incomplete. He doesn't give us more than we can handle WITH HIS HELP. For some of us that's implied, but for others, we need to spell it out!

You're doing fine, girl. Just keep going. Smile.
November 12, 2011 at 6:06 PM
Veronica Lee said…
I'm quite sure it's just a phase, a period of adjustment - a new family, midlife-crisis and perimenopause.

You'll be okay, Simone! Just hang in there! Love ya!
November 12, 2011 at 10:32 PM
Jeanette Levellie said…
Oh, my dear, the Lord is so proud of you that you haven't given up on Him or yourself, in spite of all the changes.

Hugs,
Jen
November 13, 2011 at 11:57 AM
Jill said…
You always write the most thought provoking posts :-)

I hope you have a wonderful week!

Blessings,
Jill
November 13, 2011 at 1:43 PM
Lin said…
Every day is a new one and so we grow and change with each passing day. It's just important to keep a hold of who you are and who you want to be in the process. Hugs--you've been through changes before and you survived... :)
November 13, 2011 at 3:19 PM
Joanna Jenkins said…
I'm guessing you're missing the creative side you enjoy so much. Maybe if you started crafting for Christmas you'll feel a little more connected???
xoxoxo jj
November 13, 2011 at 9:08 PM
Annesphamily said…
Life new life is so different from your old life. It takes time to balance the two and catch the right recipe to make it all work in harmony! When I get angry with my kids I wish I were alone but I know I would be unhappy and miserable. I like the loud noises in the house, we all watch football on Sunday. We all cook together and one day they will all go on their way. Then I will deal with what you are dealing with now, change! It is always hard to balance. Love to you and your sweet family. too.
December 4, 2011 at 7:28 PM
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